Drinksgiving Page #3

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- It works, thank you.

- Wow.

Dude what the f***?

Sorry. Sorry.

Come here, let's all gather around.

So that guy definitely in porn, I swear that's the...

dancing on the dance floor.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey dude sorry about that it's like caveman

territorial bullshit after high school.

Ah that's okay, no worries I'm used to it by now.

- I think he used to be.

- Why are you used to that?

Hey there guy, can you come over here and settle...

- Chuck.

- What?

No I think it's cool.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'll take care of it.

I'll take care of it.

Thank you, we knew you were cool.

All right so we gotta...

what the f*** was that about?

Yeah it happens all the time.

I mean it's like people recognize him from the movies.

Really?

Oh, um...

Adult movies.

Really?

So you ever go limp?

Good question.

If my mind's elsewhere.

How's that even possible?

He used to do hardcore, but now it's mostly soft-core.

So wait the kind that has like,

"dear firefighter thank you so much for coming over,

I have this burning fire deep inside me

and I need your long giant hose to put it out."

So you have seen them?

Game of moans, Buns of anarchy,

the Feltcher king, Twat life.

Dude Twat life, my best performance.

But yeah some of his acting is just a smidge better.

I hope so.

Also where can I watch these?

I really like Faster p*ssy cat f*** Mary kill,

that was a good one.

They play that sh*t on a loop like nonstop.

- Oh, really?

- 24 hours a day.

Well, well, well, the party lubricant has arrived,

it is time to make this b*tch wet.

Gotta a bottle of Pinot Grigio for the hostess,

it's got a cork in it so you know it hasn't been roofied.

What's up, Kels, you got a little huggie

for your bestie ex-sie?

- Sh*t.

- Sarah.

So we kind of adopted rob.

He is a lot like a maybe.

Yeah.

Hey happy Drinksgiving.

Same to you rob, you are looking...

it's a tuxedo T.

Incredibly classy.

And you are looking just as hot

as those pictures from your trip to Costa Rica.

Oh, my god you perv, you would be checking those out.

Oh, come on you put pictures of yourself up

in a bikini on Facebook and I'm gonna check it out.

Yeah I know you are.

Hey how are things at the dealership?

Oh, work f***ing sucks but you know who likes there job?

A couple people.

Jesus.

Why you in the market for a new car?

- You know what I might be.

- Really?

You gonna give a discount to an old friend?

Well you come on down to the dealership

and your old boy rob might hook you up.

Aw thanks.

So does you and Sarah hang out a lot or what?

No honestly not nearly as much as I would like.

Did she happen to mention

if she's seeing anybody currently?

No she didn't mention anything.

- Nice, nice.

- Yeah.

- Oh my...

- What?

Seriously?

You're gonna go after Sarah?

I figured the statute of limitations

as far as you and I were concerned

had kind of run out so I don't know you know, maybe.

Okay, you know what, knock yourself out.

I get it, you think she's gonna say no.

We'll see.

Look I'm just an honest guy trying to find love

and need a little p*ssy every now and then.

I know that is exactly true.

Oh, is that your new flavor?

Yeah that's my new delicious flavor.

Huh, he seems quite popular huh?

Yeah that happens a lot.

Need me to run in there and save him from all the dorks?

No he's good but thanks.

Well I got my eye on that one, better treat you right.

Thanks.

Oh hey, listen, do you have any Martini glasses?

'Cause I read somewhere that the plastic

actually taints the drinks.

Yeah plastic's pretty much the devil so.

No, I'm really sorry you feel that way about plastic,

maybe you should go home.

So who brought this dip?

I wasn't really policing the potluck I'm sorry.

Well do you know if it's gluten free?

You know why don't you try it and tell me in a few hours okay?

Hey Sarah, you know I love a dip right,

but this stuff literally tastes

like a cat's butt hole, smell it.

That smells like a cat's butt hole, don't eat that honey.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, it is extremely important

under no circumstances do you allow me to go to a taco bell.

I'm not allowed within 200 yards of a taco bell.

The last time I was there I gave the drive through girl

$200 and asked for a Burrito Supreme and a blow job.

Do I have your commitment on this?

Yes, please stop doing cocaine at my house okay?

I can't commit to that but thank you.

Yeah, okay.

Sarah do you have anything to make a Manhattan, side car,

any of those old-timey craft drinks?

And you're a pretty heavy drinker,

do you know how to make them?

I don't.

Yes I know how to make them

but I don't have anything to make them with so sorry.

And last question is this food even safe for a vegan diet?

Oh, the chips and salsa

and the vegetable tray is probably good.

I actually didn't know you were vegan.

Oh, I'm not, I eat cheese, meat.

Oh god, I can see your mind racing for a penis joke

so I'll stop you right there.

Just how bad you need one that's all.

Chuck, okay so you were talking to Lucas right

- in the other room, so...

- Yeah.

Do you think he's a good guy?

- Yeah I mean he seemed nice.

- Yeah?

- Kind of boring actually.

- Oh.

Well I mean not all of him if you know what I'm saying.

Sorry to interrupt, is there like a serving spoon

for the spinach dip or are we just supposed to put the chips

directly into the dip and eat it like that

'cause either way is fine to me.

No there's spoons in the kitchen by the drawer

but there's some plastic spoons over there too if you want.

Okay thank you.

Chuck.

What's going on?

Chuck?

Hey.

No smoking in the house okay?

And I don't care what Jake says.

Well good evening to you too my lady.

Knock that sh*t off.

Okay no dude, if I see you with one joint

in the house you're out, okay.

This isn't a Kegger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey Joe said though

that there was some chili around here.

I'd love to get my hands on that.

Did he, well there's not.

Oh, dang.

- Smoke?

- Smoke, smoke, smoke.

No hey guys I said no.

Oh, f*** it's cold.

Sarah there you are, whatcha doing?

Is it cold in here to you?

Just find someone to warm up with

or drink some more, come on.

Seriously god, you need to relax.

You're making me nervous.

What do you have low blood sugar or something?

No, I don't know maybe.

I tried to eat something

but it's like a hot fudge of sh*t out there.

Did you see the cat food?

There's cat food.

- Nice.

- Yeah.

F***.

I just feel like I have to take care of everybody else

and make sure like they're good

and like they're having a good time, you know?

Like at least at the bar I'm at like a central location

so everybody just comes up to me.

And you get paid there.

Yeah, right, I'm paid to put myself through this.

You know, like, "this will be a great idea."

They said,

"have a party." They said.

Why is this a good idea, seriously why?

I'm having a good time.

Just I feel like I'm forgetting something.

You know like a nagging feeling,

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