Drive Angry

Since the birth of time,

humanity has endeavored

to restrain evil men in prisons.

But since Cain fled

the murder of his brother,

evil men have fled the walls of punishment.

So, it doesn't matter

if you're a badass motherf***er on the run,

because you think

you're better than everyone else,

and somehow entitled

to do what you gotta do.

No.

Because, you see, badass motherfuckers

are never fast enough.

In the end, they will all be accounted for.

Son of a b*tch! Came out of nowhere.

- Didn't she say he was dead?

- You see him?

- I think we lost him.

- I swear she said he was dead.

- Keep watching!

- Well, f***ing he ain't!

- Drive the f***ing car!

- I'm driving the goddamn car!

I don't see him.

He knows.

He knows what we did to her.

He knows! He's gonna make us pay!

- Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!

- I think we lost him.

I ain't never telling you

where they've taken her. Never.

I know.

You took my leg, you f***!

I'm sorry, man.

Where is she?

- I don't know, man.

- Where is the baby girl?

I don't know, man.

I don't know.

Stillwater! Hey! Hey!

Okay, Deacon's Tree, man. Stillwater Marsh!

Texas, I think.

You're too late. You gotta know that, right?

First full moon, she's dead, man.

She's dead and hell's

gonna walk the motherfucking earth.

Hell already is walking the earth.

You tell him I'm coming.

Tell him I'm coming to get her back.

Raise a little hell, raise a little hell

Raise a little hell

Raise a little hell, raise a little hell

Raise a little hell

So, I tell him, I says, "Frank, that's it.

No more free milk.

"You gonna have to buy the cow,

you son of a b*tch."

But you are not fat, Piper.

What? No, Norma Jean. "Buy the cow."

Marry me.

I'm saying he's gotta marry me.

I cut him off.

You cut him off?

Not just yes, but hell, yes!

No tits, no ass, and I told him,

"If I see that big ol' dick

anywhere near my face again,

- "I'm gonna bite it in half."

- You said that?

Yeah, sure did.

Oh, my God. How long has it been?

Oh, two days. But that's like a decade

in horny f***er years.

So, he bought you a diamond?

Oh, God, no.

If Frank had money for a diamond,

I would have jacked his sorry ass ages ago

and put this sh*t hole in rear view.

But he did get down on one knee

and ask me to be his bride.

- No way! Oh!

- Yes, way!

Honey!

Come on, come on!

You think I pay you b*tches

to stand around and yap?

Get the f*** back to work.

Sit on it, baby.

Hi, guys. I'm Piper.

Can I get you something to drink?

We'll take this.

"She's a Brickhouse" breakfast.

Ten monster flapjacks for $4.99.

- And three waters.

- All right, and what can I get for...

That's it. Just the pancakes, if that's okay.

Okay, coming right up.

Lou, one Brickhouse!

Hello, beautiful. Coffee?

Black, with sugar.

Have you ever heard of a Stillwater Marsh

or a Deacon's Tree? In Texas, maybe?

Stillwater Marsh, yeah, I've heard of it,

but it ain't in Texas.

Stillwater is in Louisiana.

Small town?

Honey, Stillwater is a prison.

My daddy did some time there

before it closed.

I'll get you that coffee.

Here's some muffins and warm milk.

- But we didn't order...

- It's on the house.

So, you gonna ask me

what time my shift ends?

It's a full moon tonight.

I always feel a little randy with a full moon.

Full moon's two days off.

You sure about that, sweetie?

Pretty sure.

Now, that's a hell of a ride out there.

Is that yours?

The Charger? I wish.

Is it hers?

All right, here are them waters.

I'll be right back with the flapjacks.

Sure. But if you're looking for a ride...

I told you I wanted sugar.

On the house? On the f***ing house?

Relax. We gonna

throw them muffins out, anyway.

If they're not gonna pay for them,

somebody's gonna have to pay the price.

I told you, you fat f*** son of a b*tch,

never touch me like that again.

- Let go of my balls.

- Shut up.

Muffins are on me. I quit.

Put some honey butter on them muffins.

They'll taste an awful lot better that way.

Sucking on my titties

like you wanted me, calling me all the time

Like Blondie, check out my Chrissy behind

It's fine all of the time

What else is in the teaches

of Peaches, huh?

What?

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

F*** the pain away

Oh! Motherfuck!

Now, that's not so bad.

I can fix that if you'd like.

I would. Thank you.

If you give me a lift.

I'm only going as far as Blackfoot Falls.

The truck stop there.

I'd be much obliged.

Thank you.

Just so you know,

I don't pick up hitchhikers.

I didn't have my thumb out.

Need some help there?

You, fat f***. Come here.

What'd you call me?

What did you just call me?

I called you "fat f***."

And we had better leave it at that.

Unless you'd prefer I call you

"dead fat f***."

What?

I'm looking for someone.

Maybe 40 or so, 6'1",

probably looked out of place.

Ah!

He was here earlier. Traveling light.

- Likely on foot.

- Who are you?

I'm The Accountant.

That supposed to mean something to me?

It will if I add you to the books.

And if you don't tell me what I want to know.

You had something to say?

He was here. Earlier.

- Where did he go?

- That way.

On foot.

I appreciate the ride.

You all right?

Yeah. I mean, I quit my job. Again.

But this time it's different 'cause...

I don't know, my man's out of work

and we just got engaged.

Is he a good man?

Yeah.

Yeah, he is. I mean,

I guess you can just tell these things.

- No, no, no. F***!

- Baby, I'm f***ing you all right.

- Yeah.

- No f***ing...

What the hell do you think

you're doing? Psycho b*tch.

Piper, Piper, I can explain.

She was just showing me something.

Get out! Don't.

F*** you, Piper. We're in...

I didn't quite hear what you said!

I said, "We're in..."

You made me cheat on you.

This is your fault.

- Would you...

- Hey!

Piper, stop!

You've got nowhere else to go,

and you know it.

Oh, baby. You don't think

I can find a guy better than you in Florida?

Florida? Hell, no. Texas? Maybe.

We'll see about that.

No, no, no. You're not taking my car.

You're not taking my car, b*tch!

Your car? Who's been making the payments,

you out of work,

skanky, Mona-f***ing piece of sh*t?

You're insane, woman.

Look what you made me do! Come on.

I'll get you some ice.

Frank, sweetie.

I'm gonna tell everybody

what I caught you doing with my pink dildo.

You don't wanna be with me?

Fine. When I'm done,

nobody's gonna wanna be with you, ever.

- Go to hell.

- Ha!

Hey.

I am one with the darkness.

I am one with the darkness.

I am one with the darkness.

It burns through me.

It burns through me. Now to you.

... forge our bond together.

And offer the sacrifice

that will set us all free.

We will walk through

the valley of the shadow of death.

No!

No! Please, don't take my baby.

And only through...

- Give me the baby.

- No!

You want me to roll up the window?

No.

You can use my jacket if you're cold.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes