Drive Me Crazy Page #2

- Hi, I'm Joshua Hill,

from the university's chapter

of ALF.

- That's Animal Liberation Front.

- Alf?

I think when you see what I'm about

to show you what's going on

in our laboratories

right here on campus,

you'll understand why we're taking

just a few minutes of your time.

(snaps fingers)

Lights.

"Biomedical research"...

that's the two-word excuse...

- you ready to go, go, go?

- Chase, I wanna see this.

When asked about the abuses

taking place in the laboratory...

(crowd chanting)

Defense! Defense! Defense!

- (grunts)

- (whistle blows)

(crowd cheering)

(buzzer)

P.A. Announcer:

Seldon appears to be okay,

but it's a time-out for the Tigers.

- I hope he's not hurt.

- yeah, me, too.

I'm thrilled to report Brad's exercised

the next element of protocol.

Dave was an emissary?

He asked me if I thought

if Brad asked you

to share the evening

and if you'd say yes.

- And?

- And so I told him to tell Brad

that you said that a real man

works without a net.

- you what?

- Relax. He's all yours.

Scheming socialite snags

dream date.

# Buy a ticket #

# Forget the change... #

Chase, do you have

to get so close?

- Closer is louder!

- That's my point!

- Mine, too.

- We can't talk up there.

We talked in the car.

Is something in particular

on your mind?

I just don't see why you won't come

with us tomorrow night.

- To ALF?

- Come on, it's right up your alley.

I told you already.

I'm not interested. Drop it.

Look, you go, okay?

Knock yourself out.

I don't get you.

I mean, you spend half your life

in detention protesting Hanson

- or the constipated hitter...

- Designated hitter.

Whatever.

But when it comes to something

really important...

What?

You think you're

so James Dean, Chase.

But all this so-called rebellion...

it's a joke.

We're breaking up, aren't we?

I just think that we're headed

in different directions.

That's all.

(rock music playing)

# your big day #

# your big day. #

Are you stoned?

(scoffs)

Are you serious?

It's 9:
00 p.m.

yeah, so it is.

you didn't get out of bed all day.

Then wouldn't

the correct question be,

"Son, are you ill?"

- Are you?

- No.

Are you stoned?

you could tell me, you know.

I'd be cool.

yeah, I know you'd be cool.

And what is that

supposed to mean?

It means I've read your yearbook.

"Onward through the fog.

Light up and party.

Have sex, be free,

we're the class of '73."

Are you stoned?

Dad, until you come in here

and see a black light

and felt Led Zeppelin poster,

rest easy.

Promise?

Promise.

(whistling)

Mr. Hammond.

- yo, rise and shine.

- We've got dates.

- (glass shatters)

- Dates?

# But I enjoy making some noise,

fooling around #

# I listen to the sound #

# You and I get

and everything's set #

# Be sure you know how to have

a real good time... #

Nicole:

What are you doing?

If security asks, just come

over here and do your job.

Nicole, I'm afraid

I've got some news.

yeah?

Adonis jock falls hard

for rival spirit head.

Translation?

The cheerleader from Apex,

the one he landed on

last week in the game.

The slut who pretended

she couldn't get out of his way?

That's the one.

He loves her.

Tsk. Love. Like I care.

Wait a minute.

Who's he taking

to our school centennial?

That would be her.

# Be sure you know how to have

a real good time. #

(sighs)

Chase:

What are we doing?

I don't know.

She swore she'd be here with friends,

you know, for safety.

She swore?

Who is this chick?

- Daughter Judy.

- Maybe she had to walk Astro.

Daughter Judy's

her screen name.

We've been emailing each other.

She's way into space.

- Cyber girls are hot.

- Oh, yeah.

I've never kissed another girl.

I've never kissed Chase Hammond

at the Skate Palace in sixth grade.

Chase Hammond? I never did it

with anything requiring batteries.

Rupert:
Ooh!

All right, that's enough.

(thuds)

- (pager beeping)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Gotta go.

- What? Wait, wait.

I thought you weren't gonna do

that "safe ride" sh*t this year.

Dude, colleges look

at extracurricular activities, man.

Dave, you're in.

That's not why you do it.

- Oh, yeah? Then why?

- you wanna know why?

It's the same reason you're the manager

of the basketball team...

you wanna be one of them.

Who is this "them"?

People too drunk to drive?

you're with your two best friends

waiting for girls,

one of them quite possibly

Princess Leia,

and you wanna leave so that some jock

will pat you on the head.

- I'm going.

- (engine starts)

You should know that

half the party now believes

you have a part-time job

at a gentlemen's cabaret.

Like it matters.

Drive me home.

you gotta be kidding.

Puke on my leather interior?

I got your ride taken care of.

- This way.

- Prince Charming is a dick.

Bring on the frogs.

Ribbit!

you called for a safe ride?

(slurps)

Okay, watch your head.

I learned that on "Cops."

you know where she lives?

Oh, I think I can find it.

Yo, Designated Dave,

you got room for one more, man?

Sure.

Hey, perhaps we could get you

some fries with that.

Yeah.

Fries, a Coke and...

Boy:

What about a milk shake?

Boy #2:

Get yourself a Happy Meal.

Girl gets two-faced boy

in back seat.

Violence anticipated.

There are rules, you know?

- Rules?

- Rules.

- What rules?

- Seniors rule!

you don't send Designated Dave

to ask if I'll go with you

if you don't plan on

following through with the offer.

I was going to.

I was going to.

(stammers) It's just that...

- (stammers) He just...

- Shut up!

I don't know.

I... I fell in love.

(scoffs)

So I heard.

High school love is for saps, Brad,

or haven't you heard?

Now I'm left alone with

the embarrassment and alienation

of having to go stag to one

of the biggest nights of our lives?

Not very likely.

I might as well skip it.

Turn that thing off or I'm gonna go

Sean young on your ass!

- (beeps)

- I think she means Sean Penn.

- That's good. Sean young scares me.

- (laughs)

Yuck it up, clowns.

yeah, if you enjoy

my humiliation,

Monday at Time Zone

should be a real "hootenin."

It's hootenanny.

I'm sorry. Look, I...

(Brad sighs)

Hey, can you just

drop me off here?

But we're still a couple blocks

away from your house.

you heard the man.

- (imitating Scarface) Okay, bye, meng.

- Vaya con dios.

- Later, Chase.

- Nicole, wait.

If your mom's awake,

she's gonna see right through

that Dean Martin impression.

I'll sneak you through the back.

What?

Her car's not here.

She's not home.

Okay, bye.

# yeah, yeah, yeah #

# Ooh, when I wake up #

# And open my eyes #

# I try my best #

- # To make the time... #

- Moron.

One eyebrow.

Taking Georgia Ann Warner.

Failed health.

Taking Sue.

Taking Dee Vine.

# Sweet memory #

# In a picture of you,

all my memories #

# Someday a story... #

Refers to himself

as the de-virginator.

# In a picture of you #

# And a picture of me #

# Ooh-ooh, yeah #

# I try, but I still see your face #

# Hammering on the screen... #

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