Drive Me Crazy Page #3

(ringing)

Chase:

Give it up, bonehead.

Princess Leia ain't coming.

Take me to centennial, Chase.

Nicole?

- How'd you get this number?

- I remembered it.

Take me?

- You're drunk.

- I'm desperate.

Oh, well,

when you put it that way.

(scoffs) you're not offended,

so don't pretend to be.

My guess... you're intrigued.

- I am?

- Word's out, Dulcie dropped you.

- Yeah, well...

- Well, you have a tiny idea how I feel.

Look, I know you probably

don't give a damn

about the centennial or me,

and that's fine,

but starting Monday,

I'm gonna be treated like

the biggest loser ever at Time Zone.

The same girls dishing out

fake sympathy

will be laughing behind my back.

Some of them will try

to set me up out of pity,

but I'll know every time I walk

in a room and it gets suddenly quiet,

they were just talking about

my monumental failure.

We can save each other

from disgrace.

Each other?

What's in it for me?

If you have to ask,

you're not as smart

as you think you are.

you need to sleep on it,

get back to me.

(beeps)

- (thuds)

- (cat yowls, hisses)

(sighs)

(over phone)

Hey, it's Dulcie.

If you want me to get back to you,

leave three ways that high school sucks.

(beeps)

There's the rampant homophobia,

no pep rallies for the debate team,

which leads to the greater issue,

I'm sure,

of the highly fascist nature

of pep rallies in general,

speeches, saluting banners.

I think you see

where I'm going with this.

And finally, it sucks

because when you break up

with someone,

you can't escape them,

and it kills you

to see them every day.

Dulcie, call me tonight.

- I don't care what time...

- (beeps)

(sighs)

(birds chirping)

Let's agree on an easy-out clause.

Obviously.

We can't do this halfway.

you know, if we expect

people to buy it,

it's gotta feel real

through and through.

That makes sense.

If you really wanna get Dulcie back,

it's gonna require

some severe measures.

Define "severe."

To start, you can't wear

anything you own.

Probably not.

Not and...

we need to clean you up.

How up are we talking about?

Listen, Chase,

to make an impact,

you have to go to extremes.

Let's do it.

Nice hat.

- (elevator bell dings)

- # Here we go #

# Something tells me

that I've been here before... #

Come on!

# Even though

I might be dreaming #

# I don't care, I want more... #

Hi, welcome to the Gap.

# But I don't know #

# What's happening, please #

# Is this really happening

to me? #

# Is this really happening to me? #

# Is this really happening

to me? #

# Is this really happening to me? #

- Nicole?

- Oh, hey, Ray.

Hey. Look, I just want you to know

that I know you're screwed.

About the dance, I mean.

And, um, well, I guess

what I'm trying to say is that

if it comes down to panic time

and you still don't have a date,

and you're, like, really desperate,

well, I'd take you.

I'd be honored.

Oh, that's sweet, Ray,

but, well, when Chase and I got out

of the car the other night,

we kind of decided

we'd go together.

Chase? My Chase?

(laughs)

I got it.

Hey, this is funnier

than you dressing up

for last year's

Junior Miss Pageant, man.

Ray. Hey, Nicole.

So I'm glad to see you're out

of your doldrums.

That hair, guy, is just...

Hey, so, Nicole,

remember what I said.

I'm serious.

If you want.

Well, this is real convincing.

I'm a walking punch line.

But who gets the last laugh?

See you after school, hon.

(bell rings)

Sh*t. Hurry, Dave.

I promised Ray we'd take him to work.

Are you going to explain this to me?

- Explain what?

- This. What are you trying to pull?

Nothing.

It's a big-ass mistake.

I thought it would make

Dulcie come back.

Seriously? How?

Can you think of anything

that would make Dulcie freak out more

than me with

"Miss School Spirit" Nicole Maris?

- He still thinks I'm joking.

- So what are you doing?

you know, to make an impact,

you have to go to extremes.

Did I just hear something

about extremes?

It's real extreme, all right.

Why'd you do it?

Time for a change.

It's not you.

Who knows who I am?

I do.

Don't let Nicole Maris change you.

I'll be all right.

yeah.

Dave, do you mind

stopping off at the mall?

I wanna pick up a Swatch.

Nicole, can you come

in here, honey?

So, what are we burning today?

Fields of Jasmine

for improved circulation?

Strawberry Explosion

for brain power?

- your dad called.

- Why?

He said that he'll meet you

at 12:
00 noon on Sunday

at Jefferson Park.

He promised he'd show up

this time.

(crowd cheering)

So get out there

and support the Tigers

on their march

to a state championship.

- Look, we're going to that.

- A basketball game?

(Nicole and Chase whispering)

That wasn't part

of the arrangement.

A necessary evil, Chase.

We have to look chummy,

remember?

And the benefit of that?

We're in this together.

From my point of view,

it's okay to look like I'm going

to the dance with a friend.

It's not okay to look like

I paid a guy to take me.

I could be getting paid?

(cheering)

Nicole:
yeah!

So, how does it compare?

To what?

Protests, clove cigarettes,

bongos...

- whatever it is you beatniks do.

- We prefer "disaffected youth."

Nicole:
Okay, so...

More pep.

The monopoly on pep

is definitely held

by Time Zone's status whores.

We prefer socially non-retarded.

Go! Fight! Win!

(whistle blows)

(buzzer)

- Whoo!

- I'm gonna get something to drink.

- Do you want anything?

- No, but thanks.

- Pellegrino. With a twist.

- All right.

- All right, spill.

- Spill what?

It's cute and all making nice

with your neighbor,

but you're taking it

way above and beyond.

Above and beyond what?

- The boy cleans up nicely.

- Pretty shocking, huh?

Maybe. Or maybe

you haven't given up.

- Given up?

- A perfect night with a dream date.

Brad? Over it.

So, this Chase Hammond thing...

he's just this good friend

we never knew you had?

Right.

Who knows?

Maybe more.

(dance music playing)

Boy:
How can you be against

the designated hitter?

Do you wanna see Cecil Fielder

gunning for his 120th RBI

or some fast-ass relief pitcher

swinging at air?

I think Fielder is a perfect example...

a past-his-prime power hitter

in the twilight of his career

using up a roster spot.

you know what?

Someday that's gonna be Griffey.

And I would rather see Junior at 40

than some Jim Bob

who made it to the show

because of an expansion.

That's very nostalgic, but it comes

down to one simple issue...

- purity of the game.

- Exactly.

I've been trying

to tell you that, man.

If you can't hack it,

get out of the game, right? Huh?

(dance music continues)

Go! Fight! Win!

- Go! Fight...

- (laughing)

(crowd chanting)

Defense! Defense! Defense!

- (whistle blows)

- (crowd groans)

One more eye, ref,

you'd be a Cyclops!

(whistle blows)

Go Tigers!

Whoo! Pass!

(buzzer)

P.A. Announcer:

And it's good! Tigers take it 70-68.

(cheering)

- Masterful.

- What?

you really had me going in there.

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