Drop Dead Fred

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"And the prince took the beautiful young girl

in his arms and said, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes, she whispered, I will be your princess. "

Did they live happily ever after?

Of course, Elizabeth.

How do you know?

Because she was a good little girl.

If she had been naughty,

the prince would have run away.

What a pile of sh*t.

Oh, Charlie.

Charles, this is really important to me.

I forgive you. OK?

I love you.

God, that hurts so much when I say it out loud.

OK, Lizzie.

Charles, our marriage...

No, this is really important to me.

Charles, this is really...

OK, Charles.

Charles...

- Lizzie, shouldnt you be having lunch?

- This is important.

- Let me finish.

- You agreed.

You did more than agree.

It was your idea and you were right.

You were absolutely right. We cant go on.

Sooner or later one of us has got to do something

positive for once in our life for both our sakes.

- And you did it.

- I did?

- Yes.

- Wait. When was it my idea?

The best thing is for me to go

and live with Annabelle.

- I dont think I said that.

- Yes.

- I did? Annabelle? Is that her name?

- Yes.

Oh, God. I didnt know that.

- All I know is what you did with her on our sofa.

- Lizzie, I'm sorry.

I couldnt help myself.

I've been smitten by Annabelle.

Ive been bewitched by her.

I have been pounded flat on the anvil of love

like a piece of veal with a salad on top.

Excuse me. I test-drive this car?

This car looks great topless.

I think a car should represent its owner, dont you?

Charles, this is really important to me.

Lets not go through all this

I- never-want-to-see-you-again stuff

because we will want to see each other again.

Were not going to throw away two years, are we?

It was three years... in June.

Janie, thats what he said. He said he wants...

He wants to move out and go live with Annabelle.

I know.

If I could just be alone with him.

Yes, its hard to look on the bright side but...

Mm-hm.

Yes. Ive got my car.

I guess I'll stay in the apartment

but, Janie, I really want him back.

If I could just get him alone and talk to him.

Janie?

Janie, hold on. Hold on a second.

I'm just gonna get some change.

Hey, thats my car!

"Elizabeth!

"Dont spend any more money on Charles.

Elizabeth, Ill see you later anyway. "

Im so sorry, Your Honour.

I lost my money, my car, my husband.

All in one lunch hour?

- Yeah.

- Hey, do what I did. Plead insanity.

Counsel, advise your client

to keep his remarks to himself.

Sorry, Your Honour.

May we finally proceed?

Just a moment. Could the court reporter

approach the bench, please?

- Im sorry.

- So am I.

Youre fired.

- Thank you.

- Are you OK?

Mm-hm.

Lizzie?

- Elizabeth Cronin?

- Yeah.

Im Michael. Mickey. Im Mickey Bunce.

Used to live down the street

when we were little kids.

- Mickey. Goodness.

- Yeah!

- Its been 20 years.

- At least.

- Do you work here?

- No.

- Neither do I.

- No. I had a divorce here.

- Divorce?

- Yes.

Ah, I dont like that word.

Youve got to work things through

if you dont want to get divorced.

I gave it my best shot

but weve been separated two years now.

The good thing about it is I got to keep

my daughter. Thats Natalie.

- Shes real pretty.

- Shes beautiful.

Shes a lot to handle.

Shes a lot like you used to be.

- Like me?

- Yeah.

What do you mean?

Dont you remember

what you did to my grandmother?

- I didnt do anything to her.

- You said the same thing then.

You said that Fred did it.

Drop Dead Fred.

Grandma Bunce!

- Drop Dead Fred.

- I used to pretend I had an imaginary friend.

No one believed me.

Do you remember the time you and Fred

came over to borrow my fathers electric shaver?

Yes.

- You must have thought I was crazy.

- Not at all.

I believed you. It was just that

no one else could see him but you.

- He was so real.

- He was real all right. Really out of control.

No, not always.

Only when my mother was...

Well, you know.

Hey, we were all a little afraid of your mother.

Not Fred. No, he always stood up for me.

Thats what friends are for, even imaginary ones.

I realise youre feeling pretty conflicted right now.

I feel awful.

I did this self-actualising workshop

and they taught us that pain is your friend.

- Pain makes you interesting.

- Janie.

Look at Elvis.

Yeah, but didnt Elvis kill himself?

Yes, but before that he was interesting.

I want you to do some affirmations with me.

- Janie.

- Just do it.

Surround yourself with light.

Are you surrounded?

Yeah, I think so.

Repeat after me.

I dont need a man to complete my life.

- I dont need a man to complete my life.

- Im perfect the way that I am.

- Im perfect the way that I am.

- I hate Charles.

I hate Charles.

Dont you feel better?

No.

I love him. I really do.

I feel basically its all about choice.

Since youve already chosen, what you may

as well do is to choose what you chose.

- I heard.

- Hello, Mother.

I came as soon as I heard.

Its a good thing I've got a key to this apartment.

Hello, Mrs Cronin. Shell be all right.

She needs some nurturing. Give her a cuddle.

Cuddling is for teddy bears. Ive packed

your things. Youre coming home with me.

- Im staying here tonight.

- Charles is coming here later.

- I want to be here when he comes.

- Dont disagree with your mother.

Im staying here tonight. Im staying here tonight.

Now that were home, everything is perfect.

- Dont step on that carpet. I had it shampooed.

- Yes, Mother.

Take your things upstairs.

- I made up your bed.

- Oh.

Oh? Thats all you say to me?

- Thank you, Mother.

- Thats a good girl.

- Boo! Hello, snot face!

- Argh!

Yeugh! What happened to you? Look at you.

Youre all older. Youre even uglier.

Ugh! Im sorry I'm going to have to be sick

all over you. Lie down. Hang on.

- Wheres all the dolls?

- Drop Dead Fred.

Where is the dolls?

I want to play with the... Aha! The dolls.

Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelique. "Hello. "

Youre going to die. Ah!

Mr Pooh.

"Hello. " You die, too.

"No, no, no!" Yes, yes, yes.

"My intestines. Not my intestines!"

D- E-D.

I must be dreaming.

Wheres the fire truck and the rest of the toys?

Theyre gone.

Im grown up.

- Grown up?

- Uh-huh.

Grown up?

Great.

That means theres a load

of grown-up things to smash.

Come on!

- Where are we going?

- Play time!

Whee!

Who put that there?

I forgot to give you something.

Ha-ha-ha!

Where is it? Come on.

There must be some here somewhere.

Ah! Here it is.

Mind your backs.

Ooh! Careful.

Ive got some dog poo right here.

Dog poo, dog poo, lovely, lovely dog poo

dog poo on the chair

All along the side, all up here,

lovely, lovely smelly dog poo

- Elizabeth?

- Yeah, its me, Mother.

- Im just getting a glass of water.

- Uh-huh.

Well, mind the carpet.

Hey, snot face, look. Ink.

Lets write something on the carpet.

Lets write, "Mother sucks. "

No. Wait a minute. Ive a better idea.

Lets play a game.

- A game?

- Yeah, a game, like we used to, in the old days.

A game. OK. Great. But not dolls.

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