Drop Dead Gorgeous
FADE IN:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - MINNESOTA - DAY
Vintage black and white stock footage of some farms and
farmhouses.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
Color footage of cotton fields passing by. We FREEZE and
FADE TO BLACK.
TITLE WIPES IN:
1995 MARKED THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY
OF THE NATION'S OLDEST BEAUTY CONTEST...
THE SARAH ROSE COSMETICS AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS PAGEANT
A DOCUMENTARY FILM CREW WAS SENT TO
TO COMMEMORATE THIS OCCASSION.
INT. PAGEANT AUDITORIUM - MOUNT ROSE - DAY
Vintage blue-toned stock footage of a teenage beauty
pageant contestant. LEGS WIPE IN.
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Sarah Rose knows you're a beautiful
person....
Blue-toned stock footage of a long row of beauty pageant
contestants on stage.
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
Sarah Rose knows you have an unusual
talent. Sarah Rose knows you're a
teenage girl.
Blue-toned stock footage of the row of contestants
parading down some steps from the stage as CAMERA TILTS
DOWN.
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
Mmm, and she definitely knows that you
are ready for the ultimate teen
glamour.
ROUSING PATRIOTIC MUSIC. FAST PACED CUTS feature SMILING
TEENAGE CONTESTANTS dancing and waving American flags.
APPLAUSE!
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER
(cont'd)
The American Teen Princess Pageant.
Each contestant wears a BANNER ACROSS her dress reading:
AMERICAN TEEN PRINCESS.
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
And now, a few words...
ANGLE ON:
Contestants DROP, ROLL and form a STAR. CHEERS!
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
...from last year's host, Mr. Adam
West.
ADAM WEST:
The American Teen Princess Pageant has
been enriching the lives of American-
made girls since 1945.
TITLES FADE ON SCREEN: Adam West, TV's Batman, then FADE
OUT.
ADAM WEST (cont'd)
The American Teen Princess Pageant
provides personal growth, scholarship,
travel, and you...
Numerous contestants stand up in SHOT and SURROUND ADAM.
ADAM WEST (cont'd)
...might even meet a few celebrities.
At the national level, thousands of
seventeen year-old girls like
yourselves. and compete around the
country in places like:
MALE PAGEANT ANNOUNCER
(O.S.)
Beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota.
ADAM WEST:
And make it all the way here to
Lincoln, Alabama, to compete for the
title of American Teen Princess.
LIGHTS come UP on the teenaged girls in the pageant as
they pause. As they WAVE AMERICAN FLAGS. Adam West
turns back to the camera.
ADAM WEST (cont'd)
And now, a few words from last year's
host, Mr. Adam West.
Contestants strike a pose around him. THUNDEROUS CANNED
APPLAUSE!
ADAM WEST (cont'd)
(pointing to camera)
So, which one of you will it b--
SCREEN SUDDENLY STATIC.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - GYM - DAY
SCENE from "DAYS OF OUR LIVES"
PULL BACK to reveal the VIDEO is on a TV in front of a
GROUP OF SEVENTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRLS, sitting in gym
bleachers.
[NOTE:
The film is shot documentary style. PEOPLE AREREAL. Their lives revolve around this pageant. All
speak with a THICK MINNESOTA ACCENT.]
THREE "CIVIL SERVETTES," the local women's group.
[Picture unattractive Stepford Wives in matching
windbreakers] stand beside GLADYS LEEMAN, 34, president.
GLADYS LEEMAN:
Good God, Iris, you taped your shows
over it.
IRIS:
Sorry.
Gladys turns to the GIRLS in the bleachers.
SUPER:
MOUNT ROSE, MINNESOTA POPULATION: 5,076GLADYS LEEMAN:
Now ladies, the rest of the tape -
which is now gone forever - goes on
about startin' this great American
journey we call American Teen
Princess...Yah-so, any of you young
ladies who'd like to start on that
journey, you just come right down here
and sign up. And please...help
yourselves to some coffee and bars...
SMASH EDIT TO:
Gladys seated with middle-aged women.
GLADYS:
Showtime.
SUPER:
GLADYS LEEMAN, LOCAL CHAIRMAN, PAGEANT ORGANIZINGCOMMITTEE.
DOCUMENTARIAN (O.S.)
Do you think that most people would
say that teenage beauty pageants are a
good idea?
GLADYS:
Oh yah-sure, I know what some of your
big city, no bra wearin', hairy-legged
women's libbers say, "Pageants are old-
fashioned" and, uh, and "demeaning" to
the girls --
IRIS:
(jumping in)
What's sick is women dressin' like
men!
Civil Servettes stare at her a beat.
GLADYS:
Uh... You betcha, Iris.
(quickly, back to camera)
Yah-I think yous boys'll find that
things are different here in Mount
Rose...
Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.
GLADYS (cont'd)
For one thing, y'know, we're God
fearin' folk - every last one of us...
Civil Servettes AD-LIB AGREEMENT.
GLADYS (cont'd)
You won't find a back room in our
video store...
Servettes AD-LIB "AMEN. YAH-YOU BETCHA." etc.
GLADYS (cont'd) (V.O.)
...that filth is better left in the
"Sin Cities."
IRIS:
A.k.a. Minneapolis - St. Paul.
PULL AWAY from MINNEAPOLIS SKYLINE to COUNTRYSIDE.
The camera drives down the street.
EXT. PICTURESQUE MIDDLE-CLASS NEIGHBORHOODS
The camera drives down the street.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE
A HAPPY FAMILY raises the AMERICAN FLAG.
EXT. SUBURBAN DRIVEWAY
BURLY GUYS look up from washing a FORD TRUCK.
EXT. TRAILER PARK
Sign next to it reads: "Welcome to Mount Rose, Home of
Freda Klinghagen, Minnesota's Oldest Living Lutheran"
complete with a photo of the extremely old woman smiling
and waving.
EXT. CREW VAN
An ELDERLY COUPLE looks in the passenger window of the
van.
ELDERLY MAN (MAYOR)
Oh, yah-sure, Freda, yah. She was the
oldest livin' Lutheran. Now she's
dead as a doornail. It's them damn
Shriners who ain't taken that Goddamn
sign down yet - those lazy sons-a-
b*tches...
I tells kem, I tells kem every goddamn
year, "Take the Goddamn Freda sign
down, you lazy sons-a-b*tches!"
INT. GLADYS' VAN - DAY
Through the window a family waves to Gladys.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
Two BOYS play basketball in the driveway of their home.
SMALL CHILDREN in bathing suits play on a lawn. A boy
shoots his water pistol.
INT. LEEMAN STATION WAGON - AFTERNOON
Civil Servettes and crew are piled in. Gladys drives.
GLADYS:
...Today's "To Do" list includes a
trip to the Mall of America. We need
outfits for the "Physical Fitness"
number --
IRIS:
Nothin' too showy!
GLADYS:
Y'betcha, Iris. We still need a third
judge and we need to think of a theme.
Servettes react with pleasure.
IRIS:
Gladys -- Gladys! Look out!
A CAR SWERVES.
GLADYS:
Oh, my!
(waving out window)
Hello, Father Donigan! Sidewalks,
sidewalks?
Iris mimes drinking, "glug, glug."
GLADYS (cont'd)
Iris, stop!
(to camera)
It's not his fault. The communal wine
just proves too temptin' for some of
them.
IRIS:
That's why we Lutherans use grape
Koolaid for the blood of Christ.
EXT. MALL OF AMERICA
In the vast, already full parking lot, we see Gladys
Leeman's station wagon searching for a parking spot.
IRIS:
Oh, there's a parking space over
there. Oh, no, that's just a compact.
Sorry.
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"Drop Dead Gorgeous" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/drop_dead_gorgeous_419>.
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