Dude Bro Party Massacre III

1

This is

"Dude Bro Party Massacre III."

What you doing, buddy?

You mowing the lawn?

D-u-u-ude!

Br-o-o-o-o!

P-a-a-arty!

Massacre!

Three.

Three times this week

you've been in here,

and you've yet to tell me

why you keep saying "massacre."

It was just so painful.

There was so much blood.

Brock...

This is a safe place.

I need you to open up.

This is about those

two previous mass murders

on Frat Row, isn't it?

I don't know

if I can talk about that.

It's just...

so painful.

Okay. I'll try.

The first party massacre started

with a panty raid gone wrong.

The sorority house mother

was pissed.

No one taught her

how to open doors.

But she learned.

And she was out for revenge.

Oh! Little help, bro?

Wh... Wha... Oh, no!

Road Doggie

was her first victim.

Daddy's bro. Ugh...

Next, she went after Cindy

and C-Trunk.

Oh, C-Trunk.

Oh, C-Trunk!

What's taking you bros

so long to shower?!

But when she killed

Coach Handsey,

- I had to wonder...

- Aah!

...was she on our side?

Good throw.

- She wasn't!

- Aah!

- Whoa!

- Ohh!

She hunted us down!

Frat Row was no longer a street.

It was... a river...

- Ohh!

- ...of blood!

It was the death of Scooter

that rallied us together.

Aah!

The house mother was dead, see?

And I became a full

Delta Bi Theta.

But little did we know...

mother had a daughter.

Anyway, junior year,

we raged even harder.

We thought we were

gonna live forever.

And then fire...

We were wrong.

Could you hold

my hair back, bro?

Someone took her place.

Motherface.

The junior-year streaking

contest was under way.

I was supposed to officiate,

but I couldn't go

because I got pink eye.

That fart on my face

saved my life.

Too bad I couldn't say

the same for Jimmy Galoshes.

No one was safe

from her wrath...

Yeah. "Areolas."

Gonna masturbate.

...not even Little Spoon.

Aah.

Not Timmy and Tommy,

the Birdstone twins.

Look, babe... no hands!

Not concert pianist

Chaz Noodlemen.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Not even our weed dealer.

There was no way

to deal with the stress.

Aaaah!

Randall went on to have

three kids.

He seems happy.

I'm actually grabbing lunch

with him tomorrow.

But then she killed Dolphman.

It was Delta Bi genocide.

But in the end,

thanks to our good looks

and bond of brotherhood,

the Delta Bis

triumphed once more.

Looks like your flame...

retarded.

I projected an air

of cool, calm confidence,

'cause I'm Brock, you know?

But something in her eyes...

something told me that nothing

could stop Motherface.

Not even the grave.

Brock!

The serial killer

known as Motherface is dead.

You told me

you killed her yourself.

It's time you take your life...

back.

Thank God my twin brother Brent

didn't want to get

involved in the Greek system.

We used to be so close.

We haven't talked that much

since we went

to different colleges,

but I still...

feel him...

like we have some sort of...

psychological connection.

Brock, I need you to tell me

what you're most afraid of.

Besides seeing all my bros

killed before my very eyes?

Yes, besides that.

Please, tell me everything.

I don't know.

After watching 17

of my best friends

get killed by some crazy lady,

I guess you could say I'm

a little bit afraid of women.

Well, then it looks like

we're gonna have to

cut this session short.

Oh, I thought we

were making good progress.

Really? What are you doing?!

Aah! Damn it, Brock Chirino,

you punk!

You're gonna kill someone

with that thing!

No.

Ernest, that's Brent Chirino,

Brock's twin brother.

He transferred here

after Brock was killed

- in that brutal freak accident.

- Oh.

You know I've been trying

to work on my temper, Sebastian.

Brock was the coolest.

Hey, there

goes that sexy Brent Chirino.

Too bad his twin brother died.

I would've loved

to have been the meat

in that Chirino sandwich.

Yeah, at least

Brock wore a helmet!

I'm looking at you, Brent!

If you're hiding any drugs

in your butthole, missy,

I swear to God...

Brent...

Look out!

Brent.

There's still time!

Unh!

You really threw me for a loop.

I was on the edge of my seat.

Say, aren't you that fella

whose cool brother was murdered?

Whatever.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, name's Nedry...

Nedry Headcheese.

Chirino...

Brent Chirino.

I think you'll find

I have a lot to offer

as a best friend.

Whatever, man.

I'm not here to make friends.

I'm here to find out

who murdered my brother

and get revenge.

Say, isn't this the frat

your murdered brother

belonged to?

Maybe we could pledge together,

find out what really

happened to your brother.

I always thought...

I promised myself

I would never join a fraternity.

I already had one brother.

I don't need any other brothers.

And that's why,

even though a pack of wolves

took the use of my legs,

I decided to become

a zoology major.

My whole family

was once murdered by wolves.

Well, well, well...

If it isn't Brock Chirino,

back from the dead.

Actually,

I'm Brock's twin brother, Brent.

Weird.

Hey, you looking to pledge?

Great to have you

aboard Delta Bi.

- Oh, I...

- But I...

I understand, you know?

If you need some more time

to get over

your brother's tragic death...

No.

I'm done grieving.

I'm ready to party

until my pants fall off.

Welcome to Delta Bi Theta.

I think you're gonna fit

right in with the guys.

I'm Derek. I'm the friendliest

guy you'll meet here.

Shut the f*** up, Derek!

Nice comeback, bro.

Don't mind the camera.

That's Z.Q.

You should see the workout tapes

he makes of us bros.

They're very... artistic.

- Hi.

- Hello.

Come on. Let's go inside.

Siskel and Ebert say

"Pizza Goblins"

is "family magic."

"Two thumbs way down."

Dragons fr...

Welcome to Delta Bi.

You'll see

that the party never stops here.

That's Spike.

He rages harder than any of us.

Classic Spike.

That there is Sizzler.

He's trying to pledge Delta Bi,

but he won't get in

'cause he's a vegetarian.

What?

This here is Samzy.

He has a lot

of memories of your brother.

I made them just like you

like them, Samzy... overhard.

- Pretty nice.

- Overhard.

Like you, Samzy.

Sorry.

Samzy's a bit of a b*tch.

Oh. That explains it.

This is Todd.

We call him T-O-Double-D

for short.

He's pre-med.

Smartest guy in the frat.

Ohh!

Jesus, Derek, not now!

I got a lot on my mind.

Look at all my work

that I'm doing.

With midterms and finals

for everyone, what...

- Brock?

- Oh, this is actually Brent,

Brock's twin brother.

Weird.

- Surprise!

- No!

Ugh!

Samantha, what the f***?!

That's Todd's girlfriend,

Samantha.

She's a psych major, which means

she's a total psycho.

But, uh, you know,

she owns a motor home,

- so it's cool.

- Oh.

Babe, you can't keep

coming in here,

bringing delicious treats

for me.

But you deserve a treat, Todd!

Just a little bit of pampering

before our big anniversary

getaway weekend

in old-town Sacramento.

I guess I do deserve a treat.

Mm-hmm.

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