Due Date Page #2

Yes.

Well, he ran across country,

and he was pretty stupid.

So l have faith in you.

You're free to leave.

SARAH [OVER PHONE]:

What kind of incident?

PETER:

I'm probably overstating.

It's the manageable kind.

A micro-incident.

But it unfortunately landed me

on a No-Fly list.

What did you do, Peter?

Did you snap at somebody?

Nope. I did not. l was cool,

calm and collected the whole time.

I was completely in my rights.

You get so carried away sometimes.

How are you gonna get home?

I have a plan.

And the plan is sorting itself out.

-But my wallet is traveling.

-What?

The ID's in it, l've been trying

to rent a car, I had the office fax--

But l am exhausting any

and all opportunities to--

[CAR ALARM WAlLS]

Hey! I've been looking all over for you.

-Stay away from me.

ETHAN:
But I found something of yours.

Honey, this might all be solved.

I'll call you right back.

Peter?

You got my stuff?

-l grabbed it before they zip-tied me.

-Rally Monkey?

-You get my wallet?

-l didn't see it.

Where's my bag?

I saw your bag, but I didn't grab it

because my hands were full.

You know, I had this thing in my hand.

-What kind of car did you get?

-l didn't, because I don't have a license...

...because it's in my wallet

that's on the.... Right?

Oh, shoot. What a bummer.

Yeah, bummer.

Thanks for the doll.

F***ing idiot.

Hey, you wanna ride with us?

No, I'm fine.

I'm not really a big dog person.

Look, l know we got off

on the wrong foot.

But l have a really great personality

once you get to know me.

Yeah, l'm sure you do.

I got 90 friends on Facebook.

Twelve pending, but I got 90 friends.

I'll cover expenses.

You can pay me back

when we get to Hollywood.

PETER:
L.A.

ETHAN:
Huh?

It's not called Hollywood.

It's Los Angeles.

Yeah, but l'm going to Hollywood.

What's your name?

Peter.

My name's Ethan. Ethan Tremblay.

And this little guy...

...this little butterball...

...this is Sonny.

And we would be honored

to have you ride with us. Come on.

It'll be fun.

[ETHAN SQUEALS AND LAUGHS]

JK. LOL.

HI. "Hop in."

Life's weird, isn't it? Buckle up.

ETHAN:
You have any brothers or sisters?

PETER:
No.

ETHAN:
You have a dog?

PETER:
Nope.

Let me ask you this:

What's your favorite color?

-Blue.

-That's so cool. Mine's green.

Wow.

-Do you like hot dogs?

-Yes, I do.

I'm more of a corn-dog man, myself.

I once ate a foot-long corn dog

on a nude beach.

I'll never do that again.

-At what age did you lose your virginity?

-l'm not gonna discuss that.

-l was 9 years old.

-Boy.

Great gal. Great gal.

Sheila Pimples.

I'm getting a headache,

not because of you.

It's just, l'm under a lot of pressure.

My wife and l are having a baby.

-On Friday. That's who the monkey's for.

-Oh, really?

-Yep. C-section.

-That's sweet.

-So if we could just.... Thanks.

-l understand. God, l totally understand.

I was supposed to meet

a bigtime agent in Hollywood.

Luckily, he postponed.

-So you're an actor.

-Yep.

Yep. You know what?

In fact, l wouldn't mind having

a fresh pair of eyes--

Hey, hey, hey.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

My apologies. Look at this.

-Okay. If you'd just look at the road.

-l got it.

-Oh, your headshots.

-Headshots.

This one, this is a laid-back guy

with a Hawaiian shirt...

...but he packs a piece.

-lnteresting.

-Yep.

This one was my father's favorite.

He says it really showed my spirit.

And l agree with him.

PETER:

What's that, a--?

That's a gang member,

a construction worker, and....

And a nerd. A professor.

No. I'm Malcolm X.

He thinks he's human. So stupid.

What brought you to Atlanta?

Business or pleasure?

-Business.

-Business.

What kind of business?

Architecture.

-How'd you get into architecture?

-College. Anything else?

-Because I'm trying to--

-l'm sorry.

We're gonna be traveling.

It wouldn't hurt to get to know each other.

Okay.

Ethan, what brought you to Atlanta?

Business or pleasure?

My daddy died.

I went to Atlanta to go to his funeral.

Gee, I didn't know. l'm sorry.

He was a great guy, man.

That's why I'm heading out West.

He's the one that motivated me

to get on the TV.

-TV?

-Yeah.

Tough business to break into.

So competitive.

I have a friend, he's in that industry.

-Does he work on Two and a HalfMen?

-No. He--

That's too bad.

Because Two and a Half Men...

...is the reason I wanted

to become an actor.

-Right.

-Especially the second season.

PETER:

Here's the plan.

We are just outside Birmingham...

...and we got a late start, so we will

only make it just to inside Louisiana.

Early to bed, early to rise.

Long 1 6- to 1 8-hour haul,

which will land us in Phoenix, Arizona.

-Eight hours outside of L.A.

-You know what'd be nice?

If we could stop at the Grand Canyon.

We're not going to the Grand Canyon.

That would be easily 1 20 miles off

our optimum route.

That's too bad.

Daddy would've loved

the Grand Canyon.

Why do you even have this?

Oh, because this is my daddy.

These are his ashes.

Why are your father's ashes

in a coffee can, Ethan?

Because he's dead, Peter.

-l know. l know that part.

-Don't you listen to anything?

I'm just saying,

normal people put remains in an urn.

ETHAN:

This is vacuum-sealed.

You broke the seal

when you poured out the coffee.

You poured your father's remains in

and closed it. That didn't reseal it.

That's the dumbest thing

I've ever heard in my life.

[SNEEZES]

God. We shouldn't have come here.

I'm allergic to waffles.

ETHAN:

Come on, Sonny. Thank you.

We need to make a brief pit stop

in Birmingham.

Actually, our next stop is Shreveport.

That's where we rest.

-lt's 1 0 minutes away.

-Let's see if we can make it.

Why you making a pit stop in Birmingham?

We gotta make time.

I left my glaucoma medication

on the plane.

Wait, wait, wait. Your what?

You mean your weed?

-lt's medical marijuana, Peter.

-No, it's weed.

-Why do you make everything so dark?

-lt's weed.

I'm saying l really don't want to stop

and buy drugs. Is that okay?

I didn't want to play this card,

certainly not this early.

But guess what. Guess who's got

the Subaru lmpreza. Me.

Guess who's got all the money. Me.

Guess who's got

a winning personality. Me.

What do you have?

You have a nice hairline, fine.

You have a strong jaw, fine.

But l gotta tell you something, mister.

Your personality needs some work.

My God.

Now, do you want a ride

to California or not?

-Yes, please.

-Good. Hold Dad.

-Dad!

-l'm sorry. I got it. I got it, I got it.

Okay. God Almighty, holy moly.

It's like l'm traveling with a child.

-Did you use the restroom?

-l need to take a pee-pee.

[LINE RINGS]

SARAH:
Peter?

-Crisis averted, l'm driving.

-Driving how?

-Let me talk to her.

With a guy-- Please don't.

With a guy that l met in a rent-a-car.

You're gonna drive 2000 miles

with a guy you just met?

Say hi to--

Sarah? Hi, this is Ethan Tremblay.

I'm riding with Peter. How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

Rate this script:3.9 / 11 votes