Due Date Page #8

So...

...just--

You're something else. Thanks.

That's a load off.

Well, there's something l've been

wanting to get off my chest too.

Shoot.

I'm not really 23 years old.

I know.

It's okay.

The other thing is...

...Peter...

...l have your wallet

and l've had it this whole time.

What?

What are you talking about?

Peter...

...okay, listen.

Why would you do that?

I saw it on the plane

and l didn't wanna be alone.

I was feeling vulnerable

because of my father's death.

And l just didn't wanna go across country

by myself, you know?

-lt's all here.

-Yeah.

All my money, all my credit cards.

Everything....

Everything I needed.

This whole time.

-You're okay with it?

-lt's in the past.

What are you gonna do?

-Okay.

-Okay.

-Thanks, Peter.

-Yep.

Okay. Okay.

Let's just hit the road then, right?

-You get Sonny, and l'll drive.

-l'll grab him in a minute.

-After I f***ing kill you!

-Ow!

You little thief prick.

Die, thief. You thief.

Calm down!

Peter, count to 1 0. It'll help. Aah!

[CELL PHONE RlNGlNG]

The phone's ringing!

[ETHAN COUGHlNG]

-Hello, dear.

-Peter, it's happening.

-What?

-You won't believe it. My water broke.

-How?

-Where are you?

I'm at the Grand Canyon.

I'll be there in a minute.

What? Did you just say

the Grand Canyon?

Peter?

Mom? He's at the Grand Canyon.

Oh, my God.

-Who was it?

-My wife has gone into labor.

-l thought we were having a C-section.

-Get in the car.

You stepped on my Capezios.

Okay, okay, okay!

Let's go!

Good God, you maniac.

Not gonna make it. That's great.

I'm gonna miss the birth of my child.

We are gonna make it.

There's no "we." Don't say "we."

-Okay, look-- No. Me first.

-Please, can I--?

No. You can't. I told you l saw red.

I told you l was gonna put hands on you.

I have a problem.

And l'm sorry you were

the recipient of it.

But l warned you.

-l'm sorry.

-Fine.

But in the future,

when we're hanging out as buddies...

...if we get into a fight,

don't go for my face.

-That's how l make a living. Okay?

-Okay.

Still bleeding.

Check the glove, there's probably

a first-aid kit or something.

Clean yourself up.

Check this thing out.

Oh, shoot.

[SCREAMS]

I can't believe l did that.

Sorry, Peter. I'm so sorry.

I didn't think it was loaded. Pull over.

-No, I wanna keep going.

-No. Pull over.

-l don't want to.

-Pull over.

No, it didn't happen,

it didn't happen! Why?!

-l'm in shock!

-lt burns!

ETHAN:

Pull over! Pull over!

[PETER GROANlNG]

Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic!

[GROANS]

-Oh, no.

-Yep.

It's right there, yep.

-l'm so sorry.

-Don't worry.

We gotta stop the bleeding.

I need your scarf.

-Turn around?

-No. No, a tourniquet. A tourniquet.

What the f*** are you doing?

Turn around! Stay still. l got it.

You're fine. Right here.

I need you to tie it. I only got one hand.

It's deep.

We gotta get you to a hospital.

We're going to a hospital.

We're gonna be fine.

Oh, God! What did l do?

-Stop freaking out. lt's okay.

-What did l do? What did I do?

Let's do a little acting exercise like we did

at the rest stop in the bathroom, okay?

You're a sergeant,

I'm just a grunt in your platoon...

...but you promised me that you'd get me

home to my high-school sweetheart.

Okay.

Action.

[VOMlTING]

-Peter.

-Yeah?

I puked on the wound.

I know. It's okay, buddy.

I need you to drive, but we gotta go.

Okay?

Come on.

Get in the back seat, private.

What are you, a girl or something?

-Excellent.

-Like that?

-Yeah, let's roll.

-Yeah, okay.

-Figured it out yet?

-Figured what out?

Your son's about to be born.

What will you name him?

-l'll know it when I see him.

-How about "Sonny"?

No. Not naming my son

after a masturbating dog.

Don't listen to him, Sonny. He loves you.

Sonny, no!

Sonny. Sorry.

We're heading home!

I made it.

-Okay, come on.

-l made it.

Oh, the monkey, the monkey,

the monkey.

Sonny, we'll be right back, okay?

Got it.

PETER:

Oh, f***.

Thank you.

I have an expectant father

and a gunshot victim.

PETER:

I know where we're going. Right here.

Then we cut left.

-Shoot.

-What?

I forgot to crack a window for Sonny.

-The door's off the car, Ethan.

-Right. Okay, good.

See? Together we think of everything.

Okay, here we go.

-Let's get you cleaned up. Right?

-Great. Yeah.

Give me these guys.

It's all about to go down.

Give you a vest, cover up the blood.

Have l told you that l love your perm?

Thank you, Peter.

Look who's come around.

PETER:

Sarah?

No, come on, come on.

This way, this way. Here we go.

-Ma'am.

-Here we go.

Put your handcuffs in your pocket.

Hide them.

-Here's the Rally Monkey.

-Boom.

-Ohh!

-Just keep pushing.

Sarah?

-Sarah?

-Peter?

-You hear that?

ETHAN:
Go!

SARAH:
Peter!

-Sarah!

Darryl. What the f***?

FATHER:
Whoa, whoa. Whoa, hey.

-Who the hell is this guy?

You gotta go, man. You gotta go.

SARAH:
Peter!

-Peter, it's this way.

What the f***?

Baby! Baby, you made it!

-Jesus, Peter, are you okay?

SARAH:
Baby?

No, I just lost a little blood.

-Ohh! Oh, my God!

ETHAN:
Everybody relax.

Relax. We need to find a hospital, okay?

-Who are you?

-My name is Ethan Tremblay.

-l'm your husband's best friend.

-lt's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Let's get that baby out of your vagina.

Okay.

-Breathe.

-Ahh!

[BABY CRYlNG]

ETHAN:

Look at the babies.

Look at that baby, right?

You see it?

PETER:
Hey. What do we got?

-You little rascal.

-Look what you made.

-Show me.

Ohh. He's really cute.

That's a handsome boy.

-lt's a girl, actually.

-Mm-mm.

-Yep.

-No, the--

Dr. Greene says it happens all the time.

You know, ultrasounds

aren't always reliable.

Right.

-Little Rosie.

-Rosie?

Little Rosie Highman.

Does that sound strange to you?

No, it's such a pretty name.

Sarah thought you'd be okay with it.

-When did you talk to Sarah?

-Right after l cut the umbilical cord.

-You cut it?

-The tether of life from mother to child.

I got to cut that.

-No.

-Yes.

-You?

-l kept some.

I kept a little bit of it

and put it in my wallet.

-lt's good for sore ankles and stuff.

-Wow.

Wow. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Ethan, l dreamt this.

-This is crazy. I had this strange dream...

-Yeah?

...that was today.

And there was a bear.

What?

-And the bear chewed the cord.

-Mm-hm.

That's spot-on if you think about it.

That's like a one in a....

You know what l mean?

-l don't get it. What--?

-Forget it.

It's-- It's....

It's gotta be a good sign.

I guess I'll maybe leave you

with your family...

...and l got that meeting with that agent.

-lt's Friday.

-Yeah.

Yeah, good luck.

Oh, l wanted to give you this.

It has all of my information.

-Mm-hm.

-ln case you wanna get a soda.

-Or, you know, I could babysit.

-Right.

I'll keep it handy.

We had a crazy few days.

That was nuts.

We should do it again.

Go across country again.

Okay.

-Sure.

-Call me tomorrow about it.

-lf I don't--

-Call me tomorrow about it.

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