Dumb And Dumber
- Year:
- 1994
- 1 View
(tires screech)
Excuse me.
Could you tell me how to get to the medical school?
I'm supposed to be doing a lecture in about 20 minutes, and my driver's a bit lost.
(Austrian accent) You go straight ahead, and, uh, you make a left over the bridge.
That's a lovely accent you have.
New Jersey? Austria.
Austria! Ha ha! Well, then...
(Australian accent) G'day, mate.
Let's put another shrimp on the barbie.
Let's not.
Oh.
("Boom shack-a-lak" playing)
# Boom shack-a-lak-a, what the people want #
# Women them a flex and the men them a chant #
# 'Ca' the '60s style, it have fe come back #
# Draw fe bell-bottom, block heel and frock #
# Boom shak-a-lak, rude boy #
# Here when we tell them now, sir #
# Wine your body, wriggle your belly #
# Dip and go down-ee in the new stylee #
# Wine and go up, wine and go down #
# Bubble and a rocka to the new style around #
# You fe line it up, you fe wine it up #
# Do the Boom shak-a-lak till the dance hall fill up #
# I say the Boom shack-a-lak are the brand new style #
# Wicked say it wicked, jah jah, no say it wild #
# Ragamuffin style fe the discipline child #
# Dip and go downa 'ca' it well versatile #
# You fe move fe your waist, move fe your back #
# Wine and go down, do the shack-a-lak-a-lak #
# Get in a groove 'ca' you are the top notch #
# Bubble and a wine gal right 'pon the spot. #
Now, who's got the wiener schnitzel?
(dog barks)
Beautiful. There you go, Dolf.
There you go, buddy. Yeah.
Let's see.
Next, we got roast beef au jus.
(dog whines)
Who's got the roast beef au jus?
Stella, beautiful. Bon appetit, Stella.
Oui oui, yeah.
Walk away. Go on. Go on.
Last but not least... foot-long!
Who's got the foot-long? (whimpering)
There you... very funny, rascal.
Very funny. In your dreams.
Man:
Harry, why haven't you dropped those dogs off at the show yet?Uh, sir, I didn't want to send them to a performance on an empty stomach, sir.
- Get a move on it! Yes, sir.
Mutt cutts. 10-4.
(all whining)
(horn honks)
(honks)
(tires screech)
Whew.
Suck me sideways.
Hello. How are you?
(romantic pop music playing)
Uh-uh-uh... uh... uh-uh-uh...
I'll be out in one minute.
(mumbles)
Ow.
(inhales)
(exhales)
Why are you going to the airport?
Flying somewhere?
How'd you guess?
I saw your luggage.
Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put two and two together.
So where're you headed?
Aspen.
Mmm... California.
Beautiful.
Name's Christmas, Lloyd Christmas.
I'm Mary Swanson.
This isn't my real job, you know.
No? Nope, my friend Harry and I are saving up our money to open our own pet store.
That's nice.
I got worms. I beg your pardon?
That's what we're going to call it... I Got Worms.
We're going to specialize in selling worm farms, you know, like ant farms.
What's the matter?
A little tense about the flight?
Something like that.
There's really nothing to worry about, Mary.
Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck...
That's the worst. I have this cousin... well, I had this cousin.
Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?
Oh. Yeah.
Good thinking.
Can't be too careful.
A lot of bad drivers out there.
(tires screeching)
Hey, watch it!
(dogs whimpering)
(tires screech)
Okay, gang, you know the rules... no humping, no pushing, no sniffing heinies.
Where have you been? My dogs were supposed to be here 40 minutes ago!
Now I hardly have any time to primp them.
Don't worry about a thing, Mrs. Neugy-burger.
Neugeboren! Neug-neug-neug...
Boren! Boren.
These pooches aren't going to need any primping.
You know why? I'll tell you why.
Because I bathed them and I clipped them myself.
And I stand by my performance.
(whimpering)
You know, on second thought, you might just want to run a comb through 'em.
Male voice:
The white zone is for the immediate Male voice: The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.No parking.
Thanks. Here you go.
Oh no, Mary.
I couldn't possibly accept that, not after all we've been through.
Thank you, Lloyd.
Uh, good luck with your worms. Yeah.
Hey.
How about a hug?
The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only.
No parking.
Oh.
I hate goodbyes. (chuckles)
Oh.
(groans)
Uh, Lloyd...
Shh!
(whispers) Just go.
(romantic pop music playing)
(voice wavering) Be strong.
(sighs)
Woman over PA:
Mr. Dan Mitchell, please pick up the white courtesy phone.Mr. Dan Mitchell, please pick up the white courtesy phone...
She's gonna leave the briefcase near the escalator.
You make the pickup. Piece of cake.
# Goodbye, my lo... # ugh!
(laughs)
Hi!
Passenger Maura Tadge, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
You have a message.
Passenger Maura Tadge.
(yells) Agh! Mary!
Man:
There's our payday.She left it. Let's go.
Lloyd:
Excuse me! Coming through!Move it or lose it, sister!
Hey!
(panting)
Eenie... meenie... minie... mo!
Hold that plane!
Sir, you can't go in there!
It's okay!
I'm a limo driver!
Agh! (thuds)
Whew...
(moaning)
(tires screech)
(sirens blaring in distance)
Hi, Lloyd.
Hi, Harry.
How was your day? Not bad.
Fell off the jetway again.
Who the hell you figure this guy's working for, anyway?
I don't know.
We sure as hell better find out.
The ulcer?
I'll live.
(bird chirping)
So you got fired again, huh? Oh, yeah.
They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Man! You are one pathetic loser.
(laughing) No offense.
No. None taken.
Ha ha ha!
You know what really chaffs my ass, though?
I spent my life's savings turning my van into a dog.
Hi, Petey!
Hey! Chicks love it.
It's a shaggin' wagon.
What's with the briefcase?
It's a love memento.
The most beautiful woman alive, I drove her to the airport.
Sparks flew, emotions ran high.
She actually talked to me, man.
Get outta here.
Oh, yeah yeah. Tractor beam...
(humming whistle) Sucked me right in.
Anyway... (inhales deeply)
She left this in the terminal and flew to Aspen and out of my life.
What's in it?
Man... I would have to be a lowlife to go rootin' around in somebody else's private property.
Is it locked? Yeah, really well.
(knock on door)
Harry:
There's two of them. One of them's got a gun.Did you pay the gas bill?
Hey...
(whispering) Do you realize what you've done?
I'm sorry. I say we bail.
Okay.
(slams) Briefcase ain't here.
They must have taken it with them.
Well, he's got to come home sometime.
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"Dumb And Dumber" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dumb_and_dumber_27682>.
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