Dumb and Dumber To Page #3

Why didn't you just

go find her in person?

If she doesn't want to meet me,

lam not going to force myself on her.

Maybe she didn't get your letter.

She got it, all right.

What if we go track her down for you?

There's no lawsuit against that.

Are you guys serious?

You'd help me out?

Of course we'll help you out.

We're gonna need some wheels.

I'll lend you a car.

Then it's done.

Yeah, using this address

and our superior instincts,

you and your little

girl are gonna be having

a family reunion in no time.

Cheers!

Whoa! Wait. Where did you get that?

The Slurpee machine in the back.

That's embalming fluid.

Oh.

Does it have aspartame?

No.

Cool.

Hey, guys, check this out!

What about the blue roads

with the big numbers?

Those are rivers.

They're rivers? Yeah.

We could get a boat.

Boats are dangerous.

This is it.

6765 Elmwood.

You look nervous.

I am nervous! I'm about to meet my kid

and I don't know what to say to her.

That's real easy, Har.

You make a little small talk about

why you missed all those birthdays,

holidays and graduations.

Maybe a couple of dick

jokes to put her at ease.

And boing, you hit

her up for the kidney.

Okay. What if she says no?

She's not gonna say no.

She's the fruit of your loom.

Suck me sideways.

You're the spitting

image of your mother.

You morons.

This is the return address.

Hers is on the side with the stamp.

Oh.

But it's still uncanny!

Oxford, Maryland, huh?

So that's where my little girl's

been living all these years.

He)', Har!

Look it Giant nutcracker.

on.

I want

your nuts,

Harry!

Boy, I sure wish I could have been

there for her when she was little.

Whatever.

That's all water under

the fridge now, Har.

Think of the bright side.

You're finally getting to meet her

and you never had to change

all those poopie diapers.

That's called being a parent, Lloyd.

Besides, I changed your

poopie diapers for 20 years.

I totally sucked you in.

Half the time, it wasn't even my poop.

I wonder what it would have

been like to raise a child.

Maybe I couldn't afford to send

her to the best public schools,

but I'll bet I would have

been a pretty good dad.

You don't need training

wheels. You can do this.

Here we go!

Come on, come on!

No way!

That was awesome!

Awesome!

Perfect. Okay.

One,

two,

three.

Hey, Mr. Dunne.

Hello, Baxter. How are

you? Good to see you.

Here you go, honey.

Thank you, Mr. Dunne! Bye, Dad!

Isn't that good? Mmm-hmm.

Mr. Dunne!

Mr. Dunne!

Hey, Mr. Dunne!

Do you mind?

Bon apptit, kid!

Lloyd!

What are you doing?

I was trying to clean off this smudge!

But you know what?

I think it might be on the inside!

This type of evening always provides

nonstop surprises.

Ah, look who's arrived. Tom Brady

with his gorgeous wife,

Gisele, by his side.

Doesn't she look radiant?

Tom's in agreement, I think.

Now that is hot.

Yep-

That's why he gets all the girls.

it sure would be nice.

What would be nice, Lloyd?

Oh! You know,

if she introduced me to

one of her hot girlfriends.

Girlfriends.

She's 22!

So?

So, that's a lot younger than you.

Don't worry, when we get home,

I'm gonna fix you up

with someone your own age.

My age? Gross!

I mean, what would we talk about?

I don't know. Same stuff you

talked about in high school

when you took chicks down

to Oyster Swallow Cove.

Oyster Swallow Cove.

There's a trip down Mammary Lane.

Oh, crap!

We gotta get back to Providence!

What? Why?

Remember I told you Ice Pick had to make

that rock candy run down to Maine?

Yeah.

I forgot to get someone

to feed Butthole.

Relax. I took care of it.

You did?

Yeah. Billy in 4-C's gonna feed him.

on, great!

Did you give him the

key to our apartment?

No.

You think I want wheel

marks all over the rug?

I just wrote him a note, left some food

and threw Butthole inside his

place when we were leaving.

But, Lloyd, Billy has over a

hundred rare birds in there!

So?

They're not gonna mess

with a 30-pound alley cat.

Sheesh!

Hey, gang! I'm home!

Guys?

You sure are quiet.

Speak to me, Siskel.

The horror! The horror!

Are you sure you don't wanna come, Dad?

It's not gonna be nearly

as much fun without you.

Oh, of course I wanna come, monkey,

but it's out of the question.

I'm way too flu-ey to travel.

But all the geeky science guys

are gonna be so disappointed.

They were finally gonna

get to meet you in person!

So sorry, honey.

Ms. Pinchelow, your car is here.

Thanks, Travis!

Okay!

Take care of my dad, Adele.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa!

Penny, do you have the

speech I wrote for you?

I do.

Good. Oh!

I almost forgot. There's one more thing.

I want you to take this box

and personally give it to the head

of the conference, Dr. Walcott,

and say how sorry I am

that I can't be there.

Got it.

Oh, what's in the box, honey? Mmm.

Just a small gift.

Wow, Penny. You're giving a speech?

Oh, it's only a couple of

sentences on the last day,

but then I'm picking

up a reward for my dad.

Award, honey.

Did you remember to bring

the ATM card I gave you?

Yes. But what's my PIN number

again? I keep forgetting.

It's 11-11.

I thought it had to be four numbers.

There are four numbers.

One-one-one-one.

Time to go! Come on, Penny.

Aw!

Are you smiling at me?

Are you smiling at me?

He's a good boy! Yes, he is!

Let me see your purty teeth!

Oh! Say it, don't spray it!

We're almost there. The guy told

me to get off at the next exit.

Shh. They're picking the lottery balls.

Here's today's Mega-Lottery

picks, worth 34 million dollars.

The first number is 44. The next is 2.

38, 24, 21 and 54.

Cripes! I was so close!

I had all the right numbers,

but in the wrong order.

Honey, my stomach is killing me.

Can you bring me some more Pepto?

I'm making you some nice warm oatmeal.

It will settle your tummy.

What are you doing?

I'm fixing lunch for my husband.

That's not enough.

We gotta pick up the pace a

little bit. We want him dead

before Dumbelina gets back from

that egghead convention, remember?

Slow it down.

If we put too much in at once,

it could show up in an autopsy.

Not this stuff.

I got it from my twin

brother. He's Special Ops.

It's totally undetectable.

Now come on. Let's hurry this up.

That way we have a few

extra days to ourselves,

to enjoy our inheritance.

Oh, there's gonna be

plenty of time for that.

Five million dollars

buys a lot of champagne.

Give it to me.

You like that, don't you?

Yeah. It's all right.

I'll be honest. It's

not my favorite thing.

Who the hell is that?

Boy, this is quite a shack, huh, Har?

Yeah, but I bet if you

pulled the weeds off the walls

and slapped up some aluminum

siding, it wouldn't be half bad.

Yeah. Those things are rat ladders.

ADELE". Please stop that.

There's a very sick man in

here who's trying to rest.

I'm sorry, lady! We're

looking for Fanny Felcher!

The one with the kidneys.

Is she there?

There is no one here

by that horrible name.

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