Dumbbells

---

My coach

always told me

that in order

to achieve success

you must visualize

your dreams.

But more importantly,

you have to believe it.

For me, that vision

has always been clear.

NBA superstar

and married to Kim,

the love of my life.

If this all sounds

farfetched to you,

you probably haven't

seen me play.

My name is Chris Long.

And tonight

I realize my destiny.

# If it weren't for the boy

# Who felt like

whatever he did #

# Wasn't good enough

# Was different

than every kid #

# But wait,

deep down inside #

# There was a genius within

# And his heart was of gold

and hope was eager to win #

# Was so sick and tired

of all these people #

# Sneaking on him

# No, he would come and attack

by the evil again #

# And his family's poor

# He swore he would

feed them again #

# But on his way out there goes

the Grim Reaper again #

# They put him in

the coliseum #

# To be food for the lions

# But he cut right through 'em

like the man on fire #

# With my heart

of Leonidas #

# He fought through

all them riots #

# Cause he was one bad man

stick his nose to the choir #

# But this world

was deep in for you #

# Bloodlines went back

to the people #

Look at this crowd,

the feeling here is electric.

All that anticipation

for this epic showdown

between LA Tech

and Rock Falls Pioneers.

But the big story here

is the heroic play

of senior phenom Chris Long.

He has literally put

this team on his back

and carried them into

their first final appearance

in 23 years.

How about that?

That's right, Jeff.

Chris Long has had four,

count 'em,

four consecutive

Temple doubles.

He shows no sign

of stopping.

He will easily go top five

in the draft this year.

Top five?

What's wrong with you?

How about the top pick?

How do you spell MVP?

Chris Long.

Watch out NBA,

here comes Long.

Okay, Kim is a ho for sho'.

Chris deserves so much

better than her.

Brittany, it's your turn.

Truth or dare?

Truth.

Who would you rather f***?

David Beckham, Tom Brady,

or Chris Long?

Duh, Chris Long!

Chris, Chris, Chris,

Chris, Chris!

Oh, my God!

No, no, Dick,

it looks like it's his knee,

this could be serious.

This is a crack

in the team's armor

they do not need

right now.

Oh, this hurts

just to look at.

Kimmy-poo.

Ah, what are you doing?

Thought you weren't supposed to

be back for another hour.

What's with the suitcase?

Don't be so emotional,

Chris.

I'm, I'm not being emotional.

I don't have time for this,

Daddy's waiting.

But everything's

in the note.

Whoa, whoa,

Kim, slow down.

What's going on,

where are you going?

You have three and a half

years of college left.

This is your dorm room.

You're an art major.

I thought you,

you loved my paintings.

Yuck.

Kim, you can't listen to what

coaches and doctors

and physical therapists

and everyone else

at the school says.

I'm getting drafted.

You're delusional.

Wake up.

Kim!

Kim, wait!

Loud and clear,

all right,

talk to you later.

All right, Mr. Long.

So, yeah, over here.

That was my boss

on the phone.

Sorry that took so long,

it's not just your thing,

I've got a sexual harassment

suit thing against me.

Whatever, you know,

b*tches be crazy, you know?

B*tches also don't like

being called b*tches

in the boardroom, so,

you live and you learn.

Anyway, good news for you.

He actually thinks

you look like

a professional

basketball player.

Awesome, so does that mean

I get the loan?

What?

No, God no, not even,

were you serious about that?

No, you uh, you have no assets

to speak of

besides the size of your balls

for even asking

for that amount of money.

In fact, he thinks it's

a real estate scam.

No, no, no, no,

it's not a scam.

Okay.

And uh, look, I need this loan,

okay?

I, I owe a lot of rent

and...

Oh, well then, here,

take the money.

You know, would you,

no, it's no, it's no.

I don't know where

you're from,

but this is America, okay?

And in America

financial institutions

work with rules

and regulations.

You know?

It keeps us out of

economic des...

I mean, actually it lead to

economic destruction

right now, currently.

That's, that's on us,

admittedly,

but we've learned.

Probably a lot of it was from

giving loans

to people like you, let's be

honest, I'm just saying.

And I don't appreciate

the death stare, by the way,

so if you could put that

in your pocket as you leave.

But, look, okay?

I understand, all right?

You're desperate.

If I could offer you

some advice,

if you wouldn't mind,

just one guy to another, okay?

Get the f*** out

of my office.

Six AM, papi,

not ten.

Hello?

Excuse me?

Hello?

We need some help here.

There are like,

so many membership packages.

We, like, don't know

what we want.

Oh, my God.

You look so familiar.

Where do we

know him from?

I think he was at the club

last night, remember?

No, he wasn't at the club.

We saw him at the market,

remember?

He as at the salad bar.

Oh, my God,

no, wait,

you played for LA Tech,

didn't you?

OMG, you're that

basketball guy, right?

May I help you ladies?

So how did you end up

in here?

Yeah, you work here now?

I like, totally do work here.

Isn't that, like, crazy?

Are you mocking us?

Gosh.

This is the rudest gym

we've ever been to.

The rudest.

You need deodorant.

Elvira wants

her hairdo back.

Excuse me, young ladies,

hi, I'm Missy, hi.

Holy Jesus, Chris,

you really,

really gave it to 'em, huh?

- B*tches, right?

- Amen, brother.

Are you gonna let him speak

to our customers like that?

Cus-, they didn't buy anything.

Did they buy anything?

How are we supposed to

get more business

with you scaring

everybody off?

Did you really want

the Hilton freaks

working out here, Missy?

The b*tches have money,

so, yeah.

I don't give a f*** if

they wanna snort lines

in the sauna.

Well, thank you

for your input.

Now if you'll excuse me

I'm gonna get back

to some work.

You mean staring at

that skinny b*tch's

Facebook page again.

Miho, you need to go out

and get laid,

for Christ's sakes,

let a girl play with your dick

for all of our benefits.

News flash,

I make minimum wage

which makes me about

as attractive to women

as a yeast infection.

You're disgusting.

You're

disgusting.

What's up dicksfit?

Seen the numbers on

my YouTube video?

I'm up to 104 views.

About to make

that sneezing panda my b*tch.

Bro, you're getting the floor

all wet.

You're getting the kitchen

all ugly.

Hey, Chris.

Don't you f***ing

talk to her.

I'm not even

talking to you.

You getting smart

with me, man?

I'm an orange belt,

I'll make you my prison b*tch.

- Are we done?

- I'm never done, Chris.

I got 20 more laps

and an hour more worth of legs

and I'm not gonna stop

till I feel

like I'm back in college

and there's a f***ing party

in the quad.

God, I love Mondays!

Hello, Chris.

You look a little bit down.

Maybe I can cheer you up with

a little bit of a tap dance.

What are you doing?

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