Dunston Checks In Page #2

- Well, it's wonderful, Mrs. Dubrow.

But the "Le Monde" people might not

appreciate us just addinga sixth star.

No, no. The "Le Monde" people

have decided to award a sixth star

to the most elite hotels in the world.

Now, I have it on good authority

they have a person here "now".

The "Le Monde" people have

a representative here now? This week?

Of course. This week.

The Crystal Ball

is the social event of the season.

I want that sixth star.

Are we very clear on that?

I will be very upset if I don't get it.

I understand.

Good. And next week, when every travel

section in the country interviews us,

I want you in the picture with me.

Next week...

Could you excuse me for just a second?

Uh, ah...

Oh, yes, yes.

I... I am scheduled for a vacation next week.

No, no, no, no!

Ow!

Uh... banged my knee. Trick knee.

Robert, I need you here.

Dad, you promised!

If you want to kill me, just kill me. Pick

something up and beat me over the head.

Why is he talking to his crotch?

Is there a problem, Robert?

No. No.

Dad!

Uh, well, yes, um... actually, Mrs. Dubrow.

This is the second time I've had to cancel...

No, the third!

Word. What's the "word" I'm looking for?

I hate when that happens,

when words just fly out of your head.

It makes me insane when...

- Paper?

- Huh?

Robert, I know it's an inconvenience.

Uh, yes...

Let me just put it this way.

When we get the sixth star,

you are in for a big bonus,

and you can take them

someplace fabulous... eventually.

But if we don't get the sixth star,

well... time off just won't

be a problem, will it?

Any other problems?

- No.

- Good. Oh, one more thing.

Since this is such an important time

for the hotel, you should fire somebody.

Yes... Mrs. Dubrow...

I haven't asked you to fire anybody since...

Christmas.

Yes.

Well, there's a clumsy clerk

with a foreign-sounding name.

- "Consuelo".

- She'll do.

Come along, Victor, darling!

Really, Mrs. Dubrow, I'm not sure...

Robert, now just do it!

By the way,

there's a small boy under your desk.

That's not fair, Dad! You promised us.

Let me work on it, Kyle.

I need to see Consuelo.

Oh, all right. Send her in.

You can't fire Consuelo.

I have a system, Kyle.

Fortunately, Mrs. Dubrow never remembers

who it is she wants me to fire.

Yes, Mr. Grant?

Consuelo, Consuelo...

I'm giving you

a week's paid vacation, starting right now.

On one condition. You have to run

out of this office right now, crying.

OK.

"Bueno".

(sobs)

Zoom in on eight.

He's a big, scary guy

with a huge trunk and lots of stickers.

Right. Scary guy. Huge trunk. Got it.

Keep an eye out, OK?

You bet, kid.

This one really liked me.

What do you think?

Mm... They're OK.

- I have a bad feeling about this guy.

- Kyle, we're preoccupied here.

- I have a sense about these things, Murray.

- I know you do.

I just know he's up to no good.

So keep an eye out. He could be anywhere!

I've gotta go schmooze the guests.

Do what your brother says. Within reason.

The human body can only stand

so many centuries of inbreeding.

I beg your pardon. Are you the manager?

Yes, I am. Robert Grant.

Lord Rutledge. Tell me...

where do you keep the champagne?

Near the furnace?

Is there a problem, Lord Rutledge?

No. It's just that your room service

brought me a bottle of champagne

that I could have quite comfortably

bathed in - had there been any soap.

- Well, I'm terribly sorry.

- Yes. You should be.

- Good evening, Mrs. Dellacroce.

- Good evening.

- Thank you.

- Have a nice evening, ma'am.

(cavalry bugle)

(singing)

"I still say you're making a mistake".

"Doctor, I'd like to kiss you goodbye".

"All right".

"But"... "you're so damned ugly!"

(beeping)

So, Brian, what are we gonna do tonight?

Whoa, what is this "we" stuff?

Remember, Mr. Spaldingin 612

needs his dog walked.

Don't forget to thank him

if he gives you a tip.

His name is Neil. After Neil Armstrong,

the first man on the moon.

I love the astronauts, don't you?

Yeah, sure.

I want you to be very, very careful

with him.

'Cause he's my pride and joy, joy, joy!

Back in ten.

(phone rings)

"Dunston, it's Daddy".

Is everything going according to plan?

- "(blows raspberry)"

- "Don't forget, jewels, not junk!"

- "(more raspberries)"

- "Just listen to me for two minutes"...

(kissing sounds)

"(Kyle)" Come on, Neil. Let's go.

Come on. Come on!

Let's go, Neil. Come and get me.

Come on, faster! Come on. Once around.

Come on, Neil! Run.

One, two, three four, one, two, three, four.

Come on! Left, right, left, right.

Left paw, right paw. Left paw, right paw.

One more lap.

(barks)

What's the matter?

(growls)

What do you smell, boy?

Whoa!

Neil!

(long whine)

(small thud)

Neil!

Neil?

Neil!

(weak bark)

Arh!

My God!

- What happened?!

- Well, uh...

Neil!

And what are you waiting for?

Uh...

A tip?

Kyle, I know you're upset about

the vacation,

but that is really no excuse

to throw a guest's dog into the garbage!

I didn't throw him in the garbage.

Then what happened? No, don't tell me.

Let me guess. You gave him

a coffee-ground bath to improve his coat.

He jumped off the dog walk!

The dog is suicidal?

Is that what you're trying to say?

He smelled the monster on the ledge

and jumped.

Oh, he smelled the monster on the ledge.

It makes perfect sense now.

He smelled the monster on the ledge!

It was the smelly ledge monster!

Way to blow the tip, psycho.

Aargh!

Now listen, because I'm about to pass

sentence. You are both grounded!

- We're already grounded.

- You're double grounded!

And, Brian, no poker,

no videos, and no using the security room

for your own voyeuristic pleasures.

And, Kyle, no...

- "(phone rings)"

- No...

I'll get back to you on the

punishment thing.

"Mr. Grant, sorry to disturb you".

"There's been a robbery".

All right. I'll be right down.

What about his punishment?

Think of something you really like.

- You got it?

- Yeah.

No that!

Good evening, Lord Rutledge.

How was the play?

Delightful.

Haven't slept that well in months.

Now, show Daddy what you've got, hm?

(titters)

I am not amused.

I'm in no mood for this, Dunston.

Don't do this, Dunston.

You remember what happened

to your brother...

don't you?

Samson liked to play games, didn't he?

Hm?

And we all remember

what happened to Samson,

hm?

That? Do you want to tell me what is that,

for heaven's sake!

Oh, you blithering idiot!

Arh!

Dunston, you're behaving like a wild animal!

Dunston!

Dunston, come back here!

This job is not over.

The party is only just beginning!

Dunston, Daddy's sorry.

(titters)

Dunston, I've got some lovely bananas here.

(titters)

Don't wave your hairy bottom at me!

Dunston, remember, we're partners!

Fifty-fifty, straight down the line.

Come on, come back here!

Dunston!

Dunston!

Leave it on, please.

Good night, buddy.

Good night, Mom.

You still say good night to Mom?

Yeah.

That's not stupid or anything, is it?

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