Earth Girls Are Easy

1

On the edge of outer space

space, space, space

she's the one

with a serious face

face, face, face face, face

when I dropped in,

checked it out

alien girls were all about

eons since I had a date

another light-Year's

too long to wait

earth girls are easy

earth girls, so easy

earth girls

hey, those girls

are loads of fun

fun, fun, fun, fun

even hotter than the sun

sun, sun, sun

you know that I've had

lots of girls

most of them

from other worlds

while trippin' through

the galaxy

the valley girls

are the ones for me

earth girls are easy

earth girls, so easy

earth girls

earth girls

girls

you know that I've had

lots of girls

most of them

from other worlds

eons since I had a date

another light-Year's

too long to wait

earth girls are easy

earth girls, so easy

earth girls

earth girls are easy

earth girls, so easy

earth girls

earth girls

so easy

so easy, so easy

earth girls

Valerie.

I'm home.

You're not supposed to

see me in this

Before the wedding.

It's bad luck.

Don't worry about it.

I mean, sweetheart,

It's just some stupid

superstition anyway.

Yeah, you're right.

We met on Friday the 13th

And look how happy we are.

Ted, what happened?

You said 11:
00.

Sorry, val. It was

blood and guts night

At the old emergency room.

Again?

I wish you'd called me.

I would have but, you know,

Five minutes

on the phone could, uh,

Cost a life.

Oh.

I'm ready, teddy.

Oh, what a day.

Oh, boy.

I was fluffing it for you.

Could you get

the light, please?

Teddy...

look what I found.

Sweetheart, I'm sorry.

I have to take out

a gall bladder

First thing in the morning.

Tomorrow night.

I promise.

I won't be here.

I'll be at the nail expo.

The cuticle convention,

remember?

I'll be gone till Monday.

Well, Monday, then.

I promise.

I was reading an ad

for these pyramids

You put over the bed.

They're supposed to

increase sexual energy.

Valerie, please.

Good night, sweetheart.

'Night.

K- Earth 101

southland weather...

Another gorgeous day

in I.A.

Sunny and warm.

86 degrees in Malibu.

94 in the valley.

88 in Hollywood.

That's k-Earth 101 news.

I'm Claudia Marshall.

It's the summer of love,

love, love

I'm in love

with love, love, love

for everyone transcends who

I'm thinking of you

boy

love energy

is giving us a shove

making this

the summer of love

Hi, miss Lana.

I'm so sorry.

I missed our appointment.

You look so great.

That's a great outfit.

Thanks, dear.

That door is a real b*tch.

Hi, val.

Good morning.

It's a really

good color for me.

Wow.

You need a fill.

Uh, morning, all.

Good morning.

You better have a note

from your mother, young lady.

He's showing off

his body...

I don't know.

I'm just not that

turned on by her lately.

I hear

oysters are good for potency.

I tried that,

But they kept slipping off.

If I was any more potent,

I'd kill somebody.

Whoa!

Oh, right!

I gave this cute little nurse

A ride home the other night.

And?

And?

And nothing.

I'm getting married next month.

And why are you so tardy?

I was up real late

last night with ted.

Dr. Dolittle

finally came through, huh?

No. He was

dead on arrival.

Again? Sanka?

Sure.

At the rate we've

been having sex,

We might as well

be married already.

It's been, like, a week?

Two weeks.

Valerie, Teds obviously

a victim of pms.

What?

Premarital stress.

Oh.

What'll snap him out of it?

A new woman.

Thanks.

Wait. That's it!

We'll make you a new woman.

This is great.

Watch this.

Let's see how you look

on the makeover machine.

Oh, housewife from hell.

Matron on drugs.

Look at that.

That's it.

We'll make you blonde

With blue eyes.

Maybe

when I get back from the expo...

Skip the expo.

Stay home and ambush ted.

What if he doesn't like it?

At this point,

what have you got to lose?

Come on. We're

doing a makeover.

Ooh! Ooh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on!

A perm.

A butch.

A facial.

A body wrap.

Gravel scrub.

A gravel scrub.

Bikini wax.

We'll do it all.

All right!

Its time to face the music,

it's time to make you see

the root of all your problems

is that you don't look like me

now this is gonna hurt you,

but I just got to say

your love life's going nowhere

'cause you look like Doris day

who's the one

they can't resist?

The brand new girl

who's on

the most wanted list?

The brand new girl

honey, if you vixenize

guaranteed he'll get a rise

believe me, you can be

a brand new

brand new

brand new

brand new girl

Ow!

Rrrroww!

Aah!

You're cute

and fresh and wholesome

but science has a cure

the natural look is nowhere

your hairdresser

knows for sure

you got to learn

the art of teasing

change your repertoire

all you need's

a little faith

and a see-Through

pushup bra

if you want to be

a femme fatale

you can't rest

on your LOreals

you know, I think

she might be right

grab the bleach,

she's seen the light

Ow!

Ow!

Maybelline

Ooh.

Revlon

Aah.

Rubbermaid

talk to me, max factor

who's the one

they can't resist?

The brand new girl

who's on

the most wanted list?

The brand new girl

honey, if you vixenize

guaranteed he'll get a rise

believe me, you can be

a brand new

brand new

brand

new

girl

Hello, dr. Gallagher.

Surprised?

Yes, it's me.

Oh! Tsk. Tsk.

Dr. Gallagher.

Why are you

looking at me like that?

You want to do what?

Oh, no, no.

I couldn't.

No.

No, please. Stop.

No, no.

Well...

all right.

Ok.

Let's see.

Now, champagne, flowers,

Sushi, feathers,

Um, sensual oil,

Right,

And incense or...

let's see.

"Sprinkle a light bulb

with your favorite perfume

To sensualize the atmosphere

of your love trap."

Oh, no!

Oh, god. He's here.

Well, this is where we live.

We?

Yeah. Uh, you know,

Me and, uh, the cat bambi.

Just make yourself at home,

All right?

"How to drive a man crazy."

Aah!

Eat me, I'm a cookie!

I'm sorry.

I'm so embarrassed.

I didn't know ted had company.

I'm Valerie.

I don't usually

dress like this.

Here comes dr. Love.

All right, robin, a pileup.

Who's your friend?

Sh*t! Val.

Ted, what are you doing?

Uh, gee, nothing.

Wh-What is

going on here?

You brought her home

to have sex?

You weren't

supposed to be here.

You were going to

have sex without me?

Of course not.

I don't know

what you two had in mind,

But I'm not into kinky scenes.

Bye.

You look incredible.

Honey, she doesn't

mean a thing to me.

If meaningless sex

is what you want,

Why can't you have it with me!

I made a stupid mistake.

I wanted a last fling,

that's all.

You can't expect me

to be more evolved.

Evolved? I'll show

you evolved.

Wait a minute.

No. Now, don't do that.

That's very dangerous.

Cut it... Val, stop it!

Cut it out!

Val, come on!

The neighbors are watching!

Val, open up.

Sweetheart, open the door!

You're wanted

in emergency, dr. Love.

You can't do this to me!

I'm a doctor!

Here! Take these

with you, dr. Love.

And don't come back!

Ted!

Ted!

Ted, where are you going?

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