Earth Girls Are Easy Page #2

Go to bed, Mrs. Merkin!

Mrs. Merkin! Mrs. Merkin!

You're a liar,

and it took me forever

to figure that out

you could switch on a smile

pretend to be tender

but I know now

what you're all about

what a nightmare

my friends thought

you were a dream

you could switch on a smile

and seem so sincere

but you don't even know

what that means

I don't think

you'll ever understand

ooh, did cheating on me

make you feel like a man?

I used to worship

the ground you walk on

I did anything

you wanted me to

I used to worship

the ground you walk on

now I've lost my faith

in you

aah

Sunday mornings I'd wake up

lie in bed

watching you sleep

it was almost religious

how I believed in you

it hurt when you

destroyed my belief

I don't think

you'll ever understand

ooh, did cheatin' on me

make you feel like a man?

I used to worship

the ground you walk on

I did anything

you wanted me to

I used to worship

the ground you walk on

now I've lost my faith

in you

oh, I've lost

my faith in you

I used to worship

the ground you walk on

didn't think

I'd get by without you

now I don't worship

the ground you walk on

and I'm stronger

than I knew

I'm stronger than you knew

Come here, you.

No, doctor.

What about your wife?

She's in a coma.

You're not.

No. Oh.

Mmm. Oh.

John?

Uh! Oh.

You weasel dick!

Hello.

Oh, candy,

The worst thing

in the world happened.

No, bambi's fine.

It's ted.

Yeah. The blonde thing

did not work.

It's the show that shows

the ins and outs

Of the southern California

fitness craze.

Let's face it.

Inner beauty is for losers.

Ooh.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Uh!

Whoa!

Mac!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Aah!

Oh, great.

Oh, this is too good.

There's a giant blow dryer

in my pool.

Oh, sh*t!

Ted, you're not going to

control my mind

When you're not here.

Ok, just release

all of this negative energy

Out into the universe.

You're just going to

swim right through it.

Oh, teddy bear,

You're back.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

What is this?

What's going on?

This isn't

what it looks like, is it?

Is it? Zis zit?

Oh, my god, it is.

It's a spaceship.

Oh, like things

weren't bad enough,

Now I've been abducted

by a ufo.

You're just going to

do some experiments on me

And let me go like

in the national enquirer.

Right?

Right?

Right? Right?

Ok. Ok.

Just don't take out

anything I'll need later.

Get it over with.

I don't why

you abducted me anyway.

I'm sure you're looking for

somebody more important

Like Nancy Reagan.

I'll tell you where to find her

Because I'm just a manicurist.

I don't know about anything

except nails.

You know, nails.

Nails.

Nails. Nails.

Really. I could

keep my mouth shut.

You could tell me anything.

I'd never tell.

Ask my cousin.

She got her b*obs done,

and I never told anyone.

Except I just told you.

Oh, my god.

You're aliens.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Zeebo.

Is that your name...

Zeebo?

Wiploc.

Wiploc. Hi.

Makelsolakveder.

Maybe I'll just

call you Mac. How's that?

Oh, and I'm Valerie.

Valerie.

Walerie. Volare.

You guys aren't

going to hurt me, are you?

Your planet is weird.

We're still in my pool.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh!

Listen, it was really nice

meeting you, fellas,

But I have to go.

Feel free to use the pool,

But you've caught me

at a bad time.

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Did I do that?

I flooded the ship.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so embarrassed.

I'm really sorry,

But I'm sure you can

fix it, right?

Don't freak out.

This is just like the time

I dropped my lady Schick

in the toilet.

After it dried out,

it worked fine.

Let's go in my house.

I'll make some lunch,

And I'll get the pool drained.

Then you guys can take off

back to your planet.

Blast off. Pow.

Bye-Bye. Bye-Bye.

comprende?

comprende?

Comprende.

Be careful. This ladder's

a little loose.

Oh, I'm glad

you can breathe ok.

The air quality

is actually very good today.

Careful.

It's kind of wet.

Ok?

Well, uh, come on.

Let's go in the house.

This way.

Those are lemons.

You know,

lemonade, lemon pledge.

Oh. It's ok.

It's a sprinkler.

Earth people are going to

freak out if they see you.

No offense,

But you do look like

wookies or werewolves.

People will want to shoot you,

So just be cool, ok?

Let's go inside.

Come on. Come on.

What's going on

in my horoscope today?

Well, this is my house.

Um... sorry about

the mess.

Make yourselves at home.

Hi. This is

Valerie gale.

Could you send woody

to drain my pool?

Yeah. Right away.

It's an emergency. I...

Wow!

I've never see her

do that before!

What is that,

some kind of love touch?

Oh! Hi. Yeah.

Listen. This is a matter

of life and death.

I lost my contact lens

in the pool...

No. Send woody.

He found it last time.

Hey!

Those are Teds fish!

Thanks.

No. No. No. No.

Not food!

Let's see.

Oh, not much here,

But I didn't expect

I'd have aliens for lunch.

Oh, look.

Low-Cal pop tarts.

These are natural.

Great.

Ok.

We have an entree.

What else?

Uh... instant pudding!

Add water, hmm...

too much work.

Oh, spray-On cheese!

This is great.

You have eggs on your planet?

I could cook those for you.

Uh...

This is wonderful.

Oh, wiploc!

No! No! Not there!

No. Come with me.

Ok. So you go

in there...

No! No!

Come here. No.

You... go in there...

go in there...

yeah...

and then you flush.

Oh, my god!

Woody's here!

Whatever you do,

just stay inside.

Aah!

You are Americans.

You're the product

of the freest...

You're tearing me apart!

You say one thing,

he says another...

A new car!

A new car! Aah!

Take a mind excursion

it's just...

Hey! How's it going?

Hey, woody.

What's that?

Some kind of giant

boogie board?

No. It's my new

pool patio. Bitchin', huh?

Pretty rad.

Whoa!

Shoot the curl, kitty!

Those little guys

love the water.

Listen, Valerie, how come

You want your pool drained?

How come?

I don't know.

You know, the water

just seems really stale.

We've seen a lot of that.

How long will this take?

Uh... about... a day.

Whoa! Check out

the sets.

If I was six inches tall,

I'd be out there now.

They were pumping

like that this morning...

I don't believe this.

No, for real.

I was getting barreled

in this totally cool tube.

I had just sex-Waxed

my board.

Someone shoots his board,

hits me in the head.

This is the worst.

Would have been

the ride of the decade.

What am I supposed to

do until tomorrow?

Waste your brain,

wax your board,

Pray for waves.

Try this.

What'll it be? Hmm

what'll it be?

Hmm

Make me an Alaskan

polar bear heater

On the double.

We'll make

our own music, gorgeous.

You and you stay.

Tubby, rest your thumbs.

I'll drive.

Now watch, baby.

Every move a picture.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Leave a message

when you hear the beep.

Valerie?

Are you there?

Please pick up.

I need to talk to you.

Sorry I was such an a**hole.

Val, you've got to

believe this.

I've never ever

been unfaithful to you. Ever.

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