Earth Girls Are Easy Page #3

I'm only guilty

Of a little kissy-Face

with one nurse.

You stopped me

From making a big mistake

last night.

Val, I'm so sorry.

Please forgive me.

I'll see you

when I get home. Bye.

Come back to Finland.

Come back to winter

all year round.

Come back

to parkas and goat's cheese.

Finland knows what you want.

Yodel-Aydi, yodel-Aydi,

yodel-Ay-Hee-Hoo!

Yodel-Aydi, yodel-Aydi,

yodel-Aydi, yodel-Aydi,

Hee-Hoo!

Television!

Ok. Well,

we're all set.

Finland is here?

Finland? No.

This is the valley.

Finland is the capital

of Norway.

You learn fast.

Sorry I was such an a**hole.

Oh! I see you found

a cable station.

Valerie?

Are you there?

Please pick up.

Did ted call?

I'll be over

right after work tonight.

Ok, honey? Bye.

Oh, my god!

Ted is, like, a trained doctor.

One look at you guys

And he'll know

you're not local.

If I only had

a zillion gallons of Nair.

Nair. Nair.

Nair.

Im a sex pixy

is that ok?

Do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

hey, hey, do do do do

do do do do

da-Do, oh, oh

Candy, whatever you do,

don't freak out.

Valerie!

Promise me

you will not freak out.

Stop! You are

freaking me out!

Um... a ufo landed

in my pool,

And they captured me,

But we made friends,

and I fed them pop tarts.

You've got to cut their hair.

What did you say?

Oh, nothing.

I'm on drugs.

Candy, help them.

Would you listen to yourself?

Valerie, no man is worth

Getting yourself

in this state over.

Mel Gibson, maybe, but not ted!

Valerie, come here.

Just sit down, honey.

Relax.

Have a mental margarita.

Now I'm going to

show you something

That's going to

change your life.

In that case,

let me get a cigarette.

You got little

alien house guests...

let's see them.

Sh*t, Valerie!

Those are aliens!

I told you.

Oh, god! Oh, sh*t!

Valerie! Valerie!

Those are...

Those are big...

aliens!

What do they want from us?

What do you want from us?

Did they take control

of your brain?

Oh... i don't

think so.

Can they talk?

What'll it be?

Hmm

I ate all the frusen gladje.

Panty shields

make me feel fresh.

Are they straight?

I don't know.

They're aliens!

This is Mac,

And this is,

uh... zeebo,

And this is wiploc.

Well, they're just darling.

Get them out of here.

They can't leave

until the pool is drained.

If ted finds out

they're aliens,

He'll want to dissect them.

We could make them

look more... human.

I thought you never

wanted to see ted again.

I don't. I just want

to talk to him.

Valerie, this is insane.

They're, like,

throwing up on my stuff!

Come on, candy.

Well, I see split ends

are universal.

Lost in space

with no conditioner, huh?

I think they've

been up there a long time.

Well, it's all dead.

It's got to come off.

Can you do it?

Does Tina turner wear a wig?

That's a wig?

That's a wig.

Great!

I'll get clothes!

If I find one flea,

the deal's off!

Ok, Val, are you ready?

I think they're almost done.

I gave the red one

the blond-Surfer look.

Wow!

Which one is that?

Wiploc.

We are human now!

I don't believe it!

He's even cute!

I know!

Bitchin', huh?

Val, you won't believe this.

Ok...

surprise!

Is that zeebo?

Oh, my god! You're, like, totally black!

Ok...

and... behind

door number three...

this is...

the ultimate!

Wow!

You're incredible.

Well, it was easy.

I started on poodles.

Good?

Real good.

Ok. Ok.

Group picture. Come on.

Come on.

Get down there.

All right...

now say, Velveeta slices.

Sl... Vegakld.

Vel... Salksi.

Ok, you guys,

what's the plan for tonight?

Whoa! Candy,

reality check.

We can't go out.

They're aliens!

So? They can still

be dates!

Do you guys have margaritas

on your planet?

It's not safe.

I'll take you home.

Don't get your panties

in a bunch.

We're with major cute guys.

It's Saturday night!

Come on!

You guys are so lucky

you crashed in the valley.

It's the baddest place

on earth.

Candy, sit down!

Hi, sweets.

I think we'd like to keep

a low profile, candy.

Guys, what you doing later?

I never would have believed

that this could happen.

That you'd be cruising

with shaved Martians?

No. That ted would

do this to me.

Give men enough rope,

they'll dig their own grave.

So true.

He said he wanted

one last fling.

Maybe that's normal,

I don't know.

I'm sure

we'll be happy once we're married,

But I can't pretend

this didn't happen.

Valerie, you work hard

to make ted happy.

Who is making you happy?

Woo!

Woo!

Finland babes!

Yodel-Aydi, yodel-Aydi,

yodel-Ay-Hee-Hoo!

Didn't you go to van Nuys high?

Van Nuys high?

Aren't you

terry Harpers brother?

Terry Harpers brother?

Ha ha ha!

Someone should

hose those girls down!

Want to party?

Come on!

Wiploc!

Look! There they are!

Ok. Don't worry.

I'll go get him.

Me, too.

Me, too, too.

Wait...

It'll only take a minute.

Come on, you guys,

what are you doing?

When I need something

to help me unwind

I find a six-Foot baby

with a one-Track mind

smart guys are nowhere,

they make demands

give me a moron

with talented hands...

Where did you buy those?

They're my dad's.

Those are fabulous.

I know.

... in love

till we're done

then they're

out in the hall

I like 'em big and

stupid

I like 'em big and

real dumb

I like 'em big and

stupid

what kind of guy

does a lot for me?

Superman with a lobotomy

my father's out of Harvard

my brother's out of Yale

but the guy

I took home last night

just got

out of jail...

Valerie! Hi!

Over here!

Candy!

Hi!

Are you nuts?

What are you doing?

Having cocktails.

Alaskan polar bear heater.

Ted is coming home tonight,

And there's a ufo

in my pool. A ufo!

Bfd. Ted won't be there

for a few hours.

Just chill out.

Let's get these guys out

Before anyone realizes

they're aliens.

No one's going to know

they're aliens, ok?

Tanya!

Hi. You know Val,

And this is Mac,

wiploc, and zeebo.

They're from mars

or something! Could you die?

Hey, zeebo, want to dance?

Want to dance?

Great idea.

Wiploc.

Should I dance?

Sure.

Fine. Hey,

party down.

When you're ready

for your chauffeur,

I'll be out on the patio.

What's her problem?

Two weeks?

Whoa!

... 'cause

it was so stupid

the bigger they come,

the harder I fall

in love till we're done

then they're

out in the hall...

Come on.

Let's dance.

Woo!

I like 'em big and

real dumb

I like 'em big and...

He left?

She likes 'em big and

stupid

You, go rest

your thumbs. I'll drive.

You could actually play that?

Valerie, are we limp

and hard to manage?

Oh, no, no.

You're fine.

I'm sorry.

I just don't feel

like talking much.

I figured that

everything would just fall into place

If I found

Mr. Right.

Mr. Right?

Mr. Right is

like the guy you dream of meeting

Ever since you're

a little girl.

You'd go anyplace

or do anything

To be together.

He feels the same way

Because you're right

for each other.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm kidding myself.

Maybe there's no such thing.

Baby gonna shake all night

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