Easy Six Page #4

I... I ate before I came over.

I should go.

Frank?

Frank?

Frank?

You stink!

You miserable piece of sh*t!

What's going on?

You're drinking.

- I'm sorry, Frank.

- You're sorry?

You say you're sorry.

And you've ruined

my daughter's f***ing life.

I haven't ruined her life.

You've ruined your life.

I'll come back and we'll talk about

this when you've come down.

You don't get it, do you?

You're finished.

It's over.

I'm going to see you fry.

You turned my daughter

into a whore!

That's ridiculous!

You're going to stand there

and deny that to my face?

I think something's burning.

You pretended to be my friend.

- You made a monkey out of me.

- I'm leaving!

Sally is not going to see you

anymore. She's grounded.

Grounded?

Frank, she's not a child!

You're challenging me?

You forced sex on my daughter?

Don't you challenge me!

Trust me, Frank.

Have dessert and you'll feel better.

You know what they call it when a

man forces himself on a young girl?

- Just punch me.

- Do you know what they call it?

- I didn't force anything on Sally.

- Rape, that's what they call it.

They call it...

They call it rape.

Get it out of your system.

Punch me, kick me or something.

I don't even need to punch you.

I've already passed the pictures

to Janet Vanderpour...

and I told her about the felon

working in her English department.

And I called the police,

and my attorney.

And there's going

to be a full investigation...

of all the times you told obscene

jokes in front of your class...

and of all the times

you forced sex on your students.

- Frank, that's outrageous!

- You're f***ed!

You're finished.

I came here to apologize to you,

to explain what happened in Vegas.

This... This is crazy!

I'm leaving.

Merry Christmas.

Now, get off my property!

I thought I was going

to control myself.

Iverson, you've got to learn

to control yourself!

- Eat this, a**hole!

- Nut job!

Aren't you interested in hearing

my side of the story?

Of course, Packard. But we were able

to come to a decision without you.

We're going to need you

to sign a few papers.

I don't care.

I don't give a single sh*t.

You can't suspend me

or fine me because...

You quit?

I feel sorry for you, Janet,

because you spend all day...

in your ivory tower looking out

over your kingdom...

in your throne, your cast chair

that's been farted in by...

two generations

of vain frustrated administrators.

And your kingdom is a third. rate

provincial college...

that has whored itself out to the

whims of its ignorant students.

Oh, really, Packard?

Don't say things now

that you will regret later.

Sam, I'm not talking to you.

So kindly shut the f*** up.

Janet, the truth is you've

grown old and sold out.

You live and breathe

fraud and hypocrisy.

You and your kind...

cheated the students off their

one opportunity of learning...

by giving them diplomas

I wouldn't wipe my ass with.

I understand

you're upset, Packard...

but it doesn't excuse that kind

of talk. It's unprofessional.

It's unprofessional?

I'll show you unprofessional!

Janet, in the vernacular, eat me!

Hello, sir.

How are you tonight?

Very well, thank you.

I pulled you over because your car

is pretty badly damaged.

I just wanted to make sure

there wasn't any problem.

Well, sir, that was very considerate

of you. There's no problem.

Would you do me a favor, sir?

Come and talk to me

by the patrol car.

- 72, 64, 56, 48...

- Now, by sevens.

- From where?

- From where you are.

41, 35, 28...

- 21...

- Okay, that's enough.

Approach the car.

Hands in front, please.

Here's the story. You didn't

do well enough to let you go.

I'll have to take you down

for a blood test.

But, officer, I've had one beer.

I'm not drunk.

The rule is if it's detectable,

it's bookable. Zero tolerance.

- I hope you're pleased...

- It's not that bad.

It's not a felony.

This is your first offense, right?

There isn't any offense. You

haven't convicted me of anything.

Look, Mr. Schmidt, it's no big deal.

Most jobs won't fire you for D.U.I.

The jail part you can do

on weekends. That's easy.

And you can get your license back in

a year if you go to AA once a week.

- I'm not an alcoholic.

- It doesn't matter.

It's very important you tell them

you're an alcoholic.

They'll go easier on you.

They just hate people who

won't admit they're alcoholics.

Sally...

- Hi.

- Hi.

How did Frank get those photos?

Well, I... I brought

them back to give to him.

That was the whole point...

but then I felt bad because

I didn't want to hurt you, so...

I threw them away,

but he found them anyway.

Don't you believe me?

I don't understand.

What did Frank do to you?

I'm so miserable.

I just wish I were dead.

No, don't say that, Sally.

You weren't doing

anything stupid, were you?

It wouldn't be the first time.

I love you.

I just wish I was at work

for Christmas, I mean...

At least there you get paid

when you get f***ed.

- No swearing on the phone.

- Who was that?

I'm in jail.

Why?

D.U.I.

You really do have sh*t for luck.

I have to see you, Sally.

I don't think that's a good idea.

I have to see you.

I get out today.

I can't.

Sorry.

You've reached

the Iverson residence.

Leave us a message.

I'm going to go get some

take out from Wallace...

and when I get back

I expect this tree...

to be dressed and beautiful.

It's not even Christmas anymore.

What do you think I am?

A turd...

a piece of sh*t that you can...

scrape from your shoe

and forget about.

Don't you think I know

what you've been up to...

the games you've been playing,

toying with me?

Well, that's going to stop now.

You're mine,

and you're going to stay mine...

until I decide otherwise.

You challenge me...

I'll win.

I always do.

And don't try to run away...

'cause I'll run after you

and bring you back.

There's your tree.

Here's your tree.

Enjoy yourself.

Sally?

Be quiet! Be quiet!

Be quiet!

That's R.I.M.B.A.U.D?

No.

R.A.M...

B.O.

Yeah, that will do it.

- A little nervous?

- Yeah.

Well, get your hat. Let's get ready.

You should be nervous, you know.

It's a big commitment, marriage.

I was married 3 times.

I don't put the glue on anymore.

It smells, and girls don't like it.

Okay?

This way.

You stand right over there.

You look good.

Thanks.

Okay, let's see here.

Do you...

What happened?

Must've blown a fuse.

Can you fix it?

Got a flashlight.

That's atmospheric.

Do you, Packard Schmidt...

take this woman to be

your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Do you...

Sally Iverson, take this man to be

your lawfully wedded husband?

Yes.

Okay.

Bring the rings, please.

There they are.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

Oh, no, not on the lips.

Beautiful!

Ever tried to get work

as a Tom Jones impersonator?

Impossible.

This town,

this country is all about Elvis.

Elvis, Elvis, Elvis.

Makes me sick.

He was a weak man.

Fat weak coward.

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