Easy to Wed

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- Come on.

- Let's go.

Come on, get on there. Come on, boys.

- Hey, Joe. How about it?

- Can't tell yet.

Three of the trucks are out.

Get in and pitch.

If we don't get every copy off the stands

this paper's in bad shape.

- Did we get them all?

- Quiet. Well?

We got them all back but 40.

- All but 40? That's not so good.

- It's the best we could do, Mr. Farwood.

Let's all bow our heads and pray

that none of the 40 finds its way...

...into the hands of J.B. Allenbury.

It isn't likely, sir,

if he's vacationing in Mexico.

- Yes, what is it?

- J.B. Allenbury, Mexico City, calling.

Gentlemen, you may stop praying.

It's too late.

Hello?

I have before me a most interesting

telegram from my New York attorneys.

I am informed that the early edition

of your yellow paper...

...carried a picture of my daughter...

... under which appeared

the following caption. I quote:

"Constance Allenbury,

socialite daughter of financial tycoon...

...J.B. Allenbury,

named husband-stealer by irate senora...

...in hair-pulling match

at Mexican garden party," unquote.

Father?

It may interest you to know...

...that not only was my daughter

not present at the alleged function...

...but she hasn't even made the

acquaintance of the husband in question.

A regrettable mistake, Mr. Allenbury,

most regrettable.

Yes, yes, yes.

Your solicitude is very touching,

Mr. Farwood, but a bit late.

I have already instructed my attorneys

to file suit for libel.

You should receive

your papers tomorrow.

Father, you might mention the amount

we're suing for. That should interest him.

Oh, incidentally, Mr. Farwood,

we are suing for 1 mill...

We are suing for $2 million.

Two million dollars. Haggerty.

I want Haggerty. Get me Haggerty.

- Mr. Farwood, he's being married today...

- I don't care if he's being buried. Get him.

- Hey, boss, shall I answer the phone?

- No, no, let it ring.

I've had enough gags

pulled on me today.

Maybe it's Gladdy. She said if you didn't

show, she's gonna tear the church down.

What? And ruin those nice,

three-inch fingernails?

Oh, no.

No, it's no use, Spike.

I've been baited, hooked.

Today, I'm being reeled in.

If you feel that way about it,

why are you going through with it?

Have you ever said to a redhead,

"So long, it's been nice knowing you"?

So long?

I've never even said hello.

Well, you keep it that way.

- Hey.

- That's yours.

- Did you pack my vitamins?

- Redheads.

Hey, that might be the porter. Answer it.

Haggerty. Haggerty. Haggerty.

The office wants you right away.

- Oh, no.

- Yeah, the story they had to kill.

She wasn't even at the party.

It's a shame to bust up your wedding,

but the boss wants you.

Well, come on.

- Well, what will I tell Gladdy?

- You're best man, you figure it out.

If I'm the best man,

why is she marrying him?

- Mary, where's the old man?

- In an oxygen tent.

Where have you been?

- Who said you could get married?

- You did.

Can't I stay away from here one day

without the whole place falling apart?

This is terrible, Haggerty. Terrible.

Allenbury hates us.

He'd give his last year's income taxes

just to blow us up.

And we supply him with the dynamite.

- What's she suing for?

- Two million dollars.

She's nuts. Two million dollars?

Why, a dame's whole anatomy

is only worth 98 cents boiled down.

But it isn't the money they want.

It's me, the paper.

I kept Allenbury out of the Senate.

When they wanted to make him

ambassador, I fought it.

- It's their chance to strike back.

- Yeah.

- What do the lawyers say?

- Open-and-shut case.

Pure slander and libel. The paper will go.

Oh, no, not while I have anything to say.

We haven't begun to fight.

Why, we've been sued before, big suits.

But they were all after money.

They were glad to settle.

This Allenbury dame will be glad too,

when I get through with her.

What do you propose to do?

Well, she's a girl and, despite all reports,

probably human.

I'm gonna throw a man at her.

Men have been at

Connie Allenbury for years.

Yes, yes, at her feet, but I'm going

to throw this guy at her head.

- Are you suggesting a frame?

- I'm suggesting nothing.

But you've gotta get to this girl and I've

got the guy who specializes in dames:

- Bill Chandler.

- Bill Chandler, yes.

- And you fired him.

- Yes, and I'd do it again.

Spending half his time

with chorus girls...

...the other half

trying to get away from them.

A vaudeville actor turned newspaperman

trying to run this paper.

- Thought he knew more.

- He was right.

But he's still the only man I know

that women can't resist.

All right, then, get him. Get him.

Get Personnel.

I want the last address on Bill Chandler.

Yes, sir.

- Have a cigar.

- No, no, thanks.

Oh, now, will you relax?

I'll have Bill Chandler on the job in an hour.

- Yeah?

- Bill Chandler is with the Courier in Denver.

Good.

Get me Harry Wilson

and the Courier in Denver.

- What's Chandler doing in Denver?

- Same thing he always does...

...but in a higher altitude.

You coward.

- What are you doing?

- What are you doing?

- Now...

- What is this?

I won't stand for this.

You can't do this to me.

- But there has been a terrible mistake.

- There certainly has been a mistake.

- lf you think...

- Hello? Harry. Warren Haggerty.

Is that no-good Bill Chandler

still working for you?

- Mother warned me about men like you.

- What?

- Quiet.

- Oh, shut... You keep quiet.

Okay, thanks.

Chandler left months ago for San Francisco

and the boss's daughter followed him.

The old lady's right,

I'm not good enough for a girl like you.

- Leave my...

- Get me the Sentinel in San Francisco.

- Maybe we'd better call the whole thing off.

- No, you don't. Get your hat.

What is this? A newspaper

or a matrimonial agency?

- Why don't you...?

- I cannot leave now.

- The boss is waiting.

- The preacher's waiting too.

What do you wanna do?

Put him on a retainer fee?

- First, a hurricane. Next, a kidnapping...

- My dear young lady...

...the paper is faced with a libel suit.

- He's faced with breach of promise.

- Breach of promise has been outlawed.

Listen to me, Warren Haggerty,

if you think that...

Hello? Oh, Sentinel? This is Warren

Haggerty, New York Morning Star.

You got a guy on your payroll

named Bill Chandler?

He left two months ago?

Well, where'd he say he was going?

Atlanta.

Get me the Express in Atlanta.

- What's he doing in Atlanta?

- Oh, probably six months.

I'm not going to stand for this.

Get this woman out of here.

- Don't you dare call me a woman.

- Easy, easy, easy.

That's Mr. Farwood, owner of the paper.

I don't care. Nobody's gonna talk

to me like a detective.

- How do you know how a detective talks?

- I heard one on We, the People.

- Joe Simpson never treated me like this.

- Why did you divorce him?

- I've asked myself many times.

- Hello? Express.

- I wanna talk to Bill Chandler.

- Stop!

Go on home. Be a good girl.

Are you gonna let them

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