Easy Virtue Page #3

Two hemispheres under one roof.

Papua New Guinea, India, the Argentine.

I may not have travelled,

but the world has come to me.

Are you coming down with something?

Pollen.

But if I hold my breath long enough...

How peculiar.

Which is why we should

get to know one another.

Where does one start?

- Shall I make headway?

I was born in Detroit.

My father worked in the steel plant.

He was one of the first

lured over to Henry Ford.

Ah, hence the love of motoring?

Yes, but I also love animals.

I am a city girl.

I take chickens to the vet.

Oh!

You can't be squeamish about livestock

now that you are living in the country.

Which was never my intention.

I was happily carving out a niche

for myself on the race circuit

when I was unexpectedly flagged down

by someone irresistible.

Remarrying was the farthest thing

from my mind.

I see...

May I ask?

Oh, dead, unfortunately. No children.

Oh...

How disappointing for you.

Still, he provided well, though?

Yes, but there were a lot of hidden costs

associated with his passing.

Oh, that beautiful motor car... Surely,

you must have independent means?

I'm more than happy

to discuss my means,

but I think you'll be a tad disappointed.

The car is my sole source of income.

Which makes living in London

an imperative.

But what will John do in the city?

Work. It's not uncommon.

Oh!

John was brought up in the country,

Larita.

Where will he work?

Chalk Farm, perhaps?

Or St-Martin-In-The-Fields?

I know this is not perfect so that's

why I'm asking for your guidance.

So, please, how can I make this

pleasant for everybody?

Well, erm... wartime experience dictates

that you keep your head down

and you fit in as well as you can.

Oh, there's a war on?

- Oh, no... not necessarily.

Australian mimosa. Mmm... beautiful.

Oh...

And then the British troops opened fire...

How grizzly!

How'd it go, Mother?

- Oh, marvellous!

Marvellous.

Thanks for the invitation!

Thanks for the invitation!

Oh, it's Lord Hurst!

I fear storm clouds are gathering,

Mrs Whit.

Stop being maudlin, Father.

It's the future!

- Spanner!

Father, allow me to introduce

Panda's new chauffeuse.

Lovely La-La-Larita.

- Watch it, Philip.

My son is prone to fabrication,

but I can see on this occasion

he has been perfectly frank,

Mrs Whittaker.

Yes, that's right.

There are two of us now.

No shortage of wits

around here any more.

OK, stand back! I give you, the future!

All right, John.

You can take my baby out for a spin.

Ha-ha! Allergies.

She inflates like a puffer fish.

You just want to squeeze her

until she pops.

#... working at the car wash

# You might not ever strike it rich

# But let me tell you,

it's better than digging a ditch

# Working at the car wash!

# Working at the car wash, man

# Come on, now, sing it to me

# It's better than digging a ditch... #

The missus is a bit trigger-happy

this week.

Bleeding tinnitus is killing me.

I like the new Mrs Whit. Reminds me

of the old one before the war.

Only more reasonable. You can tell

she's run her own household.

Oh, be silent!

Good morning,

Furber, Jackson, Millie, and?

Cook, I can't call you a verb.

Your name?

Beatrice.

All right, all right... it's Doris.

Sorry, Madam.

Always wanted to be called Beatrice.

Well, Beatrice, would you mind

if I helped myself in the mornings?

I fear I shall be rising later and later.

Well... if it pleases, Mrs Whit.

The point of the bell?

When I ring it, you come to me,

not the other way round!

Larita. May I have a word?

Come along!

Would you please refrain

from chatting to the staff?

It's chore enough trying to keep

this motley crew together.

I had a brilliant French maid in Paris.

Perhaps I should send for her?

Thank you, no... erm...

I'd prefer to keep English

the first language in this household.

Ah, there you are.

I say! Anyone for tennis?

Yes. You!

John, Shackleton wouldn't let

a dog out today!

The fog has lifted

and Whittakers don't do winter.

You go ahead, darling.

I'll play with myself.

No, really. I'm a lot of fun.

- Ooh...

John!

It's brass monkeys out here!

Day one of the Antarctic Open.

Mister Whittaker to serve.

Hole in one!

- Deuce.

I see your pair of deuces

and I raise you a tenner.

The Titanic could have hit that!

Sarah, you're an embarrassment to

the family name. I'll have you killed.

Good God! What's wrong with you?

No! Stop now!

Stop, everybody! Listen!

- Shoot the court jester!

Nice backhand!

- Is that a backhand compliment?

# Mad dogs and Englishmen

go out in the midday sun!

# The Japanese don't care to,

the Chinese wouldn't dare to

# Hindus and Argentines sleep firmly

from twelve to one

# But Englishmen detest a siesta... #

Laurel and Hardy step up

to the crease. The fillies are lining up.

Miss Hilda Whittaker looking most

fetching in her feed bag and bridle!

One woman's heaven...

Oh, she's absolutely beautiful.

Broken, tarnished

and completely useless.

Things guaranteed

to keep my wife at bay.

May I?

If you don't mind

getting your hands dirty.

In Detroit, what we lack in dirt,

we make up for in filth.

Your first husband

from that neck of the woods?

Oh... well, word gets about.

So where is he now?

- Dead.

Cancer.

He was a fair bit older than me.

I spent a while playing the unmerry

widow but the black wore thin.

You didn't care for him, I gather?

- I cared too much.

Life was just such an unpleasant

experience for the man, I...

I'd be a liar to say I wasn't glad

when he was relieved of it.

When were you last in France?

- Just after the war?

On a personal reconnaissance,

trying to ascertain what exactly

all those fine young men had died for.

Apparently, I'm of the romantic

Lost Generation.

What did you lose?

I'm not sure.

Oh, hello... hello.

Who was the tiny tank?

Who's a pretty, little, cheeky chorizo?

On bended knees,

please come and play with me.

Johnnie dear,

you know how much I love you,

so please try to take this

in the best possible light.

I'm getting a machine gun

and mowing down your entire family.

That's fairly disappointing. I thought

you and Father were getting along.

Yes, I might spare the men folk.

But it's awfully dispiriting.

We have absolutely no privacy here.

I never needed any privacy before.

This is my home.

It's not mine.

And I very much want one.

# We're all alone,

no chaperone can get our number

# The world's aslumber,

let's misbehave

Timing is everything, you little brute!

Umpire at least.

Philip is pining for you.

If I knew you played tennis, I never

would've signed the marriage certificate!

Ow!

Not a bad day for it.

Reading.

My fianc, Edgar,

was always hiding behind books.

Erm... you're needed on the tennis court.

John was just asking after you.

Would you like to see

a photo of him... my Edgar?

Poppy!

That's Enrico Caruso.

- Who's dead, I know that...

But if you ignore

the nose and the mouth...

...and the ears...

there's a striking resemblance.

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