Eat the Rich Page #2

"Nosher! Nosher!"

"Got some nice NATO

stuff this time."

"How's that?"

"Oh, very good."

"Yes."

"Yes, well done, Spider."

"Now then, what are

we going to do"

"about the Home Secretary?"

"Yeah."

"Who'd have thought the shriveled up

bastard would have got that lucky?"

"You realize that Cockney fascist could ruin

all our plans if he wins the election."

"Yeah."

"Are we gonna chop him, then?"

"Couldn't we put out

a rumor he's gay?"

"Do you speak English?"

"Yes, and I can tie

my own shoelaces too."

"Were you born in this

country?"

"Look, you're not writing

my life story, honey."

"Just give me a nice state

handout and I'll be on my way."

"- What's your address?

- Look, I've told you, I'm homeless."

"Well, then, we've nowhere

to send your gyro, have we?"

"Yeah, that's right. So why don't

you just give it to me right now?"

"Look, I haven't eaten

for two days."

"I could pass out

at any moment, right here."

"- Right now!"

"You pass out where you like. But

you're not getting any money"

"until I'm satisfied that you're not

an unnecessary burden on the state."

"Listen, you snotty b*tch! Your job

is to help the poor and needy!"

"- Not torment them!

- - You're so stupid."

"Just for that,

I'm gonna lose your file."

"Ooh!"

"Oh!"

"You've got

to help me."

"I'm a broken man. I know I'm a lazy

bastard and I've got no self respect."

"- But please give me my money!

- Uh-uh-uh!"

"You'll only gamble it,

won't you?"

"I'm gonna put the money in this

drawer until you kick the habit."

"Listen, honey, you better

give us that money,"

"- or you're in big trouble.

- Really?"

"And what sort of trouble

would that be then?"

"This."

"Oh, my God!"

"Somebody call the police!"

"Get the money!"

"I didn't wanna kill them!"

"They did it!

They made me do it!"

"I'm sorry,

but it's not our fault!"

"Quick, Ron, get that car

before I run out of bullets."

"You'd do the same

if you had had the guts!"

"We're just ordinary people

who've been pushed too far!"

"Get that car!"

"I'm a reporter!

What's your story?"

"Me and him took the law

into our own hands."

"My God, violence on the dole's

going to front cover!"

"- Who are you?

- We're the dispossessed."

"Quick pose. Nice one for the

kids, nice one with the gun."

"Thanks, super, lovely."

" Watch out, watch out "

" Just what you need, babe "

"Isn't it funny how a few seconds

with a gun can change our lives?"

"This is Paulo.

He's in chemicals."

"Have you met the

Bishop of Suffolk?"

"- Please.

- How do you do?"

"- Very nice to meet you.

- Prince Antony,"

"Miss Fifi Letour."

"Oh, my!

I'm glad you're here."

"Is the Prime Minister with

you?"

"No, he's in

Sheffield."

"- What a shame.

- - Mr. and Mrs..."

"Lady Caroline,

this is Ricky James."

"He is trade union leader."

"Nice tits."

"Shame about the title.

Let's dance."

"Big tits."

"You seem a little lonely,

comrade."

"- Oh.

- Who am I going to introduce you?"

"Oh, it's all right, love."

"I'm only here

to debrief somebody."

"No, come on. Come on,

you can't be a wallflower."

"This is Fiona."

"She collects stamps."

"I didn't know you were

a trade union leader!"

"- Uh-huh. Make you dream.

- I know 'cause I've seen you on the TV."

"But you look much younger

in real life."

"Really? You're not bad looking

yourself."

"- Is it true you're to be in the news on Monday?

- Uh-huh."

"- Gonna be absolute chaos.

- You bet."

"Give me some,

will you, Spider?"

"I ain't touched the bass

in months, mate."

"Neither has he."

"Christ, all right then."

"Dr. Rock." One, two, three!"

"- All right, all right "

" I hope you sons of b*tches

see the light "

" You again, you again "

" I know you've got

a mental age of ten "

" Listen up, listen up "

" I wouldn't swap you

for a thousand bucks "

" Come on, you're the one "

" I think I'm going

to switch your laser on "

" I've got

the medicine you need "

" I've got the power

I've got the speed "

" I'll find out how

to stop your clock "

" We sure ain't

talking Dr. Spock "

" Hear me talking, Dr. Rock

"

" Lay down, turn around "

" Here come the sister

Gonna strip you down "

"Cheers."

"Here. I had another call

from Moscow this evening."

"And are my cruel paymasters

happy?"

"Well, they wanna know how

it's going with, um,"

"- phase four?

- Comrade, there may be just one small problem."

"What's that then?"

"Shall I wait here,

Home Secretary?"

"- Thank you, Clarence."

"And don't drink too much,

will you, Nosh?"

"- Bollocks.

- Oh..."

"The right honorable Mr.

And Mrs. Nosher Powell."

"So you are the new

Home Secretary?"

"I don't know why they call me

that. I can't even type."

"- And you must be Mrs. Powell.

- Yes."

"Is the PM and his wife here?

My class of friends."

"His wife is just over there."

"Oh, excuse me."

"Home Secretary, do let me introduce

you to Comrade Karpov of the KGB."

"Ah, Mr. Home Secretary!

I bring you fraternal greetings"

"from the peace-loving people

of the Soviet Union."

"- Is he taking the piss or

what?"

"Can I have a picture of the two

of you together, Nosh?"

"Oh, go on then. Come here."

"- Just a bit closer.

- How about a wacky one"

"- for the kids, please, Nosh?

- Here."

"The only good Russian's

a dead one, eh?"

"One more, please."

"It must be nice being married

to the Prime Minister."

"Gorgeous. No other word for

it."

"Tell me, how are you getting

on at Number Ten?"

"Because your house isn't

quite as big as ours, is it?"

"Yes, but at least my Harry is the

most powerful man in the country."

"I can assure you, that we just adore

our wonderful perks that go with it."

"Really? Well, I think I'd just

be bored to death"

"if I were married to a short, chinless,

stuck-up figurehead like him."

"Yes. But that's where

we're different, you see."

"I think I'd simply hate it

if my Harry"

"was just a member

of the Cabinet, like, um..."

"- Hear me talking "

" Dr. Rock "

"Now what's all this about you

putting railways out on strike?"

"Nothing. It was a joke."

"If one train stops running,"

"you'll get that

right on your mush."

"No, don't hit me, Home Secretary.

We won't go on strike, I promise."

"- Good."

"- And don't you ever threaten me again.

- I'm sorry."

"I didn't know you could

play bass like that."

"Not a mystery to me, mate."

"Do you see that?"

"Could hardly miss it,

could you, governor?"

"I was afraid that might

happen."

"Yeah. Still,"

"you could always try plan B."

"Hello."

"I like your bracelets."

"See that?"

"It's three grams worth of gold.

Good, isn't it?"

"Wow! Who are you?"

"Home Sec.

Is that flash or what?"

"Very."

"- You powerful?

- Very."

"Um..."

"You don't wanna come back

to the limo with me, do you,"

"and have a little flash

or something?"

"Oh, my leg.

My poor, bloody leg."

"Let me have a look at

it."

"Am I gonna bleed to death?"

"Tell me, Alex."

"It's just a flesh wound."

"- Oh!

- Oh, God! What are we gonna do?"

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