Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds Page #6

Itwas.

- Itwas?

- Itwas?

Ifelt so guilty, because...

all I could do was

think aboutyou, Kyle.

Really?

Yeah.

Howl letyou down.

And howl let

thegroup down.

And howmore than anything

Iwanted to be with a woman.

Or with aman and awoman.

I don't know...

it's all so confusing.

And then Ithought

of youtwo.

Andwhat good friends

you've been to me.

And howhonest

and open you've been

aboutyour struggles, Kyle.

And abouthowyoutwo

have an arrangement.

Wait, wait

Is thistoo weird?

It's nottoo weird.

Showme.

- Huh?

- Showmeyour routine.

Oh, it's...

gonna go thatfar?

Three-ways usuallydo.

Iwantyou...

to teach me... please?

Whydon't I do a little

mouth magic on you first?

That'll getme all nice

and rolling out

thewelcome mat

down there.

No.

Youtwo first.

That'll getme readyfor

whatyou'regonna do to me.

Butyou don't

want sloppyseconds.

Company should go first.

Blah!

Blah!

Thatis so hot.

Kyle, eat meoutalready!

Theboywants to

see howit's done!

Pleasedon'tmakeme!

Oh, yes... oh, yes.

That's it...

You can do it.

Makemama proud.

Oh my God.

It's like thelittle

homo that could.

You wanna trynow?

Please?

Troy?

Whereareyou going?

Well, that certainlydidn't

tastelikesugar and spice.

Troy!

What's going on?

It's mypussy.

Mypussyscared him away!

You littleex-gaysluts!

Oh... my... God.

Can wecomein, or were you

in the middle of dinner?

Whatareyou doing here?

We'renot eating p*ssy.

Whatare thethree

ofyou doing?

Well, Kylewas showing Troy

theart of cunnilingus.

And hewas doing

an admirablejob.

Yeah, for a gay guy.

Yeah, I know-

everything.

You guys will do

anythingto getlaid.

I atepussyfor nothing?

You deserved it!

Hey!

Itwasn'tthatbad!

I'msorry.

I'mhorrible.

We'reall horrible.

Ifit's anyconsolation,

itwasn'tjustaboutthe sex.

Wereallylikedyou.

Working out with you.

Watchingthe game.

Drawing you.

It doesn'tmatter now.

Likehe's gonnawantto have

anything to do with us.

Thefucked up thing is,

even though you lied to me,

andto each other,

andto people you don't

even know...

I likeyou... liars.

Welikeyou, too.

Yeah, you'reso cool.

And I'm sorry.

I knowl kind ofledyou all

on with mywhole

confusedthing.

Yeah, so c'mon.

You've sucked dick

and eaten p*ssy.

Which is it?

That's what's been tripping

meup allthese years.

I thoughtithad

to beoneortheother.

Butafter sampling both,

I've come to a conclusion.

I'm... bisexual.

There's no such thing!

Says who?

The laws ofnature!

It's likehorses

f***ing gerbils!

Well, then I'ma

freak of nature.

And I'mproud ofit.

Good!

Be proud, bi-boy!

Iwish you'd been proud

when wemet.

But I guessthat's hard

when peoplelikeyou

andJacob Buchanan tell him

howbad itis to begay.

Yeah.

I'msorry.

I should've helped you instead

oftryingto takeadvantage

of you not

knowing whatyouwere.

So... what do we do now?

We'regonna stop

peoplelike me.

No oneshouldtakeadvantage

of confused queer kids.

Andthesooner we help them

seepastwhatthey don'tlike

in themselves so they can

see thegreatthings

rightin

front of them...

thebetter.

He's ahomo who fucks

things up for other homos.

I don'tknowif...

Octavio, if people like

himweren't around,

everyonewould comeout!

You would getlaid like that!

Itakeyour point.

I'll do it.

Andthen we make love.

Stop thespread offaggotry!

Wakeup and smell

the patchouli!

You'rea dyke!

Help!

I'm being recruited!

Convincemeyou

didn'tlikethat.

Do your best.

Look... I'mnot gonna embrace

who I am justbecause

it's obvious, okay?

What?

Everyone's so cool

with being gay.

Will and Grace this,

ClayAiken that.

Well, I'mnot gonna

belabelled.

You'renot convincing me.

Okay, I'mgay.

Nowshutup and kiss me!

I'm not gay.

Then what do youwant?

Iwantusto make art.

Thatis so... hot.

God, you arealesbian.

Mom?

Whatareyou doing here?

What's wrong?

It's nothing.

No, what?

I'venever seen you

this upset.

Iwas atthebeauty shop,

and I was looking

through a magazine,

and I sawthattheOscars

arecoming up.

Well, Ithought,

who am I gonnawatch

the Oscars with?

Andthen that BritneyAguilera

song cameon -theoneabout

you'rebeautiful even if

you'reuglyand gay-

and Ithought,

who's gonnaplayme this

shittymusic

ortakeme out dancing

when I've had a bad day?

Mom, comeon...

No, you stop.

You'regonna get married and

havekids, for Christ's sake.

And I'mgonna visitwith

my girlfriends and allwe're

gonnatalk about

are grandchildren -

andthat

is so boring!

And Kyle, you'venever

been boring,

andthat is

becauseyou'regay.

You'rea fag, and Iwant

mylittlefaggotback.

Mom...

Heis back.

Did my vagina scareyou away?

What?

Theother night, you ran away

thesecondyou sawmyvagina.

Don'tbe crazy.

Ithinkyou have

a very sexyvagina.

Well, you sure knowhow

to charma girl.

There-this port-a-potty's

readyto roll.

I gothis precious Blackberry.

Wehavefive minutes.

Okay, nowdo whatyou gotta do

butbequick aboutit.

It shouldn'ttake more

than a coupleminutes.

Got it.

Perfect!

Nowgetyour ass to the

parking lot, pronto.

This isturning meon!

Octavio, aren't you going

to thebig presentation?

Yeah, butit's not

till oneo'clock.

It's in fiveminutes.

It's at oneo'clock.

Checkyour schedule.

Oh.

I could'vesworn itwas...

So itlooks likeyou have

some time to kill, huh?

Well, there's plentyof

workto bedone...

Oh...

Too bad.

Hi. Are you here

for Coming In?

Yes, we are.

Where'sJacob?

I'm Linda, his mother.

Mrs. Buchanan.

So niceto meetyou.

I'm Kyle, oneofJacob's

right-hand men.

He's running alittlelate,

buthe did sayto go ahead

and startwithout him.

Hmm.

Jacob's never mentionedyou.

Probablybecausehe's so

busytalking aboutall

thegirls he's dating, huh!

No!

No kissing.

Mmm, you likeit nasty.

Today, I amproudto present

thefruits ofmy son's labor.

Butmorethan that,

I'mexcited to see

theswelling of Coming In

asthehomosexualthreat

seemsto beswelling

exponentially.

Itis people

like mysonJacob,

who continueto thrust

our crusade into thespotlight.

Oh, yes, I've wantedthis

for so...

Shh.

No, Iwannabeloud.

It's dangerous!

It's hot...

Open this and shutup.

Jacob has always been

abeacon oflight.

When he came to me as ateenager

and told meofhis inner demons,

I knewwe could destroy

themwith loving support

and a strong fist.

You'regonna splitme

in two, aren'tyou?

Andwe have!

Today, Jacob dates girls -

and helikes dating girls!

Jacob provesthatifyou can

fightit, you can hide it!

And ifyou can hideit,

you can buryit!

Ah!

Whatwasthat?

Thatwas me.

Oh God, it was you.

Oh God,

itis you!

In keepingwith thethemes

you'vementioned, Linda,

we'vecommissioned local artist

GwenAnderson and Coming In

member VioletMufdaver

to portraytherevolting

and immoral acts

ofhomosexualityin anew

and compelling campaign,

which we'd like to

present to you now.

Gwen?

Members ofthe studentpress,

heterosexuals,

andthosewho wantto be,

wepresent Coming In's

newestad campaign...

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