Eating Raoul Page #4

"We do anything."

Well, that's certainly

laying it on the line.

"Whatever your sex fantasies,

from ordinary to bizarre...

...Carla and Nancy

will accommodate you."

- Cute names.

- Well, what do you think?

- Does that answer your question?

- All that in the box today?

Our first clients. You go first.

"Dear Mommy,

here is an indecent picture of me.

As you can see,

I have been a very bad boy...

...and I hope you will discipline me

very severely.

Yours, Bobby R."

He left a phone number.

Well, there's a phone.

Hello, is this Bobby R.?

Well, this is your mother calling,

Cruel Carla.

Were you expecting my call?

Insult him. Call him names.

Yes, Bobby, you little worm.

I saw what you did...

...and I'm going to teach you a lesson

you're never gonna forget.

But it's gonna cost you a lot.

How much?

- It's gonna cost you...

- Three hundred dollars.

It's gonna cost you $300.

Yes.

He said yes.

Address.

All right. I want you to come

to 525 Oxford Lane at 7:00.

And bring cash, you little jerk.

No checks and no credit cards!

Thank you.

Wow. Well, how did I do?

- He's coming, isn't he?

- Yeah.

Let's call another one.

I think we can do two a night.

- How about this guy for 9:00?

- Two?

Yeah, but he's got

a Beverly Hills address.

See if he'll go $350.

Who could that be?

Just a minute. Who is it?

- Lock service.

- Lock service?

Hello. Lock service.

- Are you the lady of the house?

- Yes. This is my husband.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Okay. Okay, let's take a look

around here.

- You ain't got no back door?

- No. Why?

- This is the main point of entry.

- What other would there be?

A place you wouldn't think of.

Like the windows.

- The windows?

- Yeah, these thieves are slick.

- But we're on the 5th floor.

- You think that will stop them?

- I just don't see how anybody could...

- Look, I don't want to argue with you.

- It's a good thing you called me.

- Why?

Any thief could open this lock

with a plastic card or flexible ruler.

- How?

- See?

- Good heavens.

- Oh, my God.

There's only four screws

holding it in place.

One good kick, and it will be gone.

- Now, I could put in a new one for $20.

- It said $ 12.95 in your flier.

Oh, that was the old price.

Everything's going up.

Well, yeah, but...

- This is a nice place you got here.

- Thank you.

It would be a crime to let some punk

burglar break in and take all your...

- Do you keep anything of value here?

- No.

What about your wine collection?

My husband collects very good wine.

Oh, yeah?

Is that worth much?

- Some of the bottles are worth $500.

- Mary!

- Well, they are.

- Oh, yeah?

- Don't wanna take a chance with that.

- Well...

If anybody breaks through one

of my locks...

...I guarantee not only

to replace the lock...

...but the value of anything stolen.

- How often does that happen?

- Never.

What about these windows?

Are these really a problem?

In most cases, no.

Of course, there's always a chance.

Well, how much would it cost

for the windows?

- Eight hundred dollars.

- What?

Well, you just can't put on locks.

You gotta put up bars...

...and wire the windows

to the alarm system...

...that activates

a signal to the police.

Forget it.

- Mr...?

- Call me Raoul.

Mr. Raoul, are you at all familiar

with handcuffs?

Once or twice. Why?

How much would it cost to put sets

of handcuffs in the walls?

You wanna put handcuffs

in your wall?

Just as a decorative motif.

Oh, well, never mind.

- When can you do the locks?

- Hey, right now.

Trust me.

You ain't gonna spend

another insecure night in this place.

Mr. Rabbit said,

"Do you promise not to eat me?"

And Mrs. Fox said,

"Give me $500."

I've been very bad,

haven't I, Mommy?

Are you gonna teach me a good

lesson? Are you going to spank me?

Yes, you have been bad, Bobby,

and I am gonna spank you.

How hard?

So hard you won't be able

to sit down, ever.

Like hell you will.

Screw you, Mommy, you hostile b*tch.

Just a minute. I'll be back.

What is taking you so long?

Can't you get him to do something

to you? Hit you?

I can't hit him

if he doesn't anger me.

Honestly, Paul.

I made a mess.

Look, Bobby,

if you want Mommy to discipline you...

...you're going to have to do

what Mommy likes.

Oh, yes, Bobby, Mommy likes that.

Don't bite me there, Bobby.

Oh, Bobby, please, no.

Bobby. Oh, stop, stop, I can't stand it.

Please, you're hurting me.

Bobby, don't bite me there!

No, please.

- Where did he get you?

- He didn't get me.

I was pretending to get you out here.

This may turn out to be harder

than we thought.

Very well, Fraulein.

I ask you again,

and if I do not get an answer...

...you will force me to give you pain.

Where are they hiding?

What? You still have no memory?

I don't know why it is

that I feel so merciful today.

Fraulein, perhaps...

...it is because you look

so innocent...

...so respectful of me.

Or perhaps it is because I know

that the more you wait for the pain...

...the more you will enjoy the pain.

Even now...

...these creamy white shoulders

are aching for the lash.

I will never tell you where they are,

you filthy Nazi pig.

So...

...you want to play rough, do you?

I will show you rough.

What an ordeal.

I thought he would never stop talking.

Nobody can say

we don't earn this money.

A check!

I told him not to bring a check!

After this, no more actors, okay?

Why don't you go to bed, honey.

I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up.

Okay. I'll see you in a little while.

Good night.

- Paul, where's the money?

- Wasn't it here?

- Did you take it into the bedroom?

- Of course l...

- Somebody's in the apartment.

- They're in the kitchen.

Come on.

- The lock man.

- Should've known it was too cheap...

...to be true. Okay, Raoul.

Give us the money back.

- What money?

- The money you took. Give it back.

- Why? Is it yours?

- Of course it's ours.

Maybe it belongs to that vato

in the bag there.

- That was an accident.

- And the other one?

- That was another accident.

- What happened?

- The gas in the kitchen.

- He was hit by lightning.

You know what I think?

I think you killed these people.

You don't want the police to know.

So, what if we did kill them? What

makes you think we won't kill you?

You can try,

but I'm willing to make a deal.

We're not giving up any money.

Why should we give up any?

We had to kill two people to get it.

You killed two people

for less than $ 1000?

- One of them shortchanged us.

- Seems like a lot of work for not much.

It was easy. We lured those people

here with an ad...

...in The Hollywood Press,

then I hit them with this.

- The Hollywood Press?

- Right. This is Naughty Nancy.

No.

- And Cruel Carla.

- No, I don't believe it.

- You don't believe it?

- Show him the ad.

Come here.

Oh, man, that's fantastic.

You know, I was gonna

answer that ad myself.

I gotta hand it to you, you guys got

a very original scam going here.

- Well, it was mostly Mary's idea.

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