Ed TV

1INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - NIGHT

The following is shot DOCUMENTARY-STYLE.

A GIRLS VOLLEYBALL GAME has just ended. It was a big game. Some kind of

championship.

ONE TEAM is CELEBRATING -- jumping up and down, squealing and

hugging each other. We are focused on the bench of the TEAM TRAT

LOST. They're very sad -- several are crying.

One girl, in particular, (AMY) is really sobbing. She's sweat-

stained, tired and just blubbering. Stuff's coming out of her eyes,

her nose, her mouth and the camera is seeing it all.

The COACH, a fortyish man looks at all the weeping girls -- Amy in

particular.

COACH:

You quit! You gave up!

He KICKS a CHAIR.

Now Amy is really a mess. She's crying, coughing, shaking.

COACH (CONT'D)

(right in Amy's face)

You quit!!

The Coach storms off.

COACH (CONT'D)

Qutters! ... Quitters!

Amy is wailing and choking on her own tears.

This IMAGE FREEZES.

TERRY (V.O.)

And that would be it. I don't

think you need any narration at

all. Just end it right there.

REVEAL:

2INT. OFFICE - DAY

BEGIN CREDITS:

We're in New York City. We're in the conference room of a modestly

successful cable TV station called "Real TV." The people are

young, energetic, clever. It's crowded, noisy -the furniture is

beaten up, bulletin boards cover the walls, with large index cards

all over them.

This room is not for show -- work gets done here.

SEVEN OR EIGHT PEOPLE are present. One of them is CYNTHIA REED.

She's the boss.

TERRY:

(to Cynthia)

What do you think?

CYNTHIA:

It's horrible, it's depressing, I

love it. What else?

ALICE:

I want to re-pitch that pregnancy

idea. Find six women early in their

pregnancies and follow them all right

through to the births.

KEITH:

(negative)

Yeah, when all that stuff comes

out.

Mixed reactions, mostly negative.

CYNTHIA:

I have an idea.

IMMEDIATE ATTENTION

CYNTHIA (CONT'D)

This is something I've been thinking

about for a long time. We're "Real

TV" right? I mean that's the name

of the station.

AGREEMENT:

CYNTHIA (CONT'D)

So let's go real. We find someone.

Just a regular person, someone. And

we put their life on television -

live... all day long.

Silence. No movement at all.

CYNTHIA (CONT'D)

Calm down.

KEITH:

What do you mean, like PBS did in

the seventies? What was that

family?

GREG:

The Louds.

KEITH:

Yeah.

CYNTHIA:

No. We go way beyond that. We

don't film it and edit it and put

it on later. We go on the air

live every morning and the show

goes off each night, when our

subject goes to bed. In between,

we're on live all day, every day -

the same person, -- for

(shrugs)

let's say a month.

No one is wild for this. Some hate it -- some are unconvinced.

FELICIA:

That's not a show that's a

surveillance camera.

GREG:

You can't do that.

CYNTHIA:

The hell we can't. Look, the

beauty of being a cable

channel is we can take chances. I've

thought about this and I'm

telling you, I think this can

make a noise. A loud one. There

are twelve thousand channels.

You've got to do something that

says "Look at me!" Hell, people

look at fish tanks all day. This

is people!

(more firmly)

Someone's real life -- an TV, all day

long - live... And, you know what?

I'm doing it.

Pause. The others know the argument is over.

GREG:

In that case, we love it.

END CREDITS:

3EXT. POOL HALL - DAY

A BUS passes. On the bus is an ad. It says, "Would you

like to star in your own TV show? Call Real TV (and a

phone number) Coming (and a date)."

4INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT - PARAMUS NEW JERSEY

This is a nice upscale pool hall. A party is in progress in a

special private area -- a room upstairs let's say -- a loft.

Thirty or forty PEOPLE in their twenties and thirties are

informally celebrating the engagement of two of their friends.

It's NOISY, it's fun, it's informal. It's not a high-end group.

By that we mean, not, for the most part young lawyers or

stockbrokers. They're mostly blue-collar. Community college

graduates.

WE OPEN ON ED PEKURNY. He's an attractive man, about thirty.

There's still something a little juvenile about him -- not

stupid, just boyish.

SOMEONE is VIDEOTAPING HIM for one of those congratulation

montage things that are done at parties these days. Ed is good

at this. He's not professional but he's a loosey-goosey guy

who's kind of good on camera.

ED:

I want to congratulate

Kevin and Tracy on their engagement.

I knew you guys were meant for each

other from the moment Tracy told us

she was pregnant.

TRACY:

You a**hole!

Everyone else is cracking up.

ED:

(innocently)

What? What did I say?

TRACY:

My mother's going to see this!

5INT. PARTY - LATER

Other people are being "interviewed" on tape. Ed is SHOOTING POOL

with his buddy, JOHN. John's had a couple of drinks. He's a little

melancholy.

He is looking across the room, thoughtfully.

ED:

What?

JOHN:

Look at this -- people are

getting married, they're

getting married...

ED:

You said that.

JOHN:

We're falling behind.

Ed waves dismissively.

JOHN (CONT'D)

You know who we are?

ED:

Tell me.

JOHN:

We're the guys who clean up after

the parade.

ED:

I'm gonna stick this right in your

eye.

JOHN:

I was at this comedy club last week

and this comedian says "If you're over

thirty and your job requires you to

wear a name tag, you screwed up your

life." And I'm laughing and then I

realize I wear a nametag.

ED:

So do I. So what? I'm doing all right.

JOHN:

Your brother's here.

ANGLE ON THE DOOR

Ed's brother RAY and Ray's girlfriend SHARI arrive at the party.

Shari is pretty in an unglamorous kind of way. They both wave and

then Shari goes off to talk to some of the LADIES and Ray joins Ed

and John.

RAY:

What's up?

ED:

Where were you?

RAY:

(reluctantly)

I was... having dinner with Shari

and her parents.

JOHN/ED

(taunting)

Oooh!

RAY:

I'm telling you, it's

closing in on me. All of a sudden

it's like a thing, it's a whole

thing.

ED:

What do you mean all

of a sudden? You've been going with

her six months.

RAY:

I know. I mean I'm sitting there

and her father's asking me about

my "career prospects" and I'm

playing "Risk," with her kid

brother, Leon and at dinner the

dog's sniffing at my balls -- at

least I hope it was the dog.

'Cause her mother disappeared for

a while.

They LAUGH.

6INT. PARTY - LATER

It's getting wild. Some of the girls are dancing raucously.

ANGLE ON A TABLE (NOT A POOL TABLE, AN EATING-TABLE)

Ed, Ray, John, Shari and maybe another WOMAN.

Ray is holding a big tray of SHRIMP BALLS. During the

conversation, Ray throws them in the air and catches them in

his mouth like popcorn. Once, he even bounces one off the

wall into his mouth.

ED:

You know, those are for everybody.

Ray waves dismissively, then gets an idea.

RAY:

Oh!

(to Shari)

Show them that thing you can do.

(to the others)

This is great. I just found out

she can do this, her brother told me.

(to Shari)

Come on.

SHARI:

(thinks it's stupid)

I don't -

RAY:

Come on...

She hesitates, but she really doesn't mind. Slightly, amused she

takes her FIST and fits it completely INTO her MOUTH.

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