Ed TV Page #10

3) HOCKEY ARENA

CLOSE-UP of Ed, driving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES

to Shari.

SHARI IN THE STANDS, watching. She waves and smiles.

The ice, a WIDER SHOT.

The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding

along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously,

eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the Plexiglas.

99 INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT

It's very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter

just to see the show. They're spotted.

The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them.

It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the

back.

A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the

music.

More people press towards Ed. It's too crowded -- dangerous.

Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently.

She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and

happy, but the effect is scary.

100 EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER

BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them.

Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is

torn.

101 INT. ED'S KITCHEN - DAY

Ed is ON the PHONE.

INTERCUT WITH:

CYNTHIA'S OFFICE

Yeah?!

ED:

They tore her dress! ...

CYNTHIA:

We're going to get you a

bodyguard, don't worry. Ed, I

have some news for you. We're

picking up Ed TV for another

month!

ED:

(excited)

Yeah?!

CYNTHIA:

That means a balloon payment and

a big raise for the second month.

ED:

Stand back -- I'm about to do my

Happy Dance.

He does.

102 INT. RESTAURANT

Ed and Shari are EATING. So is a HUGE MAN sitting between

them. His name is MOE.

103 INT. ROLLER RINK

Ed and Shari are SKATING. Up ahead of them, Moe, (on skates)

is plowing into people, knocking them over.

104 INT. PIZZA JOINT - NIGHT

Ed and Shari get up to leave. They look at each other, very

affectionately. They want to kiss. The cameras are close.

Ed is wearing a jacket. He spreads it out wide to block

Shari's face from the cameras. He leans in and they KISS on

the lips, several times, while Ed's jacket screens off the

cameras. They're in love.

105 INT. TV NEWS SHOW- THREE WEEKS LATER

Written on the screen -- "Day 26."

It's the same news team we met earlier.

ANCHOR:

Well, welve had pet rocks, hula

hoops, Davy Crockett, Beatle

wigs, and leisure suits. But

America's latest craze is a guy

named Ed. Here with that story

is entertainment reporter, Rick

Douglas.

ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER

Pat, four weeks ago, no one in

America had even heard of Ed

Pekurny. Today, this thirty-one

year-old video store clerk has

become something of a national

obsession. The words viewers use

to describe him are "charming,"

"natural," and "appealing." And

ratings indicate that "Ed TV" is

being watched by more people,

each day, than any show in the

history of cable television.

CUT TO:

A SHOT of Scharlach being interviewed. A CAPTION identifies him.

SCHARLACH:

This idea just came to me. I

told my staff -- if people just

tune in twice a day for five

minutes we're a hit. Sometimes

you gotta go with your gut

feeling.

CUT TO:

106 INT. CYNTHIA'S OFFICE

She's watching. She's ANGRY.

CYNTHIA:

Sure it came to you! Because I

brought it to you!

(raises her fist)

You want a gut feeling?! How

about a groin feeling?!

(raises her foot)

BACK TO NEWS REPORT

ENTERTAINMENT REPORTER

Ed TV has become so popular that

when Ed goes to sleep Real TV is

running highlights of Ed's day

all night. Some viewers have

become obsessed with Ed. They

wake up when Ed wakes up, they go

to sleep when Ed goes to sleep,

and in between they try to watch

as much of him as possible.

A SERIES OF MAN-IN-THE-STREET INTERVIEWS.

WOMAN #1

(casually)

Yeah, I watch it... More than I'd

like to admit sometimes.

MAN:

(about fifty)

Never... no...

YOUNGER MAN:

Honestly? ... I try not to go to

the bathroom until Ed goes to the

bathroom so I won't miss

anything.

A GUY in an ice cream store.

ICE CREAM GUY:

Watch this! Like Ed.

He slices a banana the way Ed does.

WOMAN #2

I just kind of leave it an, you

know, so it's... there.

THREE TEEN-AGE GIRLS

TEEN-AGER #l

I don't like Shari. She's ...

needy.

TEEN-AGER #2

I like her. She's sweet.

TEEN-AGER #1

She just rubs me the wrong way.

TEEN-AGER #3

I'm so glad they got rid of Ray.

He was creepy.

CUT TO:

YOUNG GUYS:

GUY #1

To me, this Shari is like

nothing.

GUY #2

She's not even hot. I mean Ed's

a celebrity. If that was me, I'd

be dating the goods.

GUY #1

There's something wrong with her.

She's definitely not hot.

GUY #2

Not hot. Not.

107 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

She's watching this, wearing a bathrobe.

Her self-esteem is being crushed.

108 INT. TV STUDIO

This is an "E TV" kind of gossip show. The host -- a YOUNG

WOMAN -- is showing film of Ed and Shari getting out of Ed's

car. The film freeze-frames. Shari has an

unflattering look on her face.

GOSSIP QUEEN:

What's wrong with her! Everytime

you look at this chick, it's like

she badly needs a Tampax. Ed, you

can do better.

Shari watching, in horror.

109 INT. DELICATESSAN - NIGHT

Ed and Shari are on a date. A WAITRESS is taking their order.

Shari still seems a little self-conscious, but Ed is having a

ball.

ED:

I'11 have...

(to Shari)

Get this --

(to the waitress)

I'11 have the "Ed."

SHARI:

I'm stunned.

A WOMAN with her young SON approach.

WOMAN:

Mr. Pekurny. I'm sorry to bother

you. My son would just love to

have your autograph.

ED:

No problema.

(to the boy)

You want a picture?

The boy nods.

ED (CONT'D)

Moe.

MOE, the Bodyguard, in the next booth hands Ed a glossy of Ed

and a pen. Ed signs it.

ED (CONT'D)

Take this around the corner to

Frame World, they'll give you a

discount.

The Woman and Child leave.

ED (CONT'D)

(to Shari)

Oh -- Sunday is good for me to

meet your folks. We get a big

family audience on Sundays so it

works out.

SHARI:

(ironic)

That's lucky.

ED:

Saturday, I think we should

A PHONE RINGS:

Ed takes a phone out of his pocket.

ED (CONT'D)

(plugging)

Compliments of Motorola.

Hello... Marcia??

(to Shari)

My sister. -- What? ... What,

right now? ... I'm eating, I'm on

a date! ... Well, where's your

boyfriend -- what's his name?

Cliff .... Then, call a cab...

(wearily)

All right. Look, just don't

start any trouble okay. Just sit

there quietly 'til I get there...

you're welcome.

He HANGS UP. He's disgusted.

110 INT. CAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER

ED:

This used to be a regular thing.

And the worst part, is while

she'd be waiting for me to come

down to some bar and get her,

she'd start up with some guy and

say "Wait 'til my brother gets

here, he'11 kick your ass." So

then I walk in and there's some

rhinoceros in a windbreaker who

tries to shove me into a shot

glass. And Marcia's drunk and

screaming "Kick his ass, Ed.

Kick his ass."

(looks out)

I think this is it.

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