Ed Wood

FADE IN:

INT. HAUNTED MANSION PARLOR - NIGHT

We move through a spooky shrouded parlor, as a storm rages

outside. THUNDER roars, and lightning flashes in the giant

windows. in the center of the room lies an oak coffin.

Suddenly the lid starts to creak open. A hand crawls past

the edge... and then the lid slams up! Famed psychic CRISWELL

pops out. Criswell, 40, peers at us intently, his gleaming

eyes framed under his striking pale blonde hair. He intones,

with absolute conviction:

CRISWELL:

Greetings, my friend. You are

interested in the unknown, the

mysterious, the unexplainable...

that is why you are here. So now,

for the first time, we are bringing

you the full story of what

happened...

(extremely serious)

We are giving you all the evidence,

based only on the secret testimony

of the miserable souls who survived

this terrifying ordeal. The

incidents, the places, my friend, we

cannot keep this a secret any longer.

Can your hearts stand the shocking

facts of the true story of Edward D.

Wood, Junior??

EXT. NIGHT SKY

Lightning CRACKS.

We drift down past the dark clouds... through the torrential

rain... and end up...

OPTICAL:

EXT. HOLLYWOOD - NIGHT

We've landed in Hollywood, 1952. We're outside a teeny, grungy

playhouse. The cracked marquee proclaims "'THE CASUAL

COMPANY,' WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY EDWARD D. WOOD, JR."

Pacing nervously in the rain is ED WOOD, 30, our hero.

Larger-than-life charismatic, confident, Errol Flynn-style

handsome, Ed is a human magnet. He's a classically flawed

optimist:
Sweet and well-intentioned, yet doomed by his demons

within.

The doors open, and Ed's pal JOHN "BUNNY" BRECKINRIDGE, 45,

hurries out. Bunny is a wealthy, theatrical fop wearing a

string of pearls.

[PAGE 2 MISSING]

Suddenly the rest of the cast runs up, frantically upset. In a

flowing white dress is DOLORES FULLER, 23, a sharp, hungry-

for-a-career ingenue. She's near tears.

DOLORES:

Eddie, my dove just flew out the

window!

CREW MEMBER:

She goes on in two minutes! What

are we gonna do??

They all look to Ed, awaiting a response. He thinks a second,

then excitedly CLAPS his hands.

ED:

Dolores, give me your shoes.

DOLORES:

What?

ED:

The ghost can be barefoot. Give

me your shoes!

She hands Ed her white shoes. He snatches one, grabs a pair of

scissors, and starts CUTTING up the shoe. Everyone is baffled.

He keeps cutting the shoe... and it slowly takes on the shape

of a dove!

Ed then grabs some pipe cleaners, works them into a shape, and

sprints into the dressing room. He takes some green eye shadow

and excitedly smears it on the pipe cleaners. Ed then hurries

back out, jams the green pipe cleaners into the cut-up shoe...

and it looks like a dove with an olive branch in its mouth!

The cast is flabbergasted.

CREW MEMBER:

Wow.

BACK ONSTAGE:

The soldiers suddenly look up.

ACTOR #1

Hey, I think I see something!

Dolores floats down onto the stage, holding out the dove.

DOLORES:

I offer you mortals the bird of

peace, so that you may change your

ways and end all this destruction.

CUT TO:

INT. SCRUFFY COFFEE SHOP - LATER THAT NIGHT

Ed and his gang celebrate opening night in a dirty 24-hour

diner. They're noisily slugging down drinks, in a big red

booth.

ED:

What a show! Everyone was terrific!

Paul, your second-act monologue

actually gave me chills,

He grins at Actor #1, aka PAUL MARCO, a young eager beaver

who's loyal like a dog.

PAUL MARCO:

Aw thanks, Eddie.

Actor #2, aka CONRAD BROOKS, a friendly, simple-minded lug,

runs up waving a newspaper.

CONRAD:

I got the early edition! It was just

dropped off at the newsstand.

ED:

(he smiles at everyone)

This is the big moment...!

Ed opens the paper to the entertainment page.

INSERT - THE NEWSPAPER. Ed turns to a column, "The Theatrical

Life, By Victor Crowley." Under this is a photograph of an old

man with an ascot.

WIDE:

Everybody excitedly crowds around and starts reading. A

moment... and then their faces drop. Clearly, this is a

disastrous review. Their faces get sadder, and sadder... and

then they finish. A melancholy beat, until --

BUNNY:

What does that old queen know? He

wasn't even there!

(he knocks back a drink)

Sending a copy boy to do his dirty

work. Well f*** him!

DOLORES:

Do I really have a face like a horse?

PAUL MARCO:

What does "ostentatious" mean?

Ed calmly waves his arms for attention. He tries to smile.

ED:

Hey. Hey, it's not that bad. You

just can't concentrate on the

negative. He's got some nice things

to say...

(he scans the review)

See, "The soldier costumes are very

realistic." That's positive!

Everyone kind of stares at their drinks, depressed. Ed

launches into an upbeat speech.

ED:

Hell, I've seen a lot worse reviews.

I've seen ones where they didn't even

like the costumes! Like, that last

"Francis the Mule" picture -- it got

terrible notices. But it was a huge

hit.

PAUL MARCO:

Lines around the block.

ED:

So don't take it too seriously.

We're all doin' great work.

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