Ed Wood Page #4

THROUGH THE WINDOW

The showroom is filled with sample coffins. Lying inside one

is BELA LUGOSI.

ANGLE - ED

He is flabbergasted.

INT. HOLLYWOOD MORTUARY - SAME TIME

Lugosi slowly sits up inside the coffin. Bela is an aged 70-

year-old man, once a great star, now a faded memory trying to

hang on to his nobility. Quite frail and tired, he is still a

master of the grand gesture.

An UNCTUOUS SALESMAN steps up. Bela speaks, in a thick

Hungarian ACCENT which gives him an Old World elegance.

BELA:

Too constrictive. This is the most

uncomfortable coffin I have ever been

in.

SALESMAN:

Gee, Mr. Lugosi, I've never had any

complaints before.

BELA:

The selection is quite shoddy. You

are wasting my time.

Mildly annoyed, Bela climbs out. He straightens his cloak and

walks to the exit -- where be bumps into nervous Ed.

ED:

Excuse me, Mr. Lugosi??

BELA:

(irritated)

I told you, I don't want any of your

goddamn coffins.

ED:

No. I don't work here.

BELA:

Huh?

Bela peers at Ed, then glances confusedly over his shoulder at

the salesman. Oh. Bela looks back at anxious Ed.

BELA:

Who are you? What do you want?

ED:

I don't want anything. I'm just a

really big, big fan. I've seen all

your movies.

BELA:

Ha!

Bela strides out.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - SAME TIME

Bela hurries along. Ed chases after him.

ED:

Why were you buying a coffin?

BELA:

Because I'm planning on dying soon.

ED:

(concerned)

Really?

BELA:

Yes. I'm embarking on another bus-

andótruck tour of "Dracula." Twelve

cities in ten days, if that's

conceivable.

Bela pulls out a large smelly cigar and lights it.

ED:

You know, I saw you perform

"Dracula." In Poughkeepsie, in 1938.

BELA:

Eh, that was a terrible production.

Renfield was a drunk!

ED:

I thought it was great. You were

much scarier in real life than you

were in the movie.

BELA:

Thank you.

ED:

I waited to get your autograph, but

you never came outside.

BELA:

I apologize. When I play Dracula,

I put myself into a trance. It takes

me much time to re-emerge.

A CITY BUS approaches.

BELA:

Oh, there's my bus.

(he checks his pockets)

Sh*t, where's my transfer?!

ED:

Don't you bave a car?

BELA:

I refuse to drive in this country.

Too many madmen.

The bus pulls up, and the doors open. Ed is worried he's about

to lose his new friend. He gets an idea...

CUT TO:

INT. 1948 NASH RAMBLER - DAY

Ed drives anxiously. Bela sits next to him, filling the car

with smoke from his big cigar.

ED:

Boy, Mr. Lugosi, you must lead such

an exciting life. When is your next

picture coming out?

BELA:

I have no next picture.

ED:

Ah, you gotta be jokin'! A great man

like you... I'll bet you have dozens

of 'em lined up.

BELA:

Back in the old days, yes. But now

-- no one give two fucks for Bela.

Bela puffs on his oversized cigar.

ED:

But you're a big star!

BELA:

No more. I haven't worked in four

years. This town, it chews you up,

then spits you out. I'm just an

ex-bogeyman.

(he points)

Make a right.

EXT. BELA'S NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Ed drives past pumping oil wells and into a seedy neighborhood.

They reach a tiny, well-manicured house. Ed and Bela get out.

BELA:

(bitter)

They don't want the classic horror

films anymore. Today, it's all giant

bugs, giant spiders, giant

grasshoppers -- who would believe

such nonsense!

ED:

The old ones were much spookier.

They had castles, full moons...

BELA:

They were mythic. They had a poetry

to them.

(he lowers his voice)

And you know what else? The women

prefer the traditional monsters.

ED:

The women?

BELA:

The pure horror, it both repels and

attracts them. Because in their

collective unconsciousness, they have

the agony of childbirth. The blood.

The blood is horror.

ED:

I never thought of that.

BELA:

Take my word for it. You want to

"score" with a young lady, you take

her to see "Dracula."

Bela's eyes twinkle. He reaches his front door and unlocks it.

INSIDE... it's awful. Squalid, dark, with skulls and strange

voodoo objects scattered about. Up front hangs a large

photograph of shockingly young Bela, handsome and regal.

Ed is stunned by this dismal place, but doesn't say anything.

Within, DOGS start BARKING crazily.

BELA:

Ugh, what a mess.

(beat)

My wife of twenty years left me last

month. I'm not much of a

housekeeper.

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