Ed Wood Page #6

BELA:

Children! I love children.

Bela puts on his famous cape, then gets a pair of fangs and

sticks them in his mouth.

OUTSIDE:

Little kids in Lone Ranger and Howdy Doody costumes giggle

expectantly.

Suddenly the door flies open, and standing there is Count

Dracula! The real Count Dracula. YEOWWWW!!! The kids SCREAM

and run.

Bela chuckles. Every kid is gone... except one TOUGH BOY.

BELA:

Aren't you scared, little boy? I'm

going to drink your blood!

TOUGH BOY:

Ehh, you're not a real vampire.

You can't turn into a bat, and

those teeth don't frighten me.

Suddenly Ed lurches out, menacingly.

ED:

Well how about these teeth?!!

Ed RIPS HIS TEETH out of his head and thrusts them at the

kid. The boy SCREAMS in terror and races away.

Bela is wowed.

BELA:

Hey, how'd you do that?

Ed smiles impishly, then sticks the teeth back in his mouth.

ED:

Dentures. I lost my pearlies in

the war.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET - LATER THAT NIGHT

Ed and Bela run toward us, Bela's cape flapping in the wind.

Ed takes a swig from Bela's flask. They're a bit tipsy.

ED:

Are you sure this is okay?

BELA:

Don't worry. I do it every

Halloween.

EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT

The moonlight shines down on a rickety old cemetery. The wind

blows hauntingly, and tombstones gleam in the blackness.

Ed and Bela reach the locked gates. They glance at each other,

then start to climb over. Ed helps Bela. They jump down, and

Ed peers nervously.

ED:

Now what?

Bela looks like a child on Christmas morning. He takes another

swig, then starts running giddily.

He disappears into the cemetery.

BELA:

I am DRACULA!

Bela darts happily through the graves.

His cape flies behind him.

BELA:

I am the BAT!!

Ed's eyes light up. He starts chasing after Bela.

Bela's heart is racing. He zig-zags past ancient crypts.

Gargoyles peer down. The wind howls through the skeletal

trees, silhouetted against the cloudy sky.

Ed runs through the shadows, trying to catch up.

Bela flaps his cape up and down. We almost think he's going to

fly.

Ed races up, then quietly stops. He eagerly watches Bela,

practically expecting him to turn into a bat. It's a magical,

crazed moment.

BELA:

I am DRACUlA! I will LIVE FOREVER!!!

Bela laughs, then lies down on the grass.

WIDE:

Ed slowly walks over and lies next to Bela. They're happy,

eyes alert, on top of the world.

Ed peers in wonder at his new friend.

CUT TO:

INT. SCREEN CLASSICS OFFICE - DAY

Ed sits across from Georgie. Ed's very excited.

GEORGIE:

So what's the big news you couldn't

tell me over the phone... again?

Ed gulps excitedly. He has a spiel all planned out.

ED:

Mr. Weiss, I was thinkin' about what

you said, about how all your movies

have to make a profit. And I

realized, what's the one thing, that

if you put in a movie, it'll be

successful??

GEORGIE:

(he thinks)

Tits.

ED:

No. Better than tits -- a star!

Georgie shakes his head.

GEORGIE:

Eddie, you must have me confused with

David Selznick. I don't make major

motion pictures. I make crap.

ED:

Yeah, but if you took that crap and

put a star in it, you'd have something!

GEORGIE:

Yeah. Crap with a star.

ED:

(impassioned)

No! It would be something better!

Something impressive. The biggest

moneymaker you've ever had!

GEORGIE:

Fine, maybe you're right. But it

doesn't friggin' matter. I can't

afford a star, so I don't even know

what we're talking about.

Ed grins.

ED:

What if I told you you could have a

star for $1000??

GEORGIE:

(skeptical)

Who?

Ed opens his valise and whips out an 8x10 GLOSSY OF BELA.

GEORGIE:

Lugosi?

ED:

Yeah! Lugosi!

GEORGIE:

Isn't he dead?

ED:

(annoyed)

No, he's not dead! He lives in

Baldwin Hills. I met him recently,

and he wants to be in our picture.

GEORGIE:

OUR picture?

ED:

(sheepishly)

Uh, yeah. Our picture.

Georgie mulls this over. He's interested.

GEORGIE:

Why would Lugosi want to be in a

sex-change flick?

ED:

Because he's my friend.

Georgie stares carefully at Ed, then finally smiles.

GEORGIE:

Alright, fine! You can direct it.

I want a script in three days, and

we start shooting a week from Monday.

ANGLE - ED

He leaps up euphorically. He eagerly pumps Georgie's hand.

ED:

Thank you! Bless you, Mr. Weiss!

I promise I won't let you down!

CUT TO:

INT. ED'S APARTMENT - DAY

CU on a ROYAL TYPEWRITER. Ed's hands whirl across the portable

typewriter, frantically feeding in pages as fast as be can

type. We PULL OUT.

Ed sits on the bed, typing. He's a blur of activity, juggling

a cigarette, coffee, and a telephone, while he writes.

ED (on phone)

But Bunny, you're perfect for this

job! You're so good at organizing.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote