EDTV Page #15

Ed and Jill, in heavy heat, back up to the kitchen table and

climb on to it. They continue to pull at their own and each,

other's clothing. They're making passionate noises.

158 INT. SHARI'S APARTMENT

Shari is not watching television. She's eating a little meal

she's made for herself. She HEARS PEOPLE in her building

cheering and whooping. She looks miserable.

159 INT. CONTROL TRUCK

DIRECTOR:

(slightly panicky)

Someone say the word, how far can

we go here?

160 INT. REAL TV OFFICE

Cynthia and her staff are watching. Cynthia is ON THE PHONE-

CYNTHIA (into phone)

Stay with them ... don't leave

yet... not yet ...

Jill is on top of Ed. Carried away with passion, Ed attempts

to roll her over and get on top. He does, but rolls too far.

He crashes off the table, to the floor, face up.

ED:

(in pain)

Ohhh...

JILL:

Ed?

ED:

Ohh... do you own a cat?

JILL:

Yeah. Why?

He looks at her apologetically.

161 EXT. JILL'S BUILDING

Ed is being loaded into an AMBULANCE. He looks humiliated.

PEOPLE in the street are applauding politely as if Ed were an

injured ballplayer being carried off the field. Jill is by the

ambulance. She's PETTING a CAT who looks all right.

PHOTOGRAPHERS are taking her picture. She's posing willingly.

The ambulance drives off as Jill continues to pose.

162 INT. TV STUDIO

Written on the screen -- "Day 49"

The taping of "The Tonight Show" or "the Late Show" -- once

again, whichever we have a prayer of getting. The MONOLOGUE is

in progress.

JAY (OR DAVE)

(mock annoyed)

So I guess you were all watching

Ed last night.

The AUDIENCE goes wild.

JAY (CONT'D)

This got the highest rating of

the year, since the Super Bowl.

I guess that makes sense. After

all, Ed is now the Buffalo Bills

of sex.

BIG LAUGHS:

163 INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

Scharlach EATING. He's stunned.

SCHARLACH:

What?!

REVEAL CYNTHIA:

CYNTHIA:

Take him off the air.

SCHARLACH:

What are you talking about? He's

fine. He's out of the hospital

already. The ratings are higher

than ever.

CYNTHIA:

I'm telling you, it's peaked. Ed

TV is an over-inflated balloon.

Get it off before it explodes all

over us.

He thinks.

SCHARLACH:

With all due respect, Cynthia

you're nuts. I'm giving him

another month!

CYNTHIA:

(coldly)

Good luck.

164 EXT. STREET - DAY

"DAY 54"

Ed is walking. He's wearing a white, Velcro support around his

waist. He's agitated. He's carrying a copy of the New York

Post.

ED:

Look at this!

WE SEE a headline -- "Ed: She Broke My heart."

ED:

She did not!

(venting)

You know what she did?

ED (CONT'D)

She went out to California and

got one of those scandal agents.

One of those agents who handle,

like... Gennifer Flowers and...

Kato Kaelin and Joey Buttafuco.

That's what she --

A GUY YELLS AT ED

GUY:

Hey Ed! ... She was a little too

much for you, huh? Must run in

the family.

ED:

(angry)

Oh -- like this guy's ever been

with a woman.

(yells)

How about I kick your ass 'til

the crack goes the other way?

(to the camera)

All of a sudden, I'm like fair

game for everyone. I'm like --

He stops and looks like he's in shock. He stares in through

the display window of a bookstore.

ANGLE ON,

a big DISPLAY of cheap, rushed-out, exploitation books. On the

cover we read "My Brother Pissed On Me By Raymond L. Pekurny.11

And there's an old photo of two little boys. (Ed and Ray)

ED:

Oh my -- He wrote a book?! Ray

wrote a book?! He never read a

book!

165 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT

"DAY 58"

It's the hallway of a cheap hotel. Ed and the camera come off

the elevator. Ed looks at room numbers. He can HEAR the noise

from all the rooms. A radio -- a domestic disturbance -- a

baby crying -- it's a horror. He KNOCKS ON a door.

HANK (O.C.)

Who is it?

ED:

It's Ed.

The door opens REVEALING Ed's father.

HANK:

Ed! Come in -

They enter.

166 INT. HOTEL ROOM

It's depressing. There's a liquor bottle on the dresser. Ed

sees it.

HANK (CONT'D)

How've you been?

Ed SHRUGS.

HANK (CONT'D)

They don't get cable here, so 1

can't watch you.

Ed just GRUNTS.

Hank takes LAUNDRY off a chair.

HANK (CONT'D)

Sit down.

He does. He looks around.

HANK (CONT'D)

Quite a shithole, isn't it?

ED:

It could be, if you fixed it up.

How did you... ? I mean how does

anyone ... wind up like this?

HANK:

I was in jail.

ED:

The whole time? Eighteen years?

HANK:

No. Two times.

ED:

What...

HANK:

Check forging.

ED:

Oh, man! So...

HANK:

The last two years, I've been a

limousine driver, but I don't see

well anymore, so...

ED:

So you saw me on TV and you said

"Hey, let me jump on this."

HANK:

I need help. How many times if

just one little thing that I

needed would've happened, it

would've changed everything. If

I had a few dollars when an

opportunity came along or... the

tumblers just never clicked for

me.

Ed doesn't know what to say. He's bitter towards Hank, but

there's also some empathy.

ED:

(to the camera)

All right... This is my father,

I don't know what the hell he can

do, but if anyone out there can

help him -- get him a job -

I'11 ... help you. I'11 ...

mention your business or ... I

don't know, we'11 figure it out.

(quickly, to Hank)

I gotta go.

HANK:

Ed... I'm sorry.

ED:

(still bitter)

Yeah? That's good. Sorry is

good. You know I finished that

model.

HANK:

What...

ED:

The pirate ship.

Hank looks blankly at him.

ED (CONT'D)

-- That we were doing "together."

I finished it. It came out great!

Because no one was standing over

my shoulder bothering me -

"That's too much glue. You're

using too much glue."

HANK:

Do you still have it?

ED:

No. Ray sat on it. I'11 see you.

He exits. Out in the hallway, he leans back against the door,

drained. The camera is right on him, soaking it up.

167 INT. TV STUDIO

The same PBS-type panel of smart-looking people we met earlier.

WE OPEN ON about half the panel.

MODERATOR:

Let's hear from our guest

panelist. You've expressed some

interesting thoughts on this,

subject. What do you see as the

meaning, if there is any, of Ed

TV, John.

REVEAL JOHN, sitting comfortably on the panel, looking very

wise.

JOHN:

I feel that Ed is the apotheosis

of a prevailing American

syndrome. It used to be that

someone became famous because

they were special. Now people

are considered special just for

being famous. Fame, itself, is

now a moral good in this country.

It's its own virtue.

The others NOD appreciatively as John puts a PIPE in his mouth.

TV INTERVIEWS:

OLD GUY:

I was Ed's Little League coach.

He had no coordination. The big

game, he struck cut with the

bases loaded. Then he cried like

a woman. It was sickening.

CUT TO:

OLD WOMAN:

I was his third grade teacher.

I said "Take him for tests.

There's something wrong with

him." They didn't listen.

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