Elektra Luxx

[TYPING]

Hi. I'm Bert Rodriguez

from En Pelotas Magazine,

the Latin's world numero uno source

for breaking sexy news.

Chronicler, if you will,

of the secret history of Hollywood.

Humble memorialist of the

vertiginous ups and precipitous downs

of the world's greatest

female porn stars

because porn stars

are people too.

And I don't mean objectifying them.

No, sir.

En Pelotas is about paying tribute

to those Amazon creatures

walking among us

who make the term "sex goddess"

sound woefully undernourished.

And in a world increasingly known

for its surgical enhancements

and questionable pubic hairstyles,

one performer stands...

Or is it stood?...taller than the rest.

And that is the "initimable"...

And that is the ininim...

And that is the inimitable

Elektra Luxx.

Let me take you back to a time before

all the acclaim, the drug busts,

before the high-profile affair

with Nick Chapel

and the detritus

of their ensuing sex tape.

Let me deposit you in the wasteland

of adult entertainment in the '90s.

A dark era in which the silicone craze

erupted like a Macedonic volcano

and gonzo slayed the plot-driven

pictures of yesteryear.

Even in that toxic environment,

she managed to elevate

standard mature programmers

such as Sticky Sweet Volume 2

and Natural Born Killer Naturals.

Eventually earning herself

an unprecedented

five consecutive Fox of the

Year awards from the AWN.

But if one performance

perfectly captures the moment

where she turned the page

and went from promising sex kitten

to behemothic superstar,

it would have to be her turn

as twin nymphomaniac sisters

in the precisely titled

It is here that Elektra first puts into

play her look-to-the-camera theory.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Take a look.

With this seemingly harmless

breaking of the proverbial

fourth wall,

Miss Luxx pretty much started

a revolution.

Seems immaterial now,

but at the time, there were rumors

she had looked at the camera

awaiting direction

or simply thought the camera was

in another place altogether. Nonsense.

Take a look at

Dial SS for Super Sex.

Am I interrupting something?

- It's her. It's Super Sex.

- Huh?

What do you bad boys want

all that money for?

- To get some p*ssy.

- Buy some beer.

Let's deal with the beer later.

First things first.

BERT:
And here she is in

The Best Girl Scout Cookies.

We're lost, totally lost.

It'll be hours before

they send out a search party.

I will gather some sticks

to make a fire.

I know a better way to keep warm.

We can't. I asked your group

leader, Stacey, to marry me.

So marry her.

Group Leader Stacey taught me

to share and we share everything.

The success of

2 Nymphomaniac Twin Sisters

was such that the producers

signed her up for the hotter sequel:

Wetter Than Seattle.

This is the one

with the famous orgy scene

in which Elektra joins herself

in bed

for what Adult World News

called the big bang of all sex scenes.

WOMAN:

Berto!

What?

WOMAN:

You told me you took out the trash.

I did! I did take it out!

It won every major award

at the AWN show,

including two best actress statuettes

for Miss Luxx.

WOMAN:
You didn't take it out!

- Mom, please not now! Please!

The industry being as literal as it is,

Elektra soon starred

as the world's most jaw-droppingly

curvilinear astrophysicist

in The Big Bang,

earning herself another nomination

for best group sex scene, but

losing to newcomer Venus Azucar

in what is still

a hotly debated decision.

WOMAN:

When are you going to take it out?

When you begin to mount the edge of

the most fantastic shivering spasm,

it's not bad form to look him

in the eye and say:

"I don't know where I'm going,

but if you move, I will kill you."

And if you're with a woman,

you might also compliment her hair.

Nothing makes us more insecure,

even with our ankles

behind our ears,

than our hair looking all funny.

Yes, Maria.

WOMAN:
My husband often complains

that I'm too quiet during...

You know.

But I don't really know what to say

because I'm concentrating myself.

Well, verbal reinforcement

is a must.

If the man is f***ing you

with wild abandon, it is your duty

and your privilege

to encourage him.

- Mrs. Turner.

- Oh, well,

...if the man is already doing the...

- If he's already inside you, yeah.

Isn't it then, quite frankly, a little

redundant to be talking about it?

No, no, no. Men are very insecure.

And it is critical that you reaffirm.

This is of vital importance.

Also, they are primarily

visual creatures.

Don't keep your faces

scrunched up the whole time.

That's a mistake first-timers

make on camera.

At least before Botox

changed the game.

Same thing in the privacy

of your own home.

Men require encouragement.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

- What is it, Dolores?

- It's nothing.

You've been wanting

to say something.

I'm fine.

What is it? We're all friends.

I had this horrible experience

last week with my boyfriend and...

- What's wrong with your eye?

- Nothing.

But it keeps twitching.

Oh, uh, well...

That's just it.

[SOBBING]

I was practicing the oral technique

you suggested

and when it was time...

I timed it all wrong and...

- It's okay, let it all out.

- And it all went in my eye

and I went blind and I had to

be rushed to the emergency room.

Blind?

I'm sorry.

You were giving

on your knees.

And where

was your hair?

It... Well, he was

holding it back.

- That wasn't a problem.

- And he was standing.

He was on the couch

just like you said, and I was...

I was giving him

that devouring look.

I said, "Didn't you promise me

a pearl necklace?"

Obviously, in my whole life,

I never said that before.

I'm very proud of you.

I didn't even get to say "necklace"

because suddenly,

this whip strikes across my eye

and my vision goes all blurry

and I fall back and I...

So you fell off the horse.

Most natural thing in the world.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

And nothing else to do

but get right back on.

The whole ride, the

paramedic was snickering facts

about how the prostaglandin

and the citric acid in his semen

was not compatible

with my contact-lens solution.

And your boyfriend?

Oh, he felt so bad for me.

He punched that ambulance driver

when he was driving

and he got me

a real pearl necklace.

WOMEN:
Aw.

- They're Japanese. So, yeah.

All right.

That's it for today.

Oh, Father McKinley

needs the room next week,

so we will start at 6:00.

- Miss Luxx?

- Yeah?

Miss Luxx, you don't

know me. My name is Cora.

- Oh, you just missed class.

- I'm not here for your class.

I need to speak to you

about something else.

Oh, yeah?

It has to do with

Nick Chapel.

If you're a reporter,

my answer is no.

Thanks, but no thanks.

And also, no.

- I'm not. I saw you at the funeral.

- You saw me at the funeral?

Fighting with his mother. That

was awful the way she slapped you.

- You are a reporter.

- No, I'm a flight attendant.

- Print whatever lie you like.

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