Elsa & Fred

Everything is so difficult. I just...

Over there.

Sylvia...

My goodness.

Marcello, come here. Hurry up.

Sylvia...

What do you mean, Monday?

...it was supposed to be

taken off last Monday...

Well, because my

father's arriving today.

No, I told you I cannot do Monday...

I'm not afraid to get off myself.

Hey, be careful with that mirror!

Could you take down the "for sale"

sign on the windows upstairs, please?

They're all the way on the third floor,

ma'am. How am I supposed to do that?

Well, I'm not a super, am I?

That goes right upstairs.

Taco, get me a ladder.

Yeah, I know. I hate ladders.

I'm always falling off them,

but this woman is driving me crazy.

Armande, is that the woman

who's moving in next door to me?

No, she's not the woman who's moving in.

Thank God she lives in the suburbs.

It's her father. Her mother

passed away, she wants him nearby.

- Oh, what a shame.

- Yeah.

Okay, good. So, come on in.

If you want to change

into your work clothes,

you can use the room right back there.

I'm already in my work clothes.

Okay. Okay, great. All right.

Remember, my father's going

to be here any minute now.

This move is entirely pointless.

I was doing fine in my own home.

This is your own home, Fred. Your daughter

moved you here for your own good.

What does my daughter know?

I don't even know what's for my own good.

- How does she know?

- That'll be $9.80.

Do you got a ten?

I only carry big bills.

Fred. It's apartment 3-D.

What?!

So, Michael, do you think

that it looks better here,

or does it look better over here? So?

Did grandma look that pissed

off when she was young, too?

What happened to the car?

Were you guys going to ever

answer your cell phone?

- Where have you been?

- It took me two hours to convince him.

He didn't want to come. He's stubborn

as a mule. What happened to my car?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Come here. Come over here.

I left it with you for one hour, Lydia.

One hour. Look at this. Come here.

Are you out of your mind?

It is not your car.

- It's my car, too.

- Look at it.

- Oh, my God. Who did that?

- You've wrecked my car.

I left that car with you for one hour,

and look what happened.

- I'm Laverne. Nice to meet you.

- Who are you, exactly?

- Maybe just somebody passing by.

- It was an old lady in an orange car.

- What?

- What old lady?

Yeah, who is this woman?

Yes. That's Laverne.

I found her here, and it

turns out she's wonderful.

What do you mean you found her? The people

who lived here before, left her here?

Oh, no. Around here. She lives nearby.

Oh, okay. That means she's

going back home, now.

Well, yes, but maybe sometimes she'll

come back to keep you company.

"Come back". This is a home caregiver...

Sorry. No offense.

You wouldn't, by any chance, be confusing

me with some elderly, mental defective?

I can look after myself

very well, thank you,

but I cannot have a

random person in the house.

But Dad, you can't do

everything alone. I'll worry.

And I have to be stressed out

so you don't have to worry?

Sorry. I didn't mean to be offensive.

But I will not have that woman

wandering all over my house!

Oh, hey! Okay.

We'll send her away,

but you have to go tell her.

No problem.

Now, now, listen.

You look here, now.

I already quit my other job.

What am I supposed to do now?

Well, I don't... I mean...

- Don't tell me you're late.

- No, I'm on my way.

Mom, I postponed a meeting

at work to go in with you.

Oh, dear, sweet, wonderful son.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

I told you I can go by myself.

I know the whole deal by now.

- They know me there. I know them.

- Mom, I worry.

If I have a problem, I'll call you

and you can come and pick me up.

No, no. Not the books.

I'll do those, honest.

Well, that means I'm going to do it.

Now, look. Let's get one thing straight.

I'll stay off your back if you stay off mine.

Fine with me. What does

"stay off your back" mean to you?

Well, it means if you want

to keep working here,

anything my daughter tells

you to do, you don't do.

Well, I'm supposed to take

care of all your needs.

Cooking and cleaning, that's okay.

I don't like that much,

- but what else did she tell you to do?

- Make you take a walk in the morning,

- and again in the afternoon.

- Like a dog? That's not happening.

- And then...

- Then what?

To make sure you change

your underwear every day.

- Do you have children?

- Yes.

A baby girl. She lives in

Pittsburgh with my sister.

Yeah, no. I can't see that.

I haven't got my glasses.

Just enjoy her while she's still small

and hasn't picked some idiot to marry.

And that must not be touched.

Dad? Dad, I'm back.

Hi. Got pizza. And as of tomorrow,

you buy groceries, okay?

Well, you should really go for a walk

in the park, Dad. It's so beautiful.

- Are you feeling better now, Mom?

- No, I'm fine. I'm perfect.

I only called you because I knew

you were going to call me.

What's life without your mother?

Thank you, dear.

- Good evening.

- Good evening.

- Evening.

- Evening.

Come on. Move it, Mike.

There's something I want

to talk to you about.

Yes. Inside, first. Talk later.

I got the bank statement today,

and it shows a cash withdrawal.

What did you need that money for?

Oh, God, is it cold in here,

or is it me?

Don't change the subject, Mom.

I just want to know what you spent it on.

Oh, living. What else would

I spend it on, dear?

- We're talking about $2,000.

- Would you like the card back?

It's not what I'm saying. I just

want to know what you spent it on.

Well, are you going to stay for dinner?

- Because I...

- Answer me.

- What?

- You helping Alec out again?

No. Now, what has Alec got to do with it?

He's your younger brother.

You've always blamed him.

I think that I'd better get that.

I'm calling the police.

Not only did you damage our car,

but you threatened a minor.

Do you know that that's a felony?

Well, I've never even set

eyes on this particular minor.

- What's going on here?

- She's crazy.

I am certainly not crazy.

This afternoon... is she your mother?

- No.

- Yes. Yes, she is. Please, just...

This afternoon,

your mother rammed into our car,

and then she drove off without

leaving so much as a note.

Oh, well, that's ridiculous.

It's not true.

Oh, really? Okay, you have

an orange car, am I right?

- Well, no.

- Mom.

My son saw the whole thing.

Will you stop threatening my son?

Okay, ma'am, please just calm down.

My mother's an old lady.

I'll calm down once I get

her full insurance details.

- Okay. Mom, go get your insurance papers.

- No, I can't.

- Why not?

- Because I hadn't made the payment.

God.

Do you mean to tell me that you've

been driving around with no insurance?

- You could have killed somebody.

- But I didn't kill anyone.

- It's just a headlight.

- Two headlights, and a fender.

All right. Okay. I'll take care of this.

Just get an estimate, and give me a call.

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