Employee Of The Month

Yeah.

- Incoming.

- Here you go.

- Iqbal, order up!

- Hey!

Hey, did Humera get that promotion yet?

The boss is gonna think about it.

It's looking good.

Nice.

Lon. Lon. Lon!

Jimmy Buffett. Who?

Sleeping, buddy?

No, adjustmenting.

Crikey, is it time to close this b*tch

or what?

We got about another hour.

Lon, you ever thought about

getting the laser eye surgery?

They say only about one in 1,500 people

don't see results.

That's a risk I'm not willing to take.

See you.

- Mom, can I get this?

- No, honey, it's too expensive.

Please. But I really want this.

Actually that's 40% off. Open box policy.

- Today's your lucky day, buddy.

- Wow, tell him thank you.

Thank you.

- Hi, Zack.

- Hey. What's up, Semi?

My mom made you some blueberry muffins.

Oh, what a sweetheart.

That is where you get your charm from,

isn't it, Semi?

I guess so.

Damn it!

Not this month, Zack. Not this month.

Who's Anal?

It's anal, dumb-ass.

Anal? You do?

Since when are you in the business

of asking me questions?

This is cashier number one.

Tell Zack he's messed with the bull

one too many times.

The bull's in the china shop.

I am the bull, he is the china shop.

My uncle had a bull. Big cojones.

Jorge's uncle had a...

Do not speak to me when I am on-line.

Hey, man. Looks like you're in trouble, guy.

Let's just focus here, okay, Russell?

Let's look what we got here.

My dented deviled ham

for your crushed bread

and broken peanut-butter-and-jelly jars.

Wait a minute.

PB and J, that's like gold, man.

Deviled ham is almost a spiritual meal.

Okay, fine. You're on.

- Well, let's go then.

- Let's go.

- One, two, three!

- One, two, three!

- Paper covers rock! All me!

- Damn.

Cameron, bag up my stuff for me.

I'll take that.

- Now, that's not part of the deal, guy.

- Heads up.

It smells like ass.

He's so...

- Have you seen Zack?

- No?

Well, I bet if he were covered

in chocolate and had a nougat inside,

you'd know exactly where he were at.

- That your pen?

- I don't know.

- Well, where did you get it?

- I don't know.

- Who gave it to you?

- I don't know.

Is your name Semi because you're the size

of a huge Mack truck,

or because you're semi-retarded?

- I don't know.

- Idiot.

Attention Super Club shoppers.

We're closing in five minutes.

So if you could please

finish in five minutes, that would be great.

- There you are.

- You're in deep, homes.

- He does not do anal.

- That's too bad for you, Jorge.

Do you know what this is?

Yes. That is a 10-times-larger-than-life

replica of your penis.

Oh, that's hilarious.

I realize that you don't care about

your job, but I do.

And I want to thank you

for caring about my job, really.

My job, jerk-off.

You know, it's funny. For the past 10 years,

I've been climbing

the Super Club food chain, as planned.

But you, you haven't moved at all.

I'm almost at the top.

It goes manager, section manager,

head cashier, cashier, stocker,

clean-up crew, night clean-up guy,

and lastly, box boy.

- That's what you are.

- That's me.

Yeah. That's why you can't

come into the cashiers' lounge.

You know, after all this time,

you'd think you'd understand

that you're the lowest of the low.

Yeah, the lowest of the low.

Aren't you a box boy, too, Jorge?

Oh yeah, but he's my box boy.

Yeah, I'm his box boy.

Your love for him

concerns and confuses me.

You listen to me, jerk-off,

and you listen well.

- Chill, boss, it's Glen.

- Mr. Gary.

- Mr. Gary.

- Hey, what do you say, boss-man?

Good evening, gentlemen.

Meeting in 60 seconds,

and I've got big news.

Thanks for being prompt.

Well, we got the call from Corporate,

and it's official.

Today Vince broke

the check-stand speed record

and has been officially recognized

as the fastest in the southwest region.

Needless to say,

you've earned this one, Vince.

Dirk, go ahead. Put the star up.

Congratulations to Vince,

employee of the month

for 17 months in a row.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- He always wins.

As most of you know,

if Vince gets to number 18,

he'll go into the hall of fame,

he'll be put on

the fast track for management,

and he'll win a brand-newish

- Yeah!

- All right!

I realize that Vince has won

the last 17 in a row, but hey,

it's anybody's ball game.

And I like to encourage

everyone to compete.

A little extra effort could earn you a star.

It really could.

So grab a broom, help a lost customer,

pick up a spill.

Don't be afraid to go above and beyond.

I welcome all challengers.

"I welcome all challengers."

I am so proud of you.

Well, nobody has ever been to the magic 18

before, so this is a really big deal, people.

The store will close early on the 30th

for a special banquet award show.

Yeah.

Now, it'll be semi-formal and mandatory,

which means

church clothes, please, everyone.

- Mandatory?

- It'll be fun to dress up.

Corporate will be there and we need

everybody to be at your very best behavior.

- Sorry, sir.

- Why'd you do that?

Lastly, we'll have a new cashier

joining the team tomorrow.

- Her name is...

- Amy Renfroe.

Amy...

So please make her feel welcome.

Yeah, let's give her

a warm Super Club welcome.

- Super Club!

- Super Club!

- Yeah, Super Club.

- Super Club.

Thank you, Vince.

All right, everybody, be safe out there.

Now, don't forget to sign-up

for the softball game against Maxi-Mart,

'cause we need players.

How could you do that?

Hey, guy, we're headed over

to the Steaksmith for a drink. You in?

No. I'm having dinner

with the old lady tonight.

Need a lift?

No.

- Where's that beautiful lady of mine?

- Right in here. I'm on my last Scratcher.

Grandma, I think it's time that you invest

in something a little less speculative.

You really think I should take

financial advice from you?

One-nothing, Grandma.

What have we got here?

Okay, pay attention.

Where's it going? What's that?

Oh, Lean Pockets.

Somebody takes care of themselves.

Oh, well, now, I refuse to believe

that's not your natural hair color.

Oh, stop it!

Oh, that's a lot of lotion.

Somebody's gonna

pamper themselves tonight.

Maybe I will.

Your total is $69.60... Just kidding, $24.08.

Oh, gosh, did you get these

here at Super Club?

Oh, they smell wonderful. They really do.

Look at them.

Like moths around a dim yellow bulb.

Yeah, he's like Cirque du Soleil over there.

Oh, the Zumanity.

Anyone can do that. Anyone could do that.

Okay, and you've been

employee of the month how many times?

He's got a point.

Wait a second here.

You have no idea how much planning

and energy it takes

to keep such a low profile, okay?

It's practically an art, what I do.

- Zack, boxes needed at checkout four.

- I'm on it.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, what's up, Semi?

Do me a favor. Can you bring

some boxes over to checkout four?

Okay.

- Yeah.

- It's quite an art.

Now, that's art.

She is totally untouchable.

No, she's hot,

but every girl's got a vulnerable place.

Yeah, it's called the dingly.

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