Employee Of The Month Page #8

- I don't want the job back.

- What?

Turns out me getting fired

gave Humera the courage

to demand a promotion last night.

I'm a stay-at-home Daddy now.

Can you believe it?

I should be thanking you.

You know, Iqbal,

you said something the other day,

and you were right.

The universe has a plan.

I'm going to win that competition.

And I'm not going to do it

for employee of the month,

I'm not going to do it to beat Vince,

I'm not even going to do it for Amy.

I'm going to do it for myself.

For pride. But I need you guys.

Are you with me?

We never went anywhere.

Yeah, but wait a minute, Zack.

You just said you quit.

Yeah, that does pose a problem, doesn't it?

Hey, we got you covered, guy.

Nothing a little broken chocolate won't fix.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, watch it.

Nice wheels.

- I'll come back on one condition.

- Name it.

You give me full access

to the cashiers' lounge.

Done.

It's good to have you back.

It just feels right.

Okay.

Home slice.

You can do it, boss.

You know, we're like

shampoo and conditioner, you know.

We're like ham and cheese.

We're like bread and pumpernickel.

So, I heard about you and Zack.

I am so sorry.

The guys who cut corners

cannot be trusted.

But I want you to know something.

I'm willing to fight to save our relationship.

I hope you are, too, because I love you.

Face.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go defend your honor.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?

I have a sad announcement.

Zack Bradley quit this morning.

Yes! Come on!

So, it looks as if Vince is going to be...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

No, he already quit, you said.

And everyone heard and then...

Technically, the papers were never filed.

Oh, my goodness,

you sold yourself for a candy bar?

Is that true? Is he still employed?

How could you?

Put that chocolate bar down

and do your job.

Let's get this party started.

All right. Okay. Now we're talking.

It's a virtual tie for employee of the month.

Today's work will determine the winner.

Now, we've placed the exact same amount

of product in each cart,

along with a curveball or two.

Oh, it's gonna be fun.

So whoever has the fastest ring rate

will win it all.

Juan, give me the gun.

Give me that.

Listen, I know you have every reason

to hate me.

I lied, and I regret that,

because I was that slacker

who lived with his grandmother,

and had everybody do his job for him.

So I wanted to apologize

and I want to thank you.

Thank me?

Because if it wasn't for you, Amy,

I'd still be that guy.

All right, let's do this.

Put it back.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

I need somebody to box for me.

Okay, you know what? I'll do it.

Come on. Come on, dingle eyes, take a left.

Hey, man. Thanks, brother.

Okay, everyone, be safe out there.

Go!

- Let's go. Let's go.

- Come on. Go get him!

Wow.

Go, go, go.

Come on, Zack.

- Zack!

- You're doing a good job.

You're getting weak.

Tampon.

- All right! Way to go!

- You are fantastic.

Vince, there's one more item.

- Come on, let's go.

- Zack!

Watch out below!

- Jorge!

- What? What?

- Curveball.

- What to do?

No price-checking available!

- Come on, get out of there, dude, go.

- Come on, guys.

Come on, run, run.

Zack!

- Open-ended cart!

- What do you do? What do you do?

Come on!

Restock the shelves.

Be careful with the items.

Surrender!

Surrender, box boy.

- Come on, guys, come on.

- Yeah, yeah. You got it.

Curveball.

Old woman in need of assistance.

Bunion pads, please.

Yes! Yes!

Here we go! Back to the registers! Let's go.

And the tiebreaker goes to Vince Downey!

Now, that's teamwork.

Man, you did your best, dude.

Be proud. You did great.

It wasn't enough. I blew it.

- Excuse me, everybody. Excuse me.

- Well,

never in the history of Super Club

has anyone won employee of the month

But tonight, someone has.

The complaint box, please.

Just to make sure.

Sure. Sure.

Oh, there is something here.

- "Super Club blows."

- That was close, huh, Vince?

Our champion and winner

of a brand-newish Chevy Malibu,

Vince Downey. Downey! Downey! Downey!

Thank you. You are such an inspiration.

And all of you, the little people

that make Super Club

- the place it is.

- You're an ass.

You are the scaffolding on top of which

I stand so high right now.

And you, Zack,

you made it a race.

Thank you. But I won.

Excuse me, sir.

I think there's something you ought to see.

Okay, big 'uns, why don't you go kill

a couple of sandwiches there?

Go ahead, find your way back

to the desert cart and graze a little bit.

Not right now, Semi.

We're in the middle of something.

Surveillance footage

of the competition, sir.

We're in the middle of a celebration.

Okay, all right.

Well, he is very large.

This is unconventional. Listen.

But I just want to recap.

I did some amazing things today.

Sir, watch this.

That's the kind of speed that won me

the southwest regional competition.

I'm embarrassed, actually.

Sir, I'll rewind it again.

But this time, watch the oats.

- Well, what? I...

- Hold on.

- Look at this one.

- What?

Watch the oats.

He tampered with it.

I mean Zack clearly paid the retard.

It's a forgery.

- Am I seeing this correctly?

- You see, sir, he didn't rung it up.

Not only did he cheat

during the competition,

he's been giving away free stuff

all year long.

Absurd.

- You see, I got the tapes to prove it, sir.

- What a ridiculous allegation.

Sir. He's right, sir.

These are from the registers.

Same carts, same amount of items.

Different totals.

Vince Downey.

You're the fastest, all right.

Fastest criminal in the southwest.

Hey.

That's why they call you Semi.

Vince Downey, you are a disgrace to me

and to the Super Club chain!

I am not proud of you.

Get that scum out of here

before I kick his ass myself.

Yeah!

Ladies and gentlemen,

it looks like employee of the month

will go to the runner-up, Zack Bradley.

Yes! Yes! Congratulations.

You've won everything.

That is wonderful.

- Hold on, he's going in, he's going in.

- He's going.

Thank you.

- Listen, I just wanted...

- Listen, I just wanted...

- You go.

- You go.

Okay.

So does this mean

that you only go for the...

I guess you'll have to find out next month.

- Are they kissing?

- They're kissing.

- They're kissing, yeah.

- They're kissing.

- I love this song.

- It's the best.

So, Maxi-Mart really makes you wear

those things, huh, bro?

Maxi-Mart? No. Jorge, I am on probation.

I'm under house arrest.

I can't go more than a mile away

from my home and/or work.

It's cool though, I'm out.

I gotta hand it to you. The car looks tip-top.

It really is immaculate.

I know.

- Hey, can I take it for a spin?

- No.

- Well, can you give me a ride to...

- No.

How about a ride to the bus stop?

Absolutely.

Jorge, blinks mean it's the border.

No, are you going past...

All right, you got to let me out.

Jorge! Go back! Go back!

We're past the mile. God. Jorge!

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote