Encino Man

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[ Screaming ]

[ Screaming ]

- [ Car Alarms Wailing ]

- [ Dogs Barking ]

[ Panting ]

l hate those things.

Oh.

# Ooo-ooo

Ooo-ooo #

# Ooo-ooo

Ooo-ooo #

# Reality used to be

a friend of mine #

# Reality used to be

a friend of mine #

# May be why the question

that's on your mind #

# But reality used to be

a friend of mine #

-# Reality used to be a friend of mine #

-[ Barking ]

# Reality used to be

a friend of mine #

# Please don't ask me

'cause l don't know why #

# But reality used to be

a friend of mine #

# l used to be friends with reality #

# She used to be a pal

real close to me #

# But she tried to hide from me

what was in store #

[ Howling ]

[ Woman ] Stanley, is that--

Will you put that back ?

- Ummm.

- Put that back !

Hey, l just washed all this stuff.

- lt's my gear.

- Sorry, man.

- lt's okay.

- What's my mom screaming about ?

She's bummed

'cause l snaked your last bagel.

- Grab a shovel, man.

- No, l just wanna munch.

You don't wanna help,

that's just fine.

- [ Stoney ] Uh-huh.

- This is a total waste of time.

Dave, be more of a geek.

There's no way you're going to the prom.

- [ Girl ] You're a disease.

- Ahh.

- And no one will ever swim

in this stupid pool.

- Hey !

Later.

Look, David, please do me a favour

and stress less, bro.

High school is over, buddy.

Get into it.

We're losers.

l've decided something, Stoney. l wanna

look back on my high school career,

and think that l started slowly

but l finished strong, you know ?

High school's almost over and

l don't have anything to show for it.

l know, me neither.

You should be stoked though, buddy.

You got through the last four years

without the full-on melon tweekage.

lt's not enough. l mean,

l want my own page in the yearbook.

Jump off the gym, splatter on the street

and go for the co-ver.

lt's not funny. l'm not goin' down

as this geek kid from Encino.

When l finish this pool, l'm gonna

have the killer party after the prom.

l'm gonna be the prom king !

And l'm gonna graduate a legend.

[ Stoney ]

Well, what about me ?

Oh, well, you'll be there too.

Thanks, but Robyn Sweeney, she's not

goin' to the prom with you, man.

-l wish she would but she's not.

-What are you talkin' about ?

Robyn Sweeney is mine.

She's become a major babe

and she loves me.

- She finds you crusty, Dave.

- l'll convince her.

- She'll see the truth.

- Truth is...

life's about greasin' the do-back,

buddy, and weasin' on the buffest.

High school was interesting, right,

but it was kind of

like a harsh ride. O-o-o-ow.

We're goin' on to bigger

and better things, buddy.

Stoney, l am on to

bigger and better things.

Count on it !

[ Stoney Yelling ]

[ Stoney ] Oh, wow !

Hey, what's up ?

- # l'm a stoney crusty dude #

Did you know that ?

- Get out, dude.

- [ Stoney ] # l got a mop on top #

- Watch out !

Excuse me. Could you move. Me and

my friend, David, are comin' through.

- Hey, there's Robyn.

- Hey, Robyn. O-o-o-ow !

Four-wheelin' over the ferns.

Look, Dave, you're gonna have to mellow

out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing.

- She always shines ya.

- You don't understand. We have history.

You had pre-freshman history.

You could've had her back then.

She hadn't hit ""babehood"" yet.

Milk does a body good.

Check her.

[ Stoney ]

She's clean, buddy,

and he's got her.

[ Chuckles ]

Matt Wilson ?

What a jerk.

What does she see in him anyway ?

[ Stoney ] He's got the buff spikes

chillin' on top of his melon.

Dude, he's checkin' her cheeks. Ohh !

He's got the serious beak, his own

personal... oh ! holding company,

full of fundage, bro,

- that he weases off of ma--

- Jor.

- [ Stoney ] Eighteen inch bi's.

- Bye-bye.

Mine are only four.

Besides that.

He walks like this, right ?

- Just like this, the nugs fully loose.

- [ Bell Rings ]

[ lndistinct Chatter ]

Hi, Matt.

Hi, Matt.

All right, everybody.

Quiet, please.

Settle down, quiet.

We're gonna start this week's class...

same place we ended last week's class.

That's talking about prehistoric man

in the what ?

Prehistoric man in the-- ?

Oh, Stoney ?

- lce Age.

- Yes, lce Age. Right, the lce Age.

Why do we call it the lce Age ?

'Cause there was a lot of ice.

What do we call these big chunks of ice,

those big slabs of ice ?

- We called what? What do we call them?

- Glaciers.

Right. You are paying attention.

That's good.

These glaciers,

as they moved down our way,

they're so heavy, cold and thick

that they freeze the ground water...

- and they form underground-- ?

- Glaciers.

Right. Believe it or not, some

scientists believe there are actual...

underground glacial movements

still in this part of the world.

You know what l think that is,

class ?

- [ Class ] Lame !

- Exactly. Bunco, bogus.

Listen, please remember...

that most of this hemisphere,

including the ground l'm walking on,

all of this was under ice at some point,

so l guess...

finding something frozen,

dug up here or there,

wouldn't be that uncommon

when you think about it.

So moving right along

on your journey of knowledge,

- Let me show you Cro-Magnon Man.

- [ Girl ] Woo !

He's dope.

l'd go out with him.

- [ Class Laughing ]

- No, no.

l don't think so, Ella. Cro-Magnon Man,

even though he's not bad-lookin',

he's standin' upright and all,

he was extremely brutal.

He just took whatever he wanted...

and that included his women.

- That's barbaric !

- lndeed.

## [ Radio ]

Stone ! Stoney !

## [ Radio ]

- Hey ! Come on, check this out.

- That's my lobes.

Feel the ground, man.

Whoa, buddy, it's chillin'.

lt's not like chillin', chillin'.

- Bro, it is chillin' !

- l know. lt's cold !

lt's so, uh-- Help me.

Check it, buddy.

Oh, buddy !

- Dude, l know what this is, bro.

- What is it ?

- lt's a Mousterian bowl.

- No way !

Hey, come on, David.

Be careful with that.

What's a Mousterian bowl ?

A Mousterian bowl

from the Mousterian era.

""Prehistoric artifacts

for five hundred, Alex.""

Don't you ever watch ""Jeopardy"" ?

Buddy, this is kind of like

prehistoric Tupperware, bro.

lt's still preserved...

like Smuckers !

- Oooow !

- [ Barking ]

Earthquake !

Earthquake !

- Earthquake !

- [ Rumbling ]

Ahhhh !

Oh !

Oh, God !

Oh, God !

Nice save, Davage.

- Stone ?

- Yeah.

There's a guy buried in my pool.

[ Screaming ]

Hello, Fred.

l'm glad l caught you.

Are you available for a meeting

sometime this week ?

- Ms Morgan, open the door !

- Mom !

Mom, there's a guy

buried in our pool !

- Mom ! Mom !

- Open the door !

- [ lndistinct Yelling ]

- l'm working !

Call 9-1-1 !

Call 9-1-1 !

[ Scratching ]

[ Stoney ]

They never found Jim Morrison.

Yeah, or Jimmy Hoffa.

Or Jimmy Mahoney.

He was a kid l knew

in Cub Scouts.

Come on, let's go.

They never found him.

- David, l know what this is.

- What ?

- lt's a caveman.

- Would you please !

No, l'm serious.

No way !

Whoa. A caveman !

This is unbelievable!

Do you know what this could mean for us?

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