Encino Man Page #2

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This could mean--

This could mean fame or money !

Or popularity !

Far too much responsibility for me.

Anyways, l'm already popular.

Yeah, you travel

in large groups of one, Stoney.

Besides, this is my one chance

to make somethin' out of myself.

You gotta help me dig him out.

You were here. You're part of it.

l don't wanna be part of anything, Dave.

l'm happy just to be me.

lt could mean money.

You tellin' me you couldn't use

a, a new scooter ?

Some new bell-bottoms ?

A little fun-dage ?

Wease some older nugs

with a mansion and a pool ?

Soakin' up the rays,

watchin' all the ""Jeop-ardy""

you can handle ?

- That was the clincher.

- Everybody's got a price. Come on, man.

[ Lawn Mower Motor ]

Steady it !

Give it more gas, more gas !

Perfect ! Hold !

This thing weighs a ton.

Ahh !

Hey, there's his pits, bro.

[ David ]

That's his head.

That's his skull.

[ Snoring ]

Get off me !

- What are you doin' ?

- l don't like mornings.

Ow !

Come on, let's get up.

He's still in here.

No kidding, Dave.

He's an ice cube.

- We gotta thaw him out.

- Okay.

This has gotta be our secret, okay ?

You can't tell anybody... nobody !

- Can l tell Steve Kooser ?

- No one !

- All right ? Nobody ! You understand ?

- Yeah, zip...

- Thank you.

- Dee-do-dah.

- This is kind of nice.

- You were great.

- Hi, Robyn.

- Hi, Dave.

- Guess what l found ?

- A life ?

No. Come here.

Guess what l found ?

- l don't know. l have no idea.

- Guess ? Guess ?

- [ Whispering ] l found a caveman.

- A caveman ?

- Shh. Yeah.

- Oh, Dave, you're drowning.

lt's cool, right ?

l found a caveman.

All by myself.

l dug him out of my backyard.

- You wanna come check him out

after school ?

- Well, uh--

- l'm only invitin' a few people.

- l got that prom thing.

Ten minutes. Please ?

Dave, l just don't think

l'm ready to handle a--

a caveman.

You're not ?

All right.

l understand.

Bye, David.

[ Sighs ]

l love it when she calls me David.

- Hello, David.

- Agh.

Goin' somewhere ?

- Yeah, l got a date with your mom.

- That's not nice.

lt's a joke.

l'm sorry, just kidding.

[ Grunting ]

- You've been a headache

ever since the third grade.

- God !

l know about your stupid

prom-king bullshit. Forget it.

Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums

if your teeth were on fire.

- Yes, she would.

- [ Chuckling ]

Shush ! Hush, please !

Showin' your ignorance again, Morgan.

Some of us pump

and some of us slump.

You should try some pump, Morgan.

Might clear up your acne.

- You're so--

- Am l ?

N-no, stop.

Stop it !

Why do you make me do this ?

[ Dave ] What are you writing ?

Hey, what did you write ?

Matt, not the fire alarm !

Matt ! Matt !

- God, help ! Oh, God !

- [ Alarm Ringing ]

Hey, come here.

Oh, ta-ha-ha.

[ Laughing, Jeering ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Grunting ]

- [ Barking ]

- [ Barking ]

[ Helicopter Whirring ]

[ Screams ]

[ Glass Smashing ]

Hmm.

[ Truck Engine ]

[ Coughing ]

[ Engine Revving ]

[ Yelling ]

l'll be back.

# This is our philosophy

All these things can turn you free #

## [ Continues, lndistinct ]

# Now in this land of democracy

why no one sets the people free #

# Lady Liberty rocks away

No truth, no justice #

- # The American way ##

- [ Groans ]

# Clap your hands and dance #

# Treaty, oo-oh

Treaty, yeah #

# Treaty, oo-oh #

[ Gasping ]

He melted.

Dave, it just wasn't

meant to happen.

Come on, l'll go buy you some Ho-Hos.

Come on. lt's all right.

He melted.

Boris !

[ Alarm Sounding ]

[ Screaming ]

What the--

[ Sizzling ]

l can't believe it.

He's alive !

He was practically an ice cube...

practically.

- l say we just walk.

- No, no way !

- Oh, please.

- He is ours. We found him.

- What ?

- Be hospitable ?

[ Sniffing ]

- Ooh !

- Ahh ! Ahh !

How ya doin' ?

Hi, my name is Dave.

Come here, come here.

lntroduce yourself.

This is Stoney.

Stoney, he's my friend.

Uh, this is my room.

lt's okay.

lt's okay.

Uh, we're from Encino.

lt's a pleasure

to make your acquaintance.

- We hope you don't gnaw on our beaks.

- Shh.

l know what l'm doing, Stone.

We go to high school.

High school ?

He doesn't know

what high school is.

He doesn't know

what anything is.

Just be calm and easy.

- Calm... and easy.

- Hey, hi.

- [ Ringing ]

- [ Screaming ]

- Get the phone.

- Okay. Okay.

[ Caveman Laughing ]

lt's okay.

lt's okay.

See, l think he's calming down.

Calming... down.

[ Phone Beeping ]

[ Screaming ]

Ugh ?

Fire. Flameage.

- Buddy's into it.

- That was kill, Stone.

- Look at his eyes.

- He likes the blue part.

- He's glossy-eyed.

- Look, freak him out. Ow !

Ow ! Ooh !

- Ugh !

- Okay. Ah, ah !

- Give it to him.

- No !

Ugh. Ugh.

- Here, here. Look, here.

- You gotta teach him.

Whoa ! Oh.

Hey !

- No.

- No.

What ? Did you just--

- l think he just said ""no.""

- No !

- No ?

- No ! No !

No. No.

Cool, buddy.

He is so greasy !

Greasy ?

He's a prehistoric pyromaniac.

- We gotta teach him stuff.

- We'll teach him how to wease.

No. No.

- No !

- No ! No !

Oh, God.

We gotta teach him how to be normal.

No, uh-uh.

We're goin' psycho with him, bro.

That's boring, dude. Normal !

Stoney, come on, man.

Hang with me.

We gotta play this thing out.

lf we tell anyone, if anyone sees him,

they'll take him away from us.

They'll cut him up

into little pieces.

They'll take all the credit,

and we'll still be geeks.

l'm not a geek.

l'm a unique weasel, David.

l'm just underrated 'cause

l live here in Encino.

Bud ?

Buddy ?

- O-o-o-ow !

- Okay ?

He needs a bath... big time.

# l'm too sexy for my love #

# Too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me #

# l'm too sexy for my shirt #

# Too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts #

# And l'm too sexy for Milan #

# Too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan #

[ Growling ]

# l'm too sexy for your party #

# Too sexy for your party

No way l'm disco dancing #

# l'm too sexy for my love #

# Too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me #

# l'm too sexy for this song ##

- Standing O.

- Outstanding.

- lf l had a Bic, bro, right here.

- Don't freak him out.

- Let's show him himself.

- Okay.

You wanna see your mug, bud ?

Check it.

Ugh !

What, dude ?

You should be with your mug, bro.

You look buff.

Right ?

Hey, can you

say ""ba...uff"" ?

- Ba...uff ?

- [ Laughing ]

l like that.

You know, you pause too.

We gotta give him a cool name.

Axl. Yeah, buddy.

- Not Axl. This is serious.

- Okay.

We've got the missing link

standing in my bedroom.

Link ! Link !

We'll call him Link !

Okay, cool. Maybe we could call him

Stoney Number Two...

because he's got my same 'do...

and he's from the Stone Age.

- l like Link better.

- Okay, we'll call him Link.

- But can l call him Linkage ?

- Cool !

- Cool !

- Let's see how smart he is.

No, no.

Come here.

- Okay. Okay. You okay ?

- Uh.

Uh, uh, look.

- See ?

- Ugh. Ahh ?

- Whoa ! Aah !

- Whoa ! Aah !

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