Encino Man Page #3

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Ahh, oow, ooo.

Ooow !

[ Chuckling ]

Okay, okay.

Um, Link.

- Link.

- No !

You're Link.

l'm Dave. Dave !

Dave. Dave.

No, Dave, Dave.

Dave, Dave, Dave.

- Dave.

- Yes !

Okay, and that's--

- That's Stoney.

- Mm-hmm.

Sto...ney.

- No, no. Stoney.

- Stoney.

- Yes !

- Aah !

Okay, okay.

And now you are ?

Dave ! Aah !

No, no, l'm Dave.

You are ?

Buff.

[ Sighs ]

No.

- lt's all right. You've had a hard day.

- [ Car Horn Honking ]

- Your parents !

- My parents !

Okay, uh, uh, take him out back

and ring the doorbell three times.

- But, Dave--

- No ""buts,"" just do it !

Follow the weasel, Linkage, come on.

Quick, quick, quick.

- [ Banging, Crashing ]

- My kitchen !

Busted !

What are you doing ?

- What are you doing ?

- l'm cooking dinner.

- You're what ?

- Busted !

l'm cooking dinner.

l thought it might be a nice surprise.

They're surprised, all right.

[ Ringing ]

What is going on here ?

Where's the flour ?

l can't find the flour.

Hello, Stanley. Who is this strange boy

and why is he ringing my doorbell ?

- lt got stuck, sir.

- Come in. Meet your new family.

- [ Father ] Whose family ?

- [ Dog Barking ]

Boris, get down ! Boris !

- Boris, get out !

- [ Dave ] Get down !

- [ Link Screaming ]

- Get out, get out !

Hey, Dad.

- David, who is that ?

- Huh ?

That ? Who's that ?

- That was Linkavitch Chomofsky.

- What ?

Link... Linkav-- Doesn't anybody

in this house listen to anything l say ?

What is he talking about ?

Dad, Linkavitch Chomofsky.

Our exchange student ?

He's here.

He's gonna help us dig the pool.

- Yeah !

- [ Sighs ]

Why does none of this

sound familiar to me ?

l told you about this months ago,

remember ?

About school giving us extra credit for

college for housing exchange students,

and learning about their culture

and you said it was okay.

Now you're gonna take it back ?

No, no, no,

l'm not gonna take it back.

This is important to me.

This is my life.

lt's embarrassing.

He travelled here all the way from--

- l don't know, Estonia ?

- Yeah, Estonia !

Mom, come on.

You're not buying this ?

- Well, l--

- Dad ?

Actually, l, l, l think now...

that l, l, l do recall something.

- See ?

- See, it's about focusing.

-You're bogus.

-How could l forget something like this?

He's an exchange student.

He's going to be staying in our house.

You forgot me in the third grade.

l spent the entire night after

the play in the parking lot.

ln the sixth grade, the soccer ?

- Okay, where's he gonna stay ?

- [ Banging ]

And why is he attacking the dog ?

He's gonna stay in my room. He's not

attacking the dog. He's bonding.

- As if !

- Shut up !

- You shut up.

- No, everybody shut up.

- Larry, it's okay.

- l'm tired. l'm a little hungry.

lt's time we decide

what we're gonna make for dinner.

- l assume you'll be joining us ?

- You assume correctly, Mr M.

We practically feed

the entire neighbourhood.

Why not part of Estonia as well, huh ?

l always eat here

and l like your food.

- Great.

- [ Ringing ]

Stop it ! No.

- No, no, no.

- [ Rings ]

[ Dave ] l can't believe

you told my parents he's from Estonia.

[ Stoney ] Cow pyjamas ?

Those are kind of flaming.

Ooh !

- Some Betty, huh ?

- Betty.

Gonzangas.

- Gonzangas ?

- Buddy, cones.

l know you've had a big day, pal,

but tomorrow...

l'm gonna take you

someplace really special.

- Taco Bell.

- Better. Get the camera.

Congratulations, Link.

You're gonna be a senior.

Smile.

# Wild thing #

# You make my heart sing #

# You make everything groovy #

# Wild thing #

Oh, God,

he doesn't like that.

That's glass.

That hurts your beak.

Stand up straight.

[ Stoney ]

Poor Stone-Ager.

He spent a million years

chillin' in a block of ice.

Now he's gotta go

to high school ! Agh !

Who's that guy with

the dork squad ?

- Oh, my God, he is totally rude.

- Totally.

We have got a major find here.

This guy's our ticket

to fame and popularity.

All we gotta do is get him enrolled in

school and he'll help us become popular.

- That's harsh.

- We'll make him famous.

We'll teach him some stupid pet tricks

and get him on Letterman.

You're weasin' off his gig.

Oh, please !

He's a caveman, for God sakes.

Look at him.

He's practically a monkey.

We found him.

We can do whatever we want with him.

We, we, we ?

No, no, no. You, you, you.

l just wanna be his friend.

Fine.

Hello, Mrs Mackey.

And what do we have here ?

Now l'm covered

up to fourth period.

- l don't know what to do

with him after that.

- l can take him to Spanish.

- Will you be careful ?

- l'll be cool, man. l promise.

Okay.

What's he doin' ?

[ Dave ]

l don't know.

Link, be careful !

Uh, hey, hey--

Hey, Link, how's your melon, bud ?

[ Sniffing ]

Whoa !

Excuse me.

Hey, hey, hey !

- [ Grunting ]

- Whoa.

Link ?

ls this dude totally fundamental

or what ?

- Did you miss me ?

- Always.

- Who is this ?

- This is my friend, Link.

- Link.

- He's staying with us.

He's from Estonia.

You're kidding ?

This guy is staying with you ?

Uh-huh.

He's thinkin'

of becoming a hairdresser.

Designing crusty mops

for the rich and famous.

Oh.

Ugh. Gonzangas.

- No ! Bye, Robyn.

- Hey, hey, hey.

l think he was saying

he likes your cones.

l'm thrilled.

Get out of my face !

Robyn, that import is mine.

- This is just in time for prom.

- Yeah ?

- ls he fine or what ?

- l'm not sure.

- He's a looker !

- Link. Link !

Link, please, come sit down.

Who is this dipshit, anyway ?

His name's Link.

He's from Estonia

and l think he's jive.

Jive, yeah. You do ?

Hell, yeah,

and l'm not the only one.

Hey, Link !

[ Coughing ]

- [ Bell Ringing ]

- l'll see you next period.

- Watch him.

- All right, David.

We got Spanish now. Spanish

is like guacamole, chips and salsa.

La dia es mi en hermanos.

- The day is beautiful.

- ## [ Hip-Hop ]

The sun isn't shining

all through the night.

Link, come on.

Sorry, you guys.

Whoa !

Vale, repitan en espanol.

The cheese is old and moldy.

[ Class ]

El queso esta viejo y podrido.

[ Teacher ]

Where is the bathroom ?

Donde esta el sanitario ?

Donde esta el sanitario ?

- [ Teacher ] Good, once again.

- You're cute.

You're cute.

Meet me at Blades tonight.

Blades tonight.

- Yes, what ?

- You can drop him off

in front of Blades tonight, right ?

Can David and l go too, please ?

You smell.

Hey, ""seniorita.""

That hurt my lobes.

l didn't do it.

They started the whole thing.

Kashmir ? Rajneesh, is it ?

- How many minutes for the burrito ?

- [ Kashmir ] Two minutes.

- [ Rajneesh ] One minute.

- Two minutes !

Ah, make up your melons !

- ls it one or two ?

- [ Rajneesh ] One and a half minutes.

Okay.

Okay, my friend.

Try and experience...

- what l'm about to chirp

in your lobes, cool ?

- Hey.

We're going to discuss grindage.

How to fill the furnace, pack the cheeks

and stuff the gills. Okay ?

You're used to eating twigs, right ?

But here in the U.S. of A-age

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