Erik the Viking Page #5

THORHILD:

We'll have no one to do the things he did for us.

THORKATLA THE INDISCRETE

OR sharpen our knives and make our pans.

An awkward silence. The others all turn on her and frown - a bit of shin-kicking goes on. It's clear that Keitel is popular amongst the womenfolk. Erik doesn't notice.

ERIK:

You will have Keitel's assistant, Loki, to do all that.

WOMEN:

Loki? Eurrgh!

ERIK:

What's wrong with Loki? He's become very good at blacksmithing.

WOMEN:

Yes... but...

THORKATLA:

He's so small and...

The others all shush her up. More shin-kicking.

THORHILD:

(innocently)

Oh, yes... we've got Loki... That's true...

Cut to Loki leading his pony across a bleak landscape. He eventually stops and looks ahead. There stands a gibbet with two corpses dangling from it. He is nearing his destination. Cut back to Erik and his men getting into GOLDEN DRAGON. Erik notices Thorfinn and Sven quarrelling over Leif the Lucky.

ERIK:

Hey, you two! What's going on?

SVEN:

I was sitting there.

LEIF:

No, you weren't.

THORFINN:

Leif's sitting here. I need a bit of luck.

LEIF:

See.

SVEN:

Look, I bagged it last week.

ERIK:

It doesn't matter WHERE you sit!

SVEN:

Yes it does! We could be at sea for months.

ERIK:

Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING?

SVEN:

I don't want to have to sit next to Snorri all that time.

Sven nods towards Snorri the Miserable - an Eeyore of a Viking if ever there were one.

SNORRI:

Thank you VERY much indeed.

ERIK:

Now stop it!

SNORRI:

It's SO nice to feel wanted.

ERIK:

Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there...

SNORRI:

Trust me to get the missionary.

Suddenly Erik notices Sven's father climbing aboard.

ERIK:

What are YOU doing here?

SVEN'S DAD

You may need a real Berserk.

SVEN:

I AM one, Dad!

ERIK:

We haven't got a spare place.

IVAR:

He can have my place. I don't want to go anyway.

ERIK:

Well, you ARE!

KEITEL:

Bjorn's not. He could have Bjorn's place.

ERIK:

What's the matter with Bjorn?

THORFINN:

Nothing... Halfdan the Black chopped his hand off last night.

ERIK:

HE was lucky...

(to Sven's dad)

Sit there.

SNORRI:

You can't have Sven's father sitting next to Sven. They'll argue the whole time.

ERIK:

That's true.

(to Sven)

YOU'D better sit there.

(to Sven's dad)

You there, and Ornulf there.

SNORRI:

Now you've got all the big ones on one side.

Erik looks around. It is true that all the tall burly ones are on one side.

ERIK:

All right, you go there. You here...

Sven's dad and Ornulf swap places.

SVEN'S DAD

Ohh! I wanted to sit next to Leif.

ERIK:

Shut up. You there. You there and you there.

Ivar and Ornulf swap places. Erik surveys this re-arrangement.

ERIK:

That's better.

SNORRI:

Now you've got all the ones with beards on one side and all the moustaches on the other.

This is true. Erik thinks some moments and then:

ERIK:

It doesn't matter.

They start to haul the sail up. Ropes are released. The boat rocks. Suddenly a voice cuts through the crowd. It is Erik's mother.

ERIK'S MUM

Wait! Wait! Wait!

ERIK:

What is it?

(he is clearly a little embarrassed)

ERIK'S MUM

Here, son.

She tries to hand Erik what looks unmistakably like a pillow. Erik is dumbfounded.

ERIK'S MUM

Your father always made sure he could rest his head at night.

Erik is mortified. The others snigger, though not without some sympathy for Erik. They've ALL been embarrassed by their mums at one time or another.

ERIK:

I can't take THAT on a voyage!

ERIK'S MUM

It was your father's!

Erik will find it hard to refuse now. But he hesitates.

ERIK'S MUM

It was the pillow HE took with him. He said it once saved his life.

Erik reluctantly takes the precious object. His mother kisses him. Everyone has fallen silent now. The relatives stand helpless on the shore as GOLDEN DRAGON starts to drift away from them. The Vikings sit in their places, hands on the oars looking back at their loved ones. Erik stands at the prow of GOLDEN DRAGON. For a moment he thinks he sees the girl he killed, standing, white in death, the spear-wound still fresh. Erik raises his hand in a half-goodbye. We cut back to the loved ones, now the girl is no longer there. They too half-raise their hands. Erik suddenly turns and gives a shout:

ERIK:

Huuup!

The oars go up and then into the water, and GOLDEN DRAGON commences her voyage. Cut back to GOLDEN DRAGON at sea. Snorri is feeling queasy and gazing gloomily at the receding coastline of Norway. Thangbrand is sitting near him and feeling equally queasy.

SNORRI:

Have a good look... that's the last we'll see of old Norway.

Snorri is desperately trying to control his insides.

SNORRI:

Goodbye home... goodbye family... goodbye loved ones...

(he starts to throw up)

Goodbye lunch...

THANGBRAND:

Oh! Shut up.

Harald Missionary puts his arm around Snorri.

HARALD:

You know, my son, our lord said...

SNORRI:

YOUR lord.

HARALD:

Quite... MY lord... said: "The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick."

SNORRI:

I hope the Dragon of the North Sea gets YOU AND your lord.

Harald Missionary gives him a condescending smile and a weary shake of the head. He knows the Dragon of the North Sea does not exist.

HARALD:

Darkness and ignorance...

Meanwhile Ivar the Boneless and Sven the Berserk are both suffering from the effects of the sea.

SVEN:

(keeping a wave of nausea down)

It's not so bad when you're rowing.

THORFINN SKULL-SPLITTER

That's right

Thorfinn gobs onto the whetstone with which he is sharpening his axe. Sven can control himself no longer. He rushes for the side.

SVEN THE BERSERK

I want to die.

This sets off Ivar.

IVAR THE BONELESS

Uh oh!

He leaps up and pukes over the side. Mass puking breaks out all over the boat. Keitel Blacksmith looks around at his preoccupied shipmates, and it slowly dawns upon him that this might be the moment to try a little sabotage. He goes to the ship's lodestone, which is hanging from the mast. Keitel glances around. No one is looking, but this sort of covert behaviour goes against his normally sunny and open disposition.

KEITEL:

(to himself)

The Blacksmith's Code...

He steels himself, takes down the lodestone, snaps out the piece of metal in the base and throws it over the side. Keitel hangs it up again on the mast.

THORFINN:

Are you all right?

IVAR:

No, I'm not.

THORFINN:

You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know.

IVAR:

How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick?

THORFINN:

I mean many of the greatest sailors were.

Pause.

IVAR:

I know. I know.

THORFINN:

Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke.

IVAR:

Look! I don't feel BAD about it. I just feel ILL.

Thorfinn pauses and waits for a wave of nausea to creep up on Ivar.

THORFINN:

He used to puke in his sleep.

IVAR:

Bastard.

He throws up. Meanwhile Erik is in the stern, gazing out behind them.

ERIK:

Thorfinn... look over there.

Thorfinn leaves Ivar and joins Erik. On the horizon a sinister sail is following them. Thorfinn grins with evil pleasure. He scents a fight. Erik turns to the crew.

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