Erik the Viking Page #9

Horn Resounding and -

KING ARNULF:

You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you?

ERIK:

Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is...

KING ARNULF:

A lot of people like our singing.

ERIK:

I'm sure it's lovely.

KING ARNULF:

But you don't want to hear it.

ERIK:

(changing tack)

No... no...

(he looks at the others)

We'd love to hear it.

Wouldn't we?

VIKINGS:

Oh... yes.

KING ARNULF:

Well, you'll have to ask us REALLY nicely.

ERIK:

(realizing he has to be diplomatic)

Er... well... we... we... would be

TERRIBLY grateful if you... all... would sing for us.

KING ARNULF:

You're just saying that.

SVEN:

Well, of course he is!

SVEN'S DAD

Sh!

They restrain Sven.

ERIK:

Of course we're not; we'd genuinely like to hear you sing.

KING ARNULF:

REALLY?

ERIK:

Really.

KING ARNULF:

And you're not just saying it because you think we want you to?

Erik swallows hard.

ERIK:

No.

(He bites the lie)

KING ARNULF:

Right! Summon the musicians! We'll do the one that goes "TUM-

TUM-TUM-TUM-TI-TUM-TUM"

COURT:

(disappointed)

Oh...

CHAMBERLAIN:

REALLY?

KING ARNULF:

(apologetically to Vikings)

It isn't the one we're BEST at.

CHAMBERLAIN:

Couldn't we do the one that goes "TI-TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TUM"?

The rest of the court look hopeful.

KING ARNULF:

(whispering)

Not when we've got guests.

VOICE FROM COURT

How about the one that goes "TI-TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TI-TUM"?

KING ARNULF:

Don't be silly.

CHAMBERLAIN:

That was a stupid suggestion.

VOICE:

Sorry! I just thought they might like to hear something that we

can do.

ANOTHER:

Yes! At least we know that one.

YET ANOTHER VOICE

Nobody knows the "TUM-TUM-TUM-TUM-TI-TUM-TUM" one.

REST OF COURT:

No! Right! I agree!

ODD MAN OUT:

I do!

REST OF COURT:

Sh!

ANOTHER VOICE:

It's too difficult!

CHAMBERLAIN:

Sh!

KING ARNULF:

All right. We'll do the one that goes "TI-TUM-TI-TUM-TI-TUM-

TI-TI-TUM". Ah! The musicians!

The musicians are huge, unshaven, have broken noses and tattoos, and are covered in black oil - like mechanics. Their instruments are like heavy industrial machinery, pushed in large vats of black oil that drip all over the show.

KING ARNULF:

Right... Oh dear...

(he glances across at the Vikings)

I'm sure

you're not going to like this...

Erik and the others smile reassuringly. There is a lot of coughing. The King raises his baton and then brings it down, humming to himself as he does so. There is a most awful din; caterwauling, crashing and banging, whining, screaming... The Vikings look at each other, trying to pick out some tune, but it's impossible. Ivar the Boneless can't stop himself bursting out into giggles and this eventually spreads to the other Vikings. King Arnulf notices and bangs the throne for silence. Gradually the din stops. King Arnulf sinks down in despair.

KING ARNULF:

(tragically)

We're just not a very musical nation...

ERIK:

No, no... It was very... er, nice.

KING ARNULF:

Now I want you to be ABSOLUTELY, totally, genuinely honest with

me. Did you really, truly, honestly like it?

Erik thinks for some moments and then decides to make a clean breast of it.

ERIK:

No.

KING ARNULF:

(goes hysterically)

They didn't like it! Oh God! I want to die!

The whole court looks as if it's about to commit mass HARA-KIRI, while the musicians look rather dangerous. Erik takes the moment to get down to business.

ERIK:

Your Majesty! We come from a world where there IS no music.

where men live and die by the axe and by the sword...

KING ARNULF:

Well, how d'you think I feel?

ERIK:

The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf.

KING ARNULF:

YOU try to be nice to people, when they're rude about your

singing...

Erik feels he is making a mess of all this diplomacy.

ERIK:

We must find the Horn Resounding!

The King glares at Erik.

ERIK:

Is is HERE in Hy-Brasil?

King Arnulf thinks for a moment and then speaks.

KING ARNULF:

I'll tell you what...

ERIK:

Yes?

King Arnulf hesitates - he bites his lip and then takes the plunge.

KING ARNULF:

We'll do the one that goes "TUM-TUM-TUM-TUM-TI-TUM-TUM".

Perhaps you'll like that better.

Erik gives up. A lot of throat clearing. Aud, the King's daughter, gives Erik another dangerously slow wink. The terrible "music" starts up, shattering the calm of the beautiful city. Fade. Fade up on GOLDEN DRAGON now afloat once more, riding at anchor in the bay. Ivar is standing on guard in it. Suddenly he sees something that makes him gabe in horror. We don't find out what it is, however, because we immediately Cut to Erik. He is deeply in love. He is also in bed with the King's nubile daughter, Aud.

AUD:

Have you ever felt like this about anyone else?

ERIK:

What... you mean "got into bed with" them?

AUD:

No, of course not, silly - I mean FELT like this about the?

ERIK:

You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else?

AUD:

No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your

life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole

heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals...

whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams?

ERIK:

HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else?

AUD:

What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this

before...

ERIK:

It was different...

AUD:

(just for a moment it is Helga speaking)

What was she like?

ERIK:

Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well...

AUD:

But you LOVED her all the same...

ERIK:

We never went to bed together.

AUD:

Why do you go on about that? What does it matter?

ERIK:

You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you?

AUD:

I've never LOVED anybody!

ERIK:

I'VE never been to bed with anybody!

Suddenly there is a banging on he door.

KING ARNULF:

(v/o)

Open up! I know you're in there!

AUD:

Ah! It's my father!

KING ARNULF (v/o)

Open up! I know you're in there!

Suddenly the note from Ivar's horn rings out across from the bay. Erik rushes to the window and looks out to see what Ivar saw previously: a black ship approaching on the horizon.

ERIK:

Oh, no! Halfdan!

There is more banging on the bedroom door.

KING ARNULF (v/o)

Aud! You've got someone in there again, haven't you?

Erik gives her a sharp look.

AUD:

Quick! Throw this over you!

She throws a shabby bit of cloth over Erik and at that moment the door bursts open, and King Arnulf enters.

KING ARNULF:

Right! Where is he?

AUD:

Who, Father?

KING ARNULF:

Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course!

AUD:

There IS no one.

The King starts prowling round the chamber. Erik stands there, naked and petrified, with the cloak hanging over his head, just where it landed.

KING ARNULF:

I can SMELL one of those strangers... That's who it is, isn't

it?

Aud keeps mum.

KING ARNULF:

This is the fifth one this week.

Before he can stop himself, Erik blurts out:

ERIK:

Fifth...

Aud motions him to be quiet, but it's too late. The King spins round to see who she is signalling to. The King appears to be looking straight at Erik. Erik can hardly bear the suspense.

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