Erik the Viking Page #8

IVAR:

I don'T want to die!

HARALD MISSIONARY

Isn't there ANYBODY who'd like to be christened before we go down?

Silence. A distinct lack of enthusiasm.

HARALD:

It can't do you any HARM...

SVEN'S DAD

What do we have to do?

HARALD:

Nothing... I just immerse you in water...

THORFINN AND OTHERS

Get lost...

The ship creaks and starts to go under. Erik picks his up his sword. The others follow suit.

ERIK:

Don't let me drown, Thorfinn!

Water starts to pour over the sides of the boat. Erik and Thorfinn raise their swords to each other.

THORFINN:

Till we meet in Valhalla.

They all prepare to run each other through. The boat sinks rapidly.

IVAR THE BONELESS

I'm too young! Oh Odin! Not me! Please not me! Perhaps I'd rather drown...

HARALD MISSIONARY

I do WISH you'd let me convert you.

Then Erik pauses in his attempt to kill Thorfinn and looks around. The ship has sunk, but the prow and the stern posts are still sticking up out of the water, and the Vikings themselves are only up to their chests.

ERIK:

How deep IS the ocean?

THORFINN:

Very deep... usually...

The realization gradually dawns on the Vikings that they're not going to sink any more.

ERIK:

Wait! Nobody kill anybody!

Fade. Fade up on the sun shining down from a blue sky. The Vikings have fallen asleep where we last saw them - up to their necks in water. Gradually the warmth of the sun coaxes them awake - Thorfinn is the first to look up and see the brilliant shining orb in the sky.

THORFINN:

What is it?

IVAR THE BONELESS

(he panics and turns)

It's the Dragon again!

ERIK:

No.. no, it isn't...

Ivar has turned and is staring at something else.

ERIK:

Look, the sky is blue...

SVEN'S DAD

The sun! That's it!

Ivar, meanwhile, is recovering from the amazement that has immobilized him. He taps Erik on the shoulder. Erik turns and he, too, gasps.

ERIK:

Look!

They all turn to see they are standing in the shallow waters of a natural harbour. Above nestle the white walls of a beautiful city set in a green and pleasant land.

VIKINGS:

Yeaaaah!

The Vikings wade ashore, enchanted by the paradise they see before them. All at once Thorfinn spies something. He draws his sword and they all approach with caution to find that under a weeping willow tree lies the most beautiful girl. She is raven-haired, scantily dressed and fast asleep. The Vikings approach her with trepidation, their swords and axes drawn. They glance around uneasily.

SNORRI:

(whispers)

She's got no clothes on!

THORFINN:

It's disgusting.

ERIK:

Get her weapons.

Sven kneels quietly beside the girl. She stirs. Sven freezes. The others look around fearfully.

SVEN:

(whispers)

She hasn't got any.

ERIK:

(incredulous)

She MUST have a knife or something...

But they look. She hasn't.

THORFINN:

What kind of place IS this?

IVAR THE BONELESS

P... p...perhaps they've got weapons we haven't even dreamed of...

Suddenly the girl stirs again in her sleep. The Vikings retreat several paces and grip their weapons, and glance around as if expecting an ambush.

THORFINN:

Let's hack her to pieces.

ERIK:

No.

KEITEL:

Well, what else do we do?

ERIK:

How about making friends?

SVEN:

(with disgust)

"FRIENDS"?

VIKINGS:

Eurrgh!

ERIK:

What's wrong with making friends?

THORFINN:

You don't go through all the hardships of an ocean voyage to make "friends".

SVEN:

We can make "friends" at home...

This conversation has woken the girl, Aud.

AUD:

Welcome!

The Vikings react with terror, take a step back and raise their swords and axes.

ERIK:

WHAT did you say?

AUD:

I said welcome.

ERIK:

(suspiciously)

WELCOME?

AUD:

Well, of course. We always welcome friends.

The Vikings look at each other and at their swords. They don't think they look that much like friends themselves.

ERIK:

How d'you KNOW we're "friends"?

AUD:

Well, EVERYONE is friends here on Hy-Brasil.

SVEN:

Hy-Brasil?

ERIK:

Is THIS Hy-Brasil?

AUD:

Well, of course.

The Vikings erupt into an impromptu dance of joy, hugging each other and waving their swords in the air.

AUD:

Please! Please! What are those?

ERIK:

What are what?

AUD:

Those things in your hands.

ERIK:

These? What are THESE? They're swords.

Aud instantly recoils with terror.

AUD:

Oh no! NO! Out them down! PUT THEM DOWN!

The Vikings gradually cease their mock battles and turn to look at Aud with incredulity.

ERIK:

What's the matter?

AUD:

PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing!

ERIK:

What?

AUD:

Put them down!

(To Erik)

PLEASE make them put them down.

THORFINN:

Why?

OTHERS:

Yes, why?

AUD:

WHY?

ERIK:

Yes.

AUD:

But surely you know...?

VIKINGS:

Er... n... no...

ERIK:

Know what?

Cut to big close-up of King Arnulf.

KING ARNULF:

The wonderful blessing under which we live here on Hy-Brasil!

The king beams. The Vikings shift uneasily. They look out of place and extremely scruffy in the midst of the scantily dressed courtiers of Hy-Brasil. Aud sits beside her father the King.

ERIK:

No... we don't...

KING ARNULF:

The Gods decreed that if ever sword spills human blood upon these shores, the whole of Hy-Brasil will sink beneath the waves.

King Arnulf beams rapturously at the Vikings, expecting them to be overjoyed. Instead they are horrified.

THORFINN:

That's terrible!

ERIK:

You mean if just ONE PERSON gets killed?

KING ARNULF:

Yes!

(He thinks:
isn't it wonderful?)

The Vikings look at each other, feeling they haven't quite understood.

THORFINN:

You mean... you can't kill ANYBODY?

KING ARNULF:

Right! Isn't it wonderful?

The Vikings are non-plussed.

THORFINN:

What? Not being able to kill anybody?

KING ARNULF:

(bemused)

Well, of course.

ERIK:

(interested)

How?

KING ARNULF:

(explaining the obvious)

Well... for a start... er... there's no killing...

ERIK:

Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing.

KING ARNULF:

Well...

(isn't it great?)

THORFINN:

But how d'you take revenge?

KEITEL:

(guiltily)

How do you punish people?

IVAR:

How do you DEFEND yourselves?

KING ARNULF:

(getting a little irritated)

We don't have to. We're all terribly

nice to each other. Aren't we?

COURT:

Yes!

Aud catches Erik's eye and gives him a dangerously slow wink. A pause of disbelief from the Vikings.

SVEN:

ALL the time?

KING ARNULF:

Well, of course! We HAVE to be.

He turns and conducts the courtiers, who chant in unison:

COURT:

"Being nice to each other is what it's all about."

KING ARNULF:

(rising as if to sing)

You see?

We're terribly nice to each other

We're friendly bold and free.

We never say anything nasty

'Cause we dare not...

COURT:

(almost SINGING)

No sirreeeee!

They hold the note while King Arnulf looks anxiously at the Vikings.

KING ARNULF:

Would you like us o sing to you?

ERIK:

That's very kind of you, but we're in rather a hurry...

We're...

King Arnulf claps and the court stop singing.

KING ARNULF:

What's the matter, don't you WANT to hear our singing?

ERIK:

Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the

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