Ernest Goes to Camp

[Crickets chirp, owl hoots]

[Drums beating]

[Chanting]

[Drumming and chanting

continue]

[Wind whistling]

[Wind whistling]

[Drumming and chanting

continue]

[Wind whistling]

[Drumming and chanting stop]

[Shouts

in native language]

[Shouts

in native language]

[Metal rattling]

"Safety first"...

that's my motto.

When one is doing

dangerous work,

one must pay careful attention

to the safety of one's body,

know what I mean?

Aah.

But one day,

I'll be a camp counselor,

and I'll be running this place.

I'll be shaping and molding

youthful minds

into a focused worldview.

Yep.

Ernest P. Worrell,

camp counselor,

an extraordinary thing

to witness.

[Gasping]

Aah!

[Crash]

[Grunting]

Ugh! Ugh!

[Engine stops]

[Birds chirping]

Aah!

[Breathing heavily]

[Engine rumbling]

E-e-e-e-e-w.

[Grunts, water gurgles]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

[Grunting]

[Water gurgling]

[Straining]

[Water gurgling]

Ah heh heh heh heh

heh heh heh heh heh heh.

[Porcelain creaking]

[Toilet flushes]

Aaaaah!

[Boys cheering]

Okay, off the bus!

Off the bus!

Come on! Let's go!

Let's go! Let's go!

Get a line.

Get a line going.

Get a line going.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Move quick. Move it.

Let's go, gentlemen!

Let's go!

Move it out!

Hey, fellas.

Welcome to Kamp Kikakee.

I've got everything fixed up

for you at the cabins,

know what I mean?

Well, look who's here, huh?

Just like old times, huh?

Yeah.

Remember all the fun

we had last summer?

Hey, let's start things off

right. What do you say?

Mm-hmm.

[Laughter]

My ha...

My ha...

my... ha...

my hand... hands!

You got a bad attitude,

son.

Let's go! Let's go!

Move it!

Let's go! Let's go!

[Boys shouting indistinctly]

Straighten up these lines.

Come on. Let's go.

Men...

Welcome to another great summer

here at Kamp Kikakee!

[Boys cheering]

Right here

on this very ground,

Indians once tested

their young braves

and taught them the ways

of the forest.

And right here, you'll be

tested and taught, too,

just as they were hundreds

of years ago...

swimming...

fire building, cooking,

camping...

archery,

wilderness survival.

For those of you who accept

the challenge,

there'll be a ceremony

of the blade... the stone...

and the arrow.

All right, guys...

Let's go!

[Boys cheering]

Man:
Hup!

Hup!

Hup! Hup!

Hup! And up!

All right, hit the deck...

push-ups.

Crank out 10.

Ready...

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Five!

Six!

Seven!

Nine...

Morning, Ernest.

Oh, hi, Miss St. Cloud.

Um...

The sun rides high...

in... its path...

across the heavens.

Where... is the red...

chaise lounge?

Ernest, what I

came down here for is...

You know, engineering

your lifeguard stand

is an important business.

You have got to figure

your angles just right.

Course, I won't always be

fixin' things around here.

One day I will be

a full-fledged counselor.

I have learned all the steps

in the path of the brave,

I have memorized

the handbook,

and I learned

the Kikakee sign language.

If only they'd give a fella

a chance.

I'm sure they will,

Ernest.

Nuh-uh.

But the real reason

I'm here

is to see if you've gotten

all your shots.

[Chuckles]

Shots?

[Chuckles] Yeah...

Okay.

How's that grandfather

of yours nowadays?

I haven't seen him around

lately.

Oh, he's out at his place.

I worry about him sometimes.

He's so old.

But these woods are

his home.

Yeah, he's a wise man.

[Chuckles]

Doesn't believe in

modern things like... shots.

[Chuckles]

That's right.

He lives by the old ways.

In fact, he thinks I'm

wasting time studying medicine.

Shouldn't you, uh,

have a little more practice

before you go around

stickin' needles in people?

[Chuckles]

I've had lots of practice.

If I keep doing it,

I might even get good at it.

[Pop]

[Swallows]

See? A... cold, wet nose.

Color's good.

[Sniffs]

No fever.

[Chuckles]

Come on, now, Ernest.

You know this isn't

going to hurt...

much.

I can take it,

Miss St. Cloud.

Real men can take it,

and I'm a real man...

a man with a hearty smile,

a stout back...

with grit in his teeth

and nails in his knuckles,

a man who has never

tasted quiche...

Is that

your smallest needle?

I did it!

I took the Lindbergh baby!

I am Josef Mengele!

Owwwwww!

[Papers rustling]

Well, as you men know,

our camp's been selected

by the governor's staff

to take part in his, uh, program

for disadvantaged youngsters.

He calls it, uh,

"Operation:
Second Chance."

Some camps have

all the luck.

And I just got notification that

the second-chancers are gonna be

ready to be picked up today,

and I wanted you guys

to be prepared for it.

Better hide

your wallets.

Yeah, and get out

your brass knuckles.

We're already short-handed.

How are we gonna handle

those delinquents?

Oh, they're not

delinquents.

They're just boys from

a bit rougher environment

than most of us.

You mean

underage criminals.

No, they're not.

They're all residents of

the State Institute For Boys,

but they're not criminals.

Stennis, I'm gonna let you

be their counselor.

Why do I get stuck

with them?

Because you've got

the most experience.

Besides, after you get

to know those boys...

Oh, I'm not gonna take

any crap off of them.

If they get out of line,

I'm gonna knock 'em back in.

Ross, Ross...

listen to me.

Just do the best

you can.

If you can't handle it,

- [Bones crack]

we'll have no choice.

We'll have to send them back.

Oh, I can handle 'em

all right.

Yeah, a little discipline is

probably just what they need.

Uh, Ernest,

will you take the bus over

and get those

second-chancers for me?

[Creaking]

Aah!

[Thud, glass breaking]

[Engine rumbling]

Bad luck and me,

we are old friends

Dealt me the losing hand

once again

Now I'm doin' time,

and time ain't kind

Sun comes up,

but it don't ever shine

Boy, I can't wait

to get outta here.

Anyplace is better

than this dump.

Shut up, you two.

Last warning...

you get out of line,

and you don't go.

Ooh.

[Engine revs, brakes squeak]

Man:

All boys in Section 6,

report immediately

to the exercise yard.

Hi, fellas.

of learnin' the ways

of the forest

and the path of the brave

and that sort of thing?

If you ask me,

this second-chance stuff

is a total waste of time,

Mister, uh...

Oh, uh, Worrell...

Ernest P. Worrell.

I don't envy whoever

has to look after

this bunch of punks.

They're trouble

all the way.

My motto is,

"I never met a bad kid."

Then let me introduce you

to some.

These misfits were selected

by their ward officers

as those most in need

of help.

This is the ringleader,

Bobby Wayne.

He's been in and out

of institutions like this

since he was 11.

Since I was 9.

And this is Crutchfield,

12 years old

and already a master thief.

It's like a gift

or somethin'

Well, thanks.

Uh, here's Danny Simpson.

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