Ernest Goes to Jail Page #5

you'd open that gate.

I have a car overheating

as we speak.

Okay, okay!

Lets open the east gate!

There, now are you satisfied?

I'll tell your mother

how her son has improved

despite his shaded and

somewhat checkered past.

The doctor told me I'd

only have to wear these

until after the surgery.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

- - Ernest,

since you're part of the night family

here at the bank,

I'm gonna show you

something new.

You see that?

That is only to be used during an

officer-in-distress situation.

Do you understand?

Which, I might add,

we hope will be

few and far between.

What could happen in a quiet,

little bank like this?

Eh... will you take

the edge off, Bobby?

I mean... Hey, Bobby! If

I was going by the book,

I wouldn't have said anything,

but its only Ernest!

Ha ha ha!

He... Bobby!

Well, Mr. Nash,

how's our special prisoner?

Just fine, thanks.

Of course, the place

could be a little homier.

Maybe some curtains...

I don't

need nothin' from nobody.

I especially don't need nothin'

from no lousy screws.

Tough guy... right to the end,

huh, Nash?

Just about 24 hours to go.

Well, yeah, whats it

to you, warden?

Besides, I'll be getting

out of here soon.

Yeah, you'll be getting out

all right...

horizontally.

Man:
Close cellblock "C."

Did you hear that?

I'll be getting out in 24 hours.

You just have to know

how to talk to these people.

Don't worry, Rubin,

I'll put in a good word for you, too.

Mr. P.

Mr. P.

Can I talk...

wait, wait.

Hey, can I... can I talk

to you for just one second?

What is it now?

Lets go this way, please.

Mr. P., I want to talk

to you about laser beams...

little bundles of light

that can actually trigger

a high-tech, state-of-the-art

security device.

Bobby... please.

So?

Whats the matter with it?

Pbht! Nothin'!

Thats the beauty of it.

Now, Mr. P., could I just have your

attention this way, please, sir?

Please, Mr. P.,

come this way.

Ohh.

Oooh.

Space-age plastics

at work for you, Mr. P.

Its invisible, tasteless,

odorless, colorless.

And the best news yet, sir...

its bulletproof.

Bobby, if you... please!

No!

Uhhhh.

Uh, y...

Its got a few bugs

there, Mr. P.,

but you get

the basic idea, right?

Help me get this off of him.

Mr. P.'s a very rich

and busy man.

Ernest:
24 hours, Lyle.

I'm outta here in 24 hours,

and, boy, am I ever glad.

This hasn't been

a really bad experience, though.

I mean, the food's good,

and I met a lot of new friends.

But now I'm ready to go back

to my job and my dog.

You know, I got a feeling

everything's gonna turn out

all right from now on.

You know, Lyle, its really

good to be alive.

Whats bothering him?

Ernest, I can't believe this.

This place is spotless.

I am so proud of you.

Has the value of pride

diminished?

What?

Well, the last time

you were proud of me,

I got a kiss.

Mr. Pendlesmythe: Ernest, I

want to see you in my office.

Well, Ernest, you've made

a drastic improvement

in your job performance.

And so I've decided to take

Miss Sparrow's recommendation.

You'll be joining us

working days as a bank clerk.

So, Ernest, do you have

anything to say?

Mr. Pendlesmythe: You idiot!

You smashed my golf trophy!

Get out of here!

Gosh, Mr. Pendlesmythe,

does this mean

I don't get the job?

"Don't get the job"?

I may have you shot!

Ernest...

Did you see his face?

You didn't do that on purpose?

He'll get over it.

Ernest, what has gotten

into you?

Look, we got to talk.

Okay.

How 'bout tonight?

But it'll have to be early.

Why?

You have a lot to clean?

Yeah.

Tonight I'm gonna clean out

the whole place.

Man:
Open C-12.

Warden:
Nash, your lawyer's

got something to tell you.

I'm afraid I've got

some bad news, Mr. Nash.

Our last appeal was turned down.

It was our final hope.

I'm afraid there's nothing

more we can do.

Come on, Nash.

Lets go.

Go? Go where?

You're going to the row.

The row?

Well, whats that?

As in death.

You know, death row.

Oh, well...

death row?!

You mean like the chair?

The hot seat?

Dead meat, deep six,

its over, pal,

you're outta here, bub,

the groundhogs are bringing

your mail,

you're picking turnips

with a stepladder,

like the no-tomorrow row,

that kind of row?

Oh, no. The row?!

Uh, but, uh...

You've got to tell them

who I am, fellas.

I'm Ernest P. Worrell.

I'm not Nash.

I'm Ernest.

Zip it up, Nash.

Get him outta here.

Warden, you're gonna feel

terrible

when you find out what

a big mistake you made.

And, you, pal, you're not

getting any more of my business.

I'm not Nash, I tell you.

I'm Ernest.

I'm Ernest P. Worrell.

Close "C" block.

Come in.

Two hearts

racing toward love...

Two lips trembling...

Ernest, this

wasn't what I expected.

Its, um, i-its different.

Have a drink.

Oh. Okay, sure.

Why not?

Uh, sit down. Make yourself

more comfortable.

... Burning in the night...

A toast... to

the successful completion

of all of tonights endeavors.

To a long and happy life.

I'm up for that.

Um, Ernest, I-I didn't

come here to have...

I was... just wanted

to speak to you

about what happened

at the bank today.

We can talk later.

Ernest.

Ernest, stop it!

What has gotten into you?!

- Stop it!

Get off me!

Get away from me,

you mangy little mutt!

You are slimers,

P. Worrell!

Here, you little rat ball.

So its come to this.

A pointless, miserable end

to a shallow, meaningless life.

But its as it should be.

Its the hand I've been dealt,

and I have to play it

as it lays.

Oh, I'm not going to cry

because life's thrown me

a curve.

I'm... I'm not going to whine

because I got mashed potatoes

when French fries

is what I really wanted.

Its time for me to...

step up to the plate,

belly up to the bar!

Its time for me to look fate

square in the eye,

flare my nostrils,

breathe life's last breath!

Its time for me to lie down

with lions

so I can soar with the eagles!

All right!

I'm ready!

Come and get me!

Lets do it!

Come on, Nash.

Its time.

I don't wanna die.

Is it fixed yet?

No.

Would you like a cigarette

or a blindfold or something?

No, I'm afraid of the dark,

and cigarettes will kill you.

Maybe a few last words.

Nash, take it like a man.

But I'm not Nash.

I'm Ernest.

"And what is an Ernest?"

You might ask.

A man with a past rich in both

history and tradition.

Should we punish this man

for crimes he did not commit?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Can't you speed things up?

Okay, okay.

Such a man should be

set... free.

Oh!

Hit the alarm!

Run for it!

Lets go!

Whats wrong with the door?!

Whoa!

Thanks, Nash!

Man:
There's been a breach

in security.

All guards

to your emergency stations.

Hey, whats going on here?!

All prisoners,

return to your cells.

Return to your...

Lets go, Lyle.

Get outta my way!

There he is!

Stop him! Fire!

All:
Aaahhhhh!

Come on!

Get outta here!

Come on!

Lets go! Lets go! Lets go!

Cut him down now!

It worked before.

All:
Aaahh!

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