Ernest Saves Christmas Page #7

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[ Pop ]

[ Groan ]

Good night. | Merry Christmas.

Ah, you're the last one out.

Well, everyone else | has families to go home to.

I volunteered to stay late.

- Merry Christmas. | - Merry Christmas.

[ Announcer ] | The 6:;40 to Miami, arriving on time.

[ Girl ] Momma, | how does Santa carry all his presents?

- [ Mother ] In his sack. | - [ Girl ] How do they all fit?

[ Mother ] I don't know. | Maybe it's some sort of magic.

You don't still believe | in that stuff, do you?

Well, there you go. | I messed things up, like always.

Only now, I messed up Christmas | for everybody.

My favorite time of year,

and I blew it!

If Santa were here,

he'd know what to do.

Yeah? | What would he do?

[ Grunt, Grunt ]

[ Snap ]

I've got it!

Uh-oh, | Big Red ain't going to like this.

I see no need | to beat around the bush. | We know why we're here.

Joe, we want you | to do the picture.

We all do.

Right guys?

These reflect the figures | that we discussed.

Keep in mind, this kind of film | usually generates sequels.

''Christmas Slay 2, 3, 4. ''

Great. It's great.

Look, before we sign,

I need to go over | a few problems...

I have with the script.

Problems?

Can't we do something | about the violence and bad language?

Who do you think you are?

You can't dictate changes to me.

You're not some big star.

You've done a chump kid show | all your life.

It got canceled.

All you know | is ''please''and ''thank you. ''

Get with it. | This is the real world!

[ Snort, Snort ]

[ Ernest ] | Okay, fasten your seat belts.

Put your tray tables | and seat backs in their...

full, upright | and locked positions.

It's time to | slip the surly bonds of Earth...

and dance the skies | on laughter's silvered wings.

Oh, brother.

Okay, giddy up.

[ Snort ]

American 2-6-5, | you are clear to taxi.

I got an Eastern L-1 0-1 1 | holding on ramp four.

What?

Airport Security,

I have an unauthorized vehicle | on runway 2-7 left.

Anchors aweigh?

Ah, may the force | be with you.

[ Sirens ]

Now, Dasher!

Now, Dancer.!

Now, Prancer! | Now, Vixen!

On, Comet! | On, Cupid!

On, Donder.!

Uh, Squeaky. | Uh, Squish.

Dopey, Grumpy--

Blister.

Blitzen.!

That's good. | Blitzen!

Oh-h-h!

[ Squeals ]

[ Screams ]

He's going to kill us!

Don't you worry, | my little gherkin buddies.

The vehicle ain't been made | that I can't drive.

Ah-h-h!

[ Screams And Squeals ]

[ Ernest ] | I need oxygen.

Ah-h-h!

It's going west!

No, south.

He's all over the screen.

[ Screams ]

Hit the altitude limiter switch, bozo!

Altitude limiter switch.

Is that it?

The brake, bozo! | The brake!

Yeah, the brake.

Oh! Oh!

Ah-h-h! | Ah-h-h!

Ah-h-h!

[ Screams ]

We're all gonna die!

[ Screams ]

So, did you ever find your sack?

Yes.

It was taken again.

By whom?

A little girl called Pamela Trenton.

Shy,

always afraid to sit | on Santa's knee,

always wondering | if his beard were real.

Smart, though.

Quick-witted.

I wonder what happened...

to that girl, anyway.

[ Santa ] I wonder | if there's any of that little girl left.

Unless, at age 51 , | you have any better offers,

and I'm sure you don't, | I suggest you sign this,

and we get back to making movies.

[Jingle,Jingle ]

Now, have we got a deal?

We're family here, right, Marty?

- We're making things work, right? | - Right.

Joe, what is with you?

[Jingle ]

It's him.

I'm him.

Who's him?

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Joe, where are you going?

[ Ernest ] | I told you I could fly this thing. | Piece of cake.

Level it out, bubble-head!

That can't be one of our boys, can it?

No, sir.

I don't know what it is.

Guess we better scramble 'em.

[ Siren ]

Bogey at 9:
00!

Uh-oh, hard ball!

Target entering red zone.

If they enter | Cape Canaveral airspace,

terminate with extreme prejudice.

[ Elf] | They're getting closer.

[ Ernest ] | All passengers return to your seats.

[ Elf] | Incoming.! Incoming.!

[ As John Wayne ] | Well, hang onto your lederhosen, | razor ears.

We're going to drop under their radar.

[ Elf] | Let me at him.!

- I'm going to kill him! | - Not yet, we're going down!

[ Screams ]

Ho, ho, ho! | Merry Christmas!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I've lost him, sir.

Check your equipment.

They couldn't vanish!

[ Train Horn ]

But if Santa goes to our old house--

I forgot something. | I'll be right back.

Stop talking about it. | There's no Santa Claus.

Where do you get off? | Don't say that to her.

There is a Santa | and this is his magic sack.

If that's Santa's sack, | why do you have it?

[ Announcer ] | Announcing the arrival | of the 6:;40 Christmas Express--

[ Ernest ] This is your pilot. | We're experiencing turbulence.

What's this?

[ Screams ]

Come on!

You know,

I haven't believed | in Santa Claus since--

January 1 7, 1 931 .

Your smart-aleck sister | thought it was time...

you learned | the quote unquote truth.

I'm so sorry you got busted.

[ Chuckles ] | Oh!

[Jingle ]

Welcome back,

Pamela.

I'm sorry.

I never doubted | you'd do the right thing.

Really?

Heh.

Just a little bit of doubt.

I just got to thinking about you...

and Ernest,

and just a whole bunch of things.

I think I really got things figured out.

I even called my mom,

and I'm going home.

I'm sure she was worried about you.

Yeah, especially when I told her | who I was with.

Ha! Ha!

I told you | I could handle this baby.

We're not going to make it!

Don't worry, we'll make it.

I have lived my life | in the fast lane.

Know what I mean?

Don't touch that!

What's the problem?

Ah-h-h!

It's Joe.

You came.

Yeah. | The job still open?

For the right man, it is.

Nice threads.!

How do I look?

Like the real thing.

You look wonderful,Joe.

Oh, Santa.

Well,

I guess I better get going.

You probably need this.

I hope you know how it works, | 'cause nobody else does.

By the way, | my name's Harmony Starr.

No it's not. | It's Pamela Trenton;

1 72 4 Hampton Avenue, | Bloomington, Indiana.

How did I know that?

You'll find you know a lot of things.

Oh, my goodness, | 3 minutes to 7:00.

Where's the sleigh?

The sleigh?

I thought you had it.

[ Chuckles ]

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

[ Elf] | Pull the stick.!

Ah-h-h!

You told me if I became Santa,

I could perform miracles.

Were you kidding | or was that real?

Oh, no. | It's real, all right,

but I'm not sure | what you can do about this;

Ernest, the sleigh, | and all that.

And yet,

maybe there is | something you can do.

I met a very nice fellow | at the airport...

who said he wanted snow | for Christmas.

[ Sigh ]

Let's give it a try.

Can he really do that?

If anybody can.

[ Howling Wind ]

What's going on?

Christmas is going on.

[ Chuckles ]

It really feels like Christmas.

This is great!

[ Harmony ] | It's snowing in Orlando. | I can't believe it.

I don't care if it's Christmas eve.

We close the deal tonight | or not at all.

It's snowing;

just like home.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Look, it's Christmas eve.

Why don't you go home | and stay with your family?

We'll settle the deal later,

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