Ernest Scared Stupid Page #2

This place is just screaming for drapes.

Don't worry about the

Ottomans. They're just wussies.

They're all talk.

I knew an Ottoman eagle scout.

He got a merit badge

in wholesale slaughter.

Aah!

Come on, Ottomans! Take a piece of me!

What we need... is the high ground.

The high ground is

no good without trees.

Friends, Romans, Botswanians,

lend me your tree.

There ain't no trees in Botswana.

Unh-unh. I know.

I am a Botswanian lumberjack,

and I ain't never had a job.

We need dress shields.

You need the high ground

to keep away from us

'cause... 'Cause we're the Ottomans!

Aah!

Ernest, I know! I

know! What we need is...

a treehouse!

I thought we needed dress shields.

Ernest!

Direct hit. Way to go, Ernest.

Do you smell fish?

The first step in

treehouse construction,

which I'll refer to as "step one,"

is tree selection.

With the right tree,

we can build an impregnant fortress

armed with nuclear rays,

disintegrator beams,

and all the latest electronic technology

to afford us a safe haven

against advancing hordes

as well as offering truly

elegant country living

in rustic surroundings.

Nah. Too much bass.

This one's nice.

Ah heh. Too many termites. Ah heh.

This looks like a good one.

Inhabited.

Oh, jeez.

What's the big idea? A tree is a tree.

We've got to find one big

enough to keep the Ottomans out.

The Ottomans?

Don't ask.

Oo-o-o-o-o-o-h!

This is neat!

Go on!

It's okay. Go on!

Go on!

I don't like this.

Well, I didn't see any poison ivy.

The worst thing that could happen

would be Dutch elm blight,

and none of us are Dutch.

Remember, if any of us get separated,

there's an old pioneer

way of finding north...

the bark always grows

on the outside of a tree.

Is he serious?

I'm afraid so.

This is it!

The foundation of the high ground...

tree of the stars!

This is a tree to die for.

Come on, kids. This'll be fun.

I've been collecting

this stuff for years.

Well, I guess we got to give it a try.

No guts, no glory.

Yes, just as the journey of 1,000

miles begins with a single step,

a treehouse begins with a single nail.

Observe.

Here he shall be buried,

and this oak tree will seal his fate.

Its roots will be his prison,

which must never be disturbed.

Return this evil from whence it came.

Ahhhhh!

One treehouse... under construction.

Crank 'er up.

All right. This is really working.

This is great!

All right, Joey. Over here.

- Another wall coming up.

- Good work.

One more side to go.

This is really looking great.

The spirits are loose again.

Who would dare enter here?

- All right! We did it!

- Yeah!

This is really neat.

This is your high ground.

I felt it! I felt it!

Heaven help us!

The signs showed me...

the sun, the moon, the stars...

oh, horror will once more walk among us.

The nightmare will begin again.

Well, it's not the greatest

treehouse in the world,

but I wouldn't call

it a nightmare, either.

Worrell!

What have you done?! What

have you done to the tree?

A whole world of trees, and

you had to pick this one!

Well, we didn't know this was your land,

or we would've asked if it was okay.

It will open the ancient door

and all that lurks inside!

Flee this evil place!

Flee!

Old Lady Hackmore!

Wow! I thought she never

went out of her house.

Probably some simple misunderstanding.

Maybe I should go and

have a talk with her.

They will return...

Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We're not really on your

place, more like above it.

- Couldn't we talk air rights?

- Get away. Get away.

- That was spooky.

- Yeah.

Come on. I think they went this way.

Yeah. They got to be

around here somewhere.

It's the Murdocks!

All right. Battle stations.

Let's see how this baby works

under actual field conditions!

Let's go!

Time to get even.

Tearing up this place will be major fun.

Yeah. I wonder where the wimps are.

- Get down!

- Watch this!

I've got 'em in my sights...

lock and load...

and... fire.

Aah!

Load me up.

Ammunition coming in...

pepperoni and cheese.

More ammo, Rimshot. Good boy!

Let's go!

Fire.

Fire three! Got him!

Bingo!

Chicken liver comin' up.

Now!

Way to go, Joey!

Ugh!

That's delivery, boys!

Aah!

Aah!

Direct hit!

Ew! A pizza mess!

Binder, this isn't the end of this!

Yeah.

They're on the run!

And no collateral damage, either.

All right! That was great!

Halt! Who goes there?

Uh, don't shoot. Don't shoot.

I'm on your side.

Sorry, Ernest. I guess we're

still a little bit jumpy.

Guess what happened.

The Murdocks came by.

But they never had a chance.

Yeah, and the Botswanians kicked butt.

Told you.

Hey, Ernest, what was Mrs.

Hackmore going on about?

Oh, she still believes

in trolls and magic spells

and things like that.

Trolls? Like hide under

bridges and eat little girls?

Cut it out, dork.

It's like the legend of Trantor.

Elizabeth, get a life.

Just because you write a report about it

doesn't mean it comes true.

She told me about this troll

that had red, glowing eyes

and walks like this.

And if he ever gets loose,

he'll go after the children first.

And he turns them into

little wooden dolls,

which gives him his power.

And that ugly little

rascal is still alive...

down there.

But...

He can only be awakened

on the night before Halloween...

Like tonight.

...when a Worrell...

Like you.

...places his hand on a

tree... like this... and says,

"Yea, I call thee forth, Trantor. "

But what are the chances

of that happening?

Looks like some rain!

Wouldn't be safe here!

Uh, hey, wait a minute,

fellas. Wait. Hold on.

Hey, guys, wait for me!

Hurry, Elizabeth! Hurry!

Let's go!

Hey, everybody, where are you going?

Can't you see I'm up here all...

Alone?

Easy, Rimshot.

Easy, boy.

There's nothing to be afraid of. After

all, we've got the... high ground.

Yeah. Good suggestion, Rimshot.

Why didn't I think of that?

Why don't we go on home? How 'bout it?

Aah!

Boy, I sure hope you're from Keebler!

You better back off! You

don't want to fight me!

I know tai chi, kung fu, Shao-lin.

I saw Hulkamania three

times, once in slow-mo!

Back off! Oh, don't kill me!

Don't kill me! I don't want to die!

All right. Civilization.

See you, guys. I'm already

late, and my mom's gonna kill me.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm out of here, too.

Later, dudes. See y'all tomorrow.

Aah!

Somebody help me! Help... anyone!

Help!

Somebody! Ernest!

Help!

Kenny! Elizabeth! Where are you?

Oh, no! Oh, help! Come on!

Hey, I got ya.

Thanks, Ernest. You saved me.

I thought I was a goner.

A-a-a-a-a-a-ah!

Sheriff!

Sheriff Binder!

Sheriff!

Sheriff Binder! Open up!

Aah! Sheriff Binder, open up, please!

Help!

It was a monster! It was awful!

The tree and the lightning and...

and it had great, big teeth

and things on its ears like this

and its head was at least

this big and about this long...

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ernest, slow down. What happened?

Ernest, do you know what time it is?

Maybe Old Lady Hackmore was

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