Escape from Cannibal Farm

1

My Bethany,

how could she live

with this guilt?

His facial mutilation

broke her soul

and it wasn't long 'til she

was gone, fled to the woods.

She couldn't take

the pain anymore.

I tried to stop her.

But it was too late.

Do you want me

to call her again?

No.

Kathy what did I

say about phones?

I only brought it

for emergencies.

I have an emergency

phone, put it away.

I'm having that later.

You're taking this phone

thing way too far Wesley.

They increase stress.

They're dirtier than a toilet

seat, they have E. Coli.

No they don't have E. Coli.

They emit radiation

that gives you

headaches and brain tumors.

I mean do you want a

brain tumor Katherine?

- No Wesley.

- Good.

I don't want to hear a beep

or a buzz this whole weekend.

I just want fresh country

air and beautiful scenery

and to be away from

traffic and shops

and f***ing television.

And to spend time

with the family.

If they ever show up.

- Mom.

- Oh.

Jessica sweetheart how are you?

- Kurtis hi.

- Hi.

- Hey Wesley.

- You're six minutes late.

Lovely to see this

handsome young chap again.

How are you Kurtis?

I'm very well thanks Kathy.

Oh good gracious do you need

a hand with all that stuff?

Wesley can help.

You do know it's just

one weekend Jessica.

What the bloody hell

have you got in there?

We're fine thanks.

Just chuck it in the back

wherever there's space.

Don't chuck it.

Oh say hello to your brothers.

- Jessie.

- Hey Sam.

Come here.

- Hi Sam.

- Hi.

You remember Kurtis.

Toby say hi to your sister.

- Hi to your sister.

- Hi Toby.

I see you haven't changed dick.

I thought uni might've

made you grow up a bit.

Well it was going great

'til I had to come

back for this sh*t.

Toby no S word please,

not around your brother.

Toby can Kurtis

maybe sit there?

He doesn't like facing sideways.

- I get carsick.

- I shotgunned it.

I backside it

Well I'd apologize but I'm

not allowed to use the S word.

Everybody

in back there?

- Yeah.

- Yes.

Seat belts on?

No 'cause there aren't any.

I've got snacks in the

shelf above for the journey.

Fruit, water.

- Can we just go?

- Yes Wesley dear.

Toby.

- Toby.

- What?

What you letting him watch?

I'm not letting

him watch anything.

He doesn't have to look.

Well alright what are

you watching then?

Sewage Baby Massacre.

You really think that's

appropriate for a 10 year old?

I've been watching this

stuff since I was like five.

And look how great

your turned out.

Oh freaking hell Sam

it smells like you've had

a Sewage Baby Massacre

in your pants.

Whoever smelt it dealt it.

Seriously though

someone sharted.

Shut up Toby, turn it off.

Sam likes it, he's

learning self defense.

And new swear words.

And how to mash someone's

skull in with a sledge hammer.

No, no more.

- Get off.

- Hey I was watching that.

Toby you can't let

him watch that.

Stop being such a

p*ssy little b*tch.

Toby watch your

language please.

Did you just call

me a little b*tch?

Called you a p*ssy

little b*tch.

Please stop using that word.

What b*tch?

The P word.

P*ssy is not a swear word.

As long as they

referring to you.

- F*** off.

- Toby that's enough.

I will not have

swearing on this trip.

For heaven's sake

there's no need.

Wesley swears all the time.

Yeah well I'm an adult.

I can do and say what

the f*** I like.

So, I'm 18.

Well then perhaps you

can start behaving like it.

What's p*ssy?

It's a rude word for a cat.

Hmm I thought it

meant a vagina.

Why did you let them

bring that video thing?

It's a long trip,

they get bored.

Well I'm bored of

hearing them argue over it.

Why can't they just talk?

That's what I did

when I was a kid.

Do you know Sam's gonna end

up turning out like Toby.

Like what?

Socially retarded.

Don't say that

Wesley, you're wrong.

He's just got onto a

very desirable course.

My money's got him onto a

desirable course you mean.

I think we might be lost.

Huh?

This road, it's

not on the map.

Katherine please I

know where we are.

Would it really do any harm

to stop someone and

ask for directions?

We're in the middle

of nowhere Kathy

there's no one to ask.

Do you know what a tom tom is?

It was invented for this reason.

Isn't that what you

and little girls wear

when you're practicing ballet

in front of the bedroom mirror?

I'm sorry, who invited

Cuntis on this trip, anyone?

Toby don't be a sh*t.

S word!

What did you call me, Cuntis?

Well that's your

name isn't it, Cuntis?

Mom how much further?

I'm not sure love, we're lost.

Oh here, pull over and ask.

Oh no Kathy you never stop

to speak to the creepy old

guy by the side of the road.

Oh I'll talk to him Wesley.

I said no.

Just stop for one second.

Kathy do you want to

be raped and mutilated?

Wesley.

Excuse me hello there.

We're a little lost.

We were wondering if

you could help us?

You want a bit

of my apple cider?

Oh that's kind but no thanks.

We're driving.

I mix it good and tasty mind.

Done it all me self down

here on our farm.

Grow the old apples and all.

Oh that's lovely.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

I pressed it in a presser.

Boiled 'em up.

I collected the apples

down the river.

We don't want cider,

we're not interested.

We're just looking for the old

Hansen Farm, do you know it?

You ain't here

to drink my cider?

I'm afraid not.

Oh that's alright.

I'll bet you just want lemonade.

You like lemonade.

I've got a little

old lemonade tree

'round the back of them

hay bales where.

Pickled the lemonade

myself didn't I?

Do you make it look and

smell like piss intentionally

or does that happen by accident?

We have a fridge with plenty

of food and drink to

last the whole weekend.

If you could just point us in

the direction of that farm.

The Hansen Farm?

I knows it.

Just down that hill there.

Follow the old ground

and you.

Thank you.

That your family back there?

This is my wife

Kathy and her family.

Is that your little

boy back there?

That's my stepson Sam.

Hi Sammy.

Sure your cute little boy

don't want some of my lemonade?

I can make it for him.

I make it proper

good and tasty like.

Go Wesley, just drive, go.

Oh yes.

Oh smell that fresh country air.

Smells like cow sh*t.

Oh my ass is numb.

It's hurting my lungs.

Would it have killed you

to just buy some cider?

Right, nobody come 'round

back I'm taking a piss.

He probably only gets

like one customer a day.

Toby there's a toilet inside.

One a week.

It's very pretty here Wesley.

Well at least somebody

appreciates the countryside.

Right ladies your job

is to pitch the tent

right over there

while us men head out and

get some wood for a fire.

Come on Daniels you're

coming with me.

Aren't you gonna

wait for Toby?

I said

us men.

Sam can't you leave

me alone while I piss?

Sam.

Sam.

What are you doing?

Look.

What is that?

Finders keepers.

Oh don't touch old sh*t,

it could be possessed.

Possessed?

Yeah you know like that

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