Escape Room

---

1

F***!

Okay.

What the f***?

What the... what the f***?

What the f***?

What the f***?!

In the next hour,

two candidates are in a tight race

heading into the Iowa Caucus.

An update on the Colorado

missing persons case

we've been covering all week.

Five people were found dead today

in a warehouse outside Wheat Ridge,

a Denver suburb.

In a public statement,

investigators stated

they were all killed

in "a ritualistic manner".

And finally, controversial celebrity

news magazine Pop Now

has filed for bankrupt.

In other news,

the weather this weekend looks terrible.

What'd you get me?

What did I get you? /

Yeah, what'd you get me?

You'll see. / Is it lacy and frilly?

I'm intrigued.

Do you know how you always

leave your stuff in my bathroom?

Yeah, you hate it.

Do you know why I hate it?

Because it's girls' stuff

and it's not a girl's bathroom.

But it could be.

We should talk about it.

We should talk about it...

After this long, completely

avoiding the subject.

Sure.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Deal?

Deal. / Hey?

Yeah? / Shake.

All right. / Deal.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Nice doing business with you.

Thank you.

Big brother! / Hi.

Hi! You look great.

He really cleans up, doesn't he? / Yeah!

Finally! / Birthday boy! Hey!

Happy birthday! Oh.

Yeah! Hey, there he is.

/ Sorry, everyone.

My fault.

My keen instinct told me

you would all be here,

so naturally I had to change

to dress down to your level.

Ha ha. / So selfless,

even on your birthday.

You're welcome. / Yeah.

Well, we've been

celebrating without you.

Mm. / Mm. Hey, bud, one more bottle.

My wife ordered

for you already. Halibut.

Prime filet. Rare.

Hmm.

Crab. / Yes.

Burger with side of Brussels. / Mm-hmm.

Chicken piccata.

Salmon, no mushrooms.

And Hadlee.

Says she's filled up on bread,

but ends up picking

at everyone else's food.

I thought we'd all like to share.

Are we really that predictable?

Not predictable...

Committed. / Mm.

Insane people are committed,

or sell art at my gallery.

We are steadfast.

Or stubborn.

How does it feel to be old?

I asked him the same thing.

How old am I again? / You're old.

So old.

Old enough to know what you want.

What do you want for your birthday?

A toast. / Yes, a toast.

To my... / No, not your toast.

It's not your toast.

It's okay. / I'm still drinking.

I thought it was just a silly clich,

but you are living proof

that things really

do get better with age.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Babe?

I'm so thankful to celebrate

your birthday with you,

and I'm looking forward

to many, many more.

Hey, sweet.

Cheers. / Cheers.

Cheers.

Mm.

Oh! / What's this?

I thought no presents

'til tomorrow's brunch.

Yeah.

I guess we're not all

predictable after all.

You guys got him presents?

Yeah, it's his birthday.

What?

Escape room? / Yep.

Yeah. / What is that?

You're locked in a room

until you solve a series

of puzzles to get out.

And you've only got one hour.

No, that sounds horrible.

That sounds really fun.

I've heard it's the latest craze.

Remember that, um, secret mask thing,

the Macbeth thing in New York last year?

That wasn't an escape room. / I know.

I'm just saying it's the latest

underground thing.

They're popping up everywhere.

I think Shakespeare in any

form is so f***ing boring.

Yeah. / I agree with you.

This won't be.

I promise.

What happens if we

don't figure it out in time?

We're trapped.

Forever.

It's a challenge.

A test of intelligence.

Hmm.

All right, I'm in.

Where is this room?

The mystery is part of the game.

Ooo, exciting!

So how do we get there?

I've arranged everything.

I just need you to play along.

How did you / Oh!

come up with something so adventurous?

Excuse me!

What, are you surprised?

Very surprised.

Good. Happy birthday.

Let's get drunk.

Really, it's not necessary.

/ No, I'm just kidding.

This is us.

Oh! / Oooh!

This is how to party. / Yes.

Damn. / I want to come.

Babe, we were so specific

about reservations.

If we could ever get ahold of you...

Ugh, I'm so unlucky.

No, honey, you're just a wild card.

Goodbye. / Come on, beautiful.

It won't be the same without you, kid.

At least I already have plans.

Do you want me to call you a cab?

I'll get a ride.

You guys have fun.

How you gonna get home?

/ Oh, I'm not going home.

This girl's got a sexy party to go to.

Sexy party.

Ay, ay!

Trouble. / Yeah.

Oh, my God, that's good.

Look at the...

Oh, look who decided to come in!

Hey, buddy, there you are!

What's up? / Happy birthday, man!

Happy birthday!

I love this stuff. / I know.

This is amazing.

Thank you.

Oh, don't thank me yet.

Oh, come on. / Okay, guys.

Gonna need your cell phones, please.

Um...

Hell no.

Yes.

Can't have you looking up

how to solve a puzzle.

No help from anyone.

Uh...

There's no lifelines in this game?

Come on! / No.

For an hour?

Come on, what's the big deal?

As birthday ambassador,

I order all of you

to relinquish your phones.

Thank you.

Hey, you know what?

F*** it.

Hand 'em over. / Here you go.

Thank you. / Here.

As you wish, birthday ambassador.

All righty. One more.

What? / It's everyone or no one.

Fine.

Proud of you, Anderson.

F*** off.

Ouch. / Why is he so mean to me?

I love him and he's so mean to me.

All right, guys, I'm also

going to need your wallets,

your purses, anything else

in your pockets.

F***.

All you can take with you are your wits.

And there's insurance

on this game and all, right?

I take full responsibility

for everything. / Okay.

Thank you, Conrad. / You're welcome.

All righty. Got it? / Nice.

Happy birthday.

Yeah!

Whoo!

Does anybody know how long

we've been driving for?

How could we,

when we can't see anything?

Let's just ask the driver.

Maybe it's not supposed to open.

It's all part of it.

Christen, how'd you find this place?

They're everywhere.

Hiding in plain sight.

What, is there an escape room app?

You just tap and sign up? What?

The Uber of entrapment games?

No, no app. No nothing on the Internet.

Well, then how'd you find it?

I got this.

What is that?

An invitation.

It's cute.

Yeah, but the question is, who sent it?

I don't know.

But I know with all the research

I've been doing on escape rooms,

my name got on some list,

and this ended up in my mailbox.

It's Morse code.

It spells G-A-M-E.

Game.

Oh!

What? / Oh.

Huh.

All right, that is cool.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Legit.

Oh.

Oh, what the f*** was that?

We're here.

You've got to be kidding me.

It's all part of the game.

Kinky.

Well, I'm too buzzed to care

at this point anyway, so...

I'm so nervous. / I got this, babe.

Ugh.

I'm so ready.

All right. Let's do this.

There's a team player. / Whoo-hoo!

Ow! Ha ha! / Lock hands, everyone.

I don't want to lose you

when I lead you out.

Whoo!

Yeah! This is awesome.

Whoo-hoo!

You're not wearing one?

Somebody's got to be in charge.

Isn't that cheating?

I don't cheat.

But it's all part of the game.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes