Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Page #9

Joel is at the bar, trying to get the bartender's attention.

Joel is paying the bartender. He turns with the drink to

head back to the table. He sees Clementine flirting with a

man in Joel's seat.

Joel is at the table. Clementine looks from her

conversation.

CLEMENTINE (CONT'D)

Joel, this is Mark. He likes my b*obs.

He came over special to tell me that.

Isn't that nice. He doesn't think I'm

fat.

The scene starts to fade. Mark rises.

MARK:

I didn't know she was with someone, man.

CLEMENTINE:

S'okay, Mark. Joel doesn't like my

b*obs.

(stage whisper)

I don't think he likes girls.

The bar gets quiet and vague.

JOEL:

You're drunk.

CLEMENTINE:

You're a whiz kid. So perceptive, so --

Clementine keeps talking but there are no more intelligible

words, just a whisper -- like a breeze.

A doorbell buzzes. Joel looks up.

INT. JOEL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Patrick opens the door. Mary stands there in a winter coat,

carrying a backpack.

MARY:

(coolly)

Oh, hey, Patrick.

PATRICK:

Hi, Mary. How's it going?

She walks past him.

STAN:

Hey, you.

Stan and Mary kiss. She looks down at Joel as she takes off

her coat.

MARY:

It's freezing out.

STAN:

You found us okay?

MARY:

Yeah.

(re:
Joel)

Poor guy.

(looking around)

Have anything to drink?

STAN:

We haven't checked.

MARY:

Well, allow me to do the honors. It's

f***ing freezing and I need something.

She heads into the kitchen. Stan turns back to monitor the

slivers of light.

PATRICK:

Mary hates me. I've never been popular

with the ladies.

STAN:

Maybe if you stopped stealing their

panties.

PATRICK:

(guilty beat)

Okay, There's more, Stan --

Stan looks over at Patrick. Mary returns with a bottle of

scotch and two glasses.

MARY:

Hey, hey.

She pours the whiskey.

MARY (CONT'D)

Oh, Patrick, you didn't want any, did

you?

PATRICK:

Nah, I don't know.

Mary hands a glass to Stan. She holds hers up in a toast.

MARY:

Blessed are the forgetful, for they get

the better even of their blunders.

Mary and Stan click glasses.

MARY (CONT'D)

Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found

it my Bartletts.

STAN:

That's a good one.

MARY:

Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It

seems really appropriate.

STAN:

(a little sulky)

It's a good one all right.

PATRICK:

What's your bartlett's?

STAN:

It's a quote book.

MARY:

I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill.

He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's

about Bartlett's. Isn't that trippy?

PATRICK:

(trying to engage)

Yeah. Cool.

MARY:

"The quotations when engraved upon the

memory give you good thoughts."

PATRICK:

Very cool. Trippy.

MARY:

I like to read what smart people say. So

many beautiful, important things.

STAN:

Yup.

MARY:

Don't you think Howard's like that?

Smart? Important?

STAN:

(beat)

Yup.

PATRICK:

Definitely!

MARY:

I think he'll be in Bartlett's one day.

Stan focuses on the monitor. Mary pours herself another

drink.

PATRICK:

Definitely.

INT. JOEL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

It's dark. Joel and Clementine are in bed. The memory is

already in the midst of being erased. Clementine is talking

in a monotonous, robotic manner.

CLEMENTINE:

You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an

open book. I tell you everything. Every

damn embarrassing thing. You don't trust

me.

JOEL:

No, it isn't that.

CLEMENTINE:

I want to know you.

JOEL:

I just don't have anything very

interesting about my life.

CLEMENTINE:

Joel, you're a liar.

The scene is faded completely now and Joel just lies there

for a moment, registering Clementine's statement.

INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Joel and Clementine eat dinner in silence. Joel looks around

at other couples in the restaurant. Some seem happy and

engaged. Others seem bored with each other. He turns back

to his food.

JOEL:

How's the chicken?

VOICE-OVER

Is that like us? Are we just bored with

each other?

CLEMENTINE:

Good.

He watches her as she downs her wine and pours herself

another glass. She holds the wine bottle up to Joel.

CLEMENTINE (CONT'D)

More?

JOEL:

No. Thanks.

There's a silence.

CLEMENTINE:

How's the fish?

The scene is fading.

JOEL:

It's good.

They continue to eat in silence as the scene dissolves.

PATRICK'S VOICE

Hi, Clementine! -- Why, what's wrong? --

Oh, I'm sorry. -- Well, I'm not sure, I

kind of have to study for my test --

INT. JOEL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Patrick is on the phone next to Joel's bed. Stan watches the

lights on the computer screen.

PATRICK:

Hold on. Let me ask my friend.

(covering mouthpiece)

Stan, can I leave for a little while? My

girlfriend is very --

STAN:

Patrick, we're in the middle of --

PATRICK:

She's right in the neighborhood. She's

upset.

Mary is in the kitchen. She pokes her head out. She's got

some pie on a plate.

MARY:

Let him go, Stan. I can help.

STAN:

(sighing, to Patrick)

Go.

PATRICK:

(quietly)

Mary hates me.

(into phone)

I'll be right over, Tangerine.

INT. CLEMENTINE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Candles are lit. Joel and Clementine are under a blanket on

the living room rug listening to music.

CLEMENTINE:

Joely...

JOEL:

Yeah, Tangerine?

CLEMENTINE:

Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit?

JOEL:

No.

CLEMENTINE:

It's my favorite book. Since I was a

kid. It's about these toys. There's

this part where the skin Horse tells the

rabbit what it means to be real.

(crying)

I can't believe I'm crying already. He

says, "It takes a long time. That's why

it doesn't often happen to people who

break easily or have sharp edges, or who

have to be carefully kept. Generally by

the time you are Real, most of your hair

has been loved off, and your eyes drop

out and you get loose in the joints and

very shabby. But these things don't

matter at all, because once you are Real

you can't be ugly, except to people who

don't understand."

She's weeping. Joel is stroking her hair. They kiss and

begin to make love under the blanket. It's sweet and gentle

and then it starts to fade.

JOEL:

(screaming)

No! Jesus, No!

He looks down and Clementine's tear-streaked face is fading.

She continues as if she's still being made love to, even

though Joel is completely beside himself. He jumps up naked

and yells at the ceiling.

JOEL (CONT'D)

Please! Please! I've changed my mind!

(looks down at fading

Clementine, then at ceiling)

I don't want this. Wake me up! Stop the

procedure! Plea --

INT. JOEL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Joel is unconscious on the bed, completely still. Mary and

Stan watch the monitor and smoke a joint. After a silence:

MARY:

It's amazing, isn't it? Such a gift

Howard gave the world.

STAN:

(a sigh)

Yeah.

MARY:

To let people begin again. It's

beautiful. You look at a baby and it's

so fresh, so clean, so free. And

adults... they're like this messy tangle

of anger and phobias and sadness...

hopelessness. And Howard just makes it

go away.

STAN:

You love him, don't you?

Mary seems surprised, taken aback, caught. She is silent for

a long moment.

MARY:

No.

(beat)

Besides, Howard's married, Stan. He's a

very serious and ethical man. I'm not

going to tempt him to betray all he

believes in.

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