Even Cowgirls Get The Blues Page #12

INT. HAIR BARN DAY

Sissy is being given a tour by Miss Adrian. A variety of

hairdos are witnessed.

MISS ADRIAN:

We have a team of fifteen hair experts

from all over the world.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM DAY

MISS ADRIAN:

And fanny flab flies off in this

room at the rate of six hundred and

seventy-five pounds a day... that's

a lot of salted ham, Sissy....

INT. MAIN LODGE DAY

Sissy and Miss Adrian walk through the lodge lobby, guests

and cowgirls are conducting a variety of activities:

A BIRD EXPERT projects slides of whooping cranes on the wall

and is giving a lecture about the habits of the birds.

In the center of the room COWGIRL DEBBIE is leading a mixture

of cowgirls and guests in a meditative chant as they reach

high above their heads in a yoga exercise.

Miss Adrian stops in front of the registration desk and Sissy

catches glimpses of the chaotic lobby.

MISS ADRIAN:

Our special guest Miss Sissy Hankshaw

is with us.

The receptionist hands Miss Adrian a key to Sissy's room.

A COWGIRL makes a face at Sissy as she walks by carrying a

tray of herbal teas.

A representative of the film crew is being intimidated by a

Cowgirl who is looking though his camera lenses and shaking

them and listening to them like you would put a shell up to

your ear to hear the ocean.

COWGIRL:

Cool! We're going to make a movie!...

Another cowgirl, BIG RED, is lifting a piece of furniture

and passes it to her accomplice.

BIG RED:

Get rid of the furniture.... it's

too masculine... Get rid of all the

furniture and use it for kindling!!!

Break away from these pig-like

chauvinist masculine influences....

Miss Adrian looks on helplessly.... she grabs Sissy and leads

her out of the lobby.

EXT. CORRAL DAY

Miss Adrian and Sissy walk out the back door of the Ranch

and out near a corral, to the sound of gunfire.

MISS ADRIAN:

O merciful Jesus! They're murdering

the guests!

One of the FILM CREW MEMBERS is hanging out in the corral

wearing a shiny jacket with DISNEY printed on the back.

Miss Adrian grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him.

MISS ADRIAN:

Where are the guests?

MAN:

Take it easy, lady. They went on a

short ride with the cowgirls. Rode

over the hill yonder. You're Miss

Adrian, aren't you? We need to talk

to you about the filming.

MISS ADRIAN:

Not now, you fool, not now. Those

crazed b*tches have led innocent

women out and are slaughtering them

at this moment. We'll all be killed.

Oh! Ohhh!

Another CAMERAMAN spits out a wad of chewing gum.

CAMERAMAN:

There's a slaughter going on all

right, but it's not the fat ladies

that are getting it. Your hired hands

are killing the cattle.

MISS ADRIAN:

The cattle? They're killing the cows?

All of them?

CAMERAMAN:

(interrupted while

putting a zoom lens

on his camera)

That's what they said, Miss Adrian.

A devilish young cowgirl is sitting on a fence nearby. Miss

Adrian addresses her.

MISS ADRIAN:

How dare you slaughter the Countess's

cattle! What is a ranch without cows?

COWGIRL:

We're going to replace them with

goats. Most of the cattle are diseased

and in pain. We're just putting them

out of their misery. According to

Bon-an-za Jellybean, the Rubber Rose

is in-di-cat-ive of the Countess's

values. He has purchased a cheap

weak strain of cow to begin with and

with improper care....

MISS ADRIAN:

Oh heavens! I don't want to hear

what Bonanza Jellybean has been

telling you girls.... Come on Sissy.

I'll show you to your quarters.

AND THE SUN SETS OVER THE CANYON, THE HILLS AND SIWASH RIDGE

NEARBY.

THE CHINK, with his back to us looks down on the ranch from

the ridge and watches Miss Adrian lead Sissy into a small

guest cottage on the ranch.

A DISTANT COYOTE HOWLS, AND A FEW SCATTERED GUNSHOTS ARE

HEARD.

INT. RANCH COTTAGE MORNING

Sissy stirs in a nicely appointed guest cottage. A maid knocks

on the door and serves Sissy breakfast in bed.

MAID:

Excuse me, Miss. Do you care for

your breakfast now?

Sissy sits up and rubs her eyes.

SISSY:

Yeah. I feel a bit hungry.

The Maid puts the tray down, and the cloth that covers the

food is lifted away to reveal a shocking display of grease

and calories.

A vase of prairie asters stands over a double-meat

cheeseburger, a package of Hostess Twinkies, a cold can of

Dr. Pepper and a Three Musketeers bar.

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