Even Lambs Have Teeth

Katie!

Katie!

Katie, get your skinny ass

over here!

Alright!

Here. We. Go.

Yeah!

I can't.

I love you. You can do this.

It's gonna be awesome.

-Katie, don't be such a p*ssy.

-Hey.

-You wish.

-Sleepover. 9th grade.

Gross. How come

you remember everything?

Who loved it?

Is Katie playing? I only want

to do it if she's doing it.

She's playing.

Katie's fine.

I'm not taking drugs.

You're playing. She's playing.

OK, everybody ready?

Do it, Katie-cakes.

You two, Zooey.

Katie, you got this.

What is it?

I put my hand in

the medicine cabinet of life

and pulled out six pills.

Life is random. It's chaos.

Chaos sounds like math.

Put yourself in the hands

of chaos.

-Hey!

-Yay!

-Cheers.

-Cheers!

Whoo!

-What are you doing?

-I think I feel it.

-Already?

-Yeah.

Look at the light.

You'll be able to tell.

Oh, my Lord

Here's a just reward

Bring me my devil

Just

behind

The door,

she said

And flies down the road

like thunder

Home at last but

you're fading fast

A friendly

face

An icy glass

The last

song sung

And freedom is in tone

And we'll go

flying through

The kingdom of the universe

But if you get there first

Fly away

Fly away

And we'll go flying through

The kingdom of the universe

But if you get there first

Fly away

Fly away...

Mom, we're home!

You know,

I wish I were your mom.

I'd kick your ass

for not taking at least

a year off before grad school.

Isn't what you just said

kind of kicking my ass

for not taking a year off?

Cheeky.

Thieves!

Unbelievable.

-Pew! Pew!

-Oh, my God!

Dude, seriously?

Sorry. Day drunk.

Also, ecstasies.

-No kidding.

-You love it.

What?!

-I am so excited!

-No sh*t.

In a month we'll be shopping

in New York City.

Oh, my God!

What is your super cop uncle

like? Is he super hot?

-He's old.

-Older.

-Semantics.

-Nerd word.

-I might f*** your uncle.

-What?

Ew. That's disgusting.

-You'll be my niece.

-Ewwww!

-Aww, little niece!

-Your uncle called.

How did he sound?

-Did he ask for me?

-Really?

You're gonna spend the night

at his house tomorrow,

and then he'll drive you up

to catch the bus

to the farm next morning.

-Cool?

-Super cool.

What kind of farm is it again?

-It's a hippie farm.

-It's not a hippie farm.

It's a CSA.

Community supported agriculture.

All organic.

CSA. That's right.

OK. Thanks, Mom.

I am so proud of you.

Working an organic farm,

I just think that's great.

Well, we're only doing it so we

can go shopping in New York.

And they say philanthropy

is dead.

What's 'silsantropy'?

You were an honours student,

Sloane.

-Don't talk like a stripper.

-Hey!

Strippers are people too!

Dinner's at six.

I love your mom and I hope

she gets laid in Cuba.

-Ew.

-I do!

Excuse me, it'd be good for her!

-Whatever.

-It would.

Loosen up a little.

Oh, my God, it's my mom!

Hey! Your uncle's on his way.

You taking a cab to the airport?

-Check.

-Condoms?

I'm serious.

Cuban condoms? No way.

My cell phone

is not gonna work in Cuba,

but I will call you

as soon as I get to the hotel.

Hey!

You're gonna have fun!

Ahh! And you are gonna be

in touch with your uncle.

-Every day.

-Yes.

-We'll text.

-You'll call.

We'll call.

Mm! Go.

Alright.

Have fun!

Yeah.

What the f***

did you do to my phone?

Don't pretend you didn't choose

your own ringtone.

Hey, Mom.

What? I can barely hear you.

No, yeah.

We're with Uncle Jason.

What? I can't hear...

Mom, you're breaking up.

OK, I'll talk to you

when you get back.

OK, 'bye.

So, Jay, you're a cop?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, a detective actually.

Cool. Homicide? Like 'The Wire'?

Yeah, I guess,

something like that.

But I am currently on leave.

Cool. Do you

currently have a girlfriend?

Yes.

Yeah, her name's Gemma.

You'll meet her at my place.

Hm. Is it serious?

It's pretty serious.

-Gemma? Hey.

-Hey!

-Hi!

-Hi!

It's so great

to finally meet you.

You too! Come here.

-What do you guys want to eat?

-Anything's fine.

-But could we see our room?

-Yeah, of course.

-Yeah, it's down here.

-Make yourselves at home.

Thanks!

Come in.

-How are you guys doing?

-Good.

Cool.

Well, if you need anything,

uh... You know where it is.

Anything?

Thanks.

OK. Goodnight.

-Goodnight.

-God!

Oh, that Gemma

must have some magic p*ssy.

I think she's OK.

My mom hates her.

OK.

Listen, I've been thinking,

and I really like

the name 'Heather'.

It's just so '70s.

Heather. Try it on me.

Sloane!

Wrong. Try it.

I'm not going to bed

until you try it.

-No way!

-I've got all night.

Heather.

Again.

Heather?

Yes?

Can we go to sleep now?

One more time,

ask me a question.

Heather?

Can we f***ing go to sleep now?

Oh, my God, I love it!

-What are we gonna call you?

-I'm fine.

We're gonna leave our IDs here

and make up hippie farm

identities.

We've gotta call you something.

Ripley.

Oh, my God,

I f***ing love it!

Heather and Ripley? Genius.

-Oh, my God, they're having sex.

-What?

No, they're not.

Yes, they are. Yes, they are!

Sloane, get back here!

Sloane! Get back here!

Sloane!

Ohh!

Oh, yes!

-Ah! Whoo!

-Must be helping him.

-OK.

-Let's go check the times.

-We're gonna check the time.

-OK.

Hey, do you know

when the next bus comes?

In about an hour.

I just checked.

Cool. Do we need keys

to the bathroom?

Sorry, ours is actually

out of order.

-They've got one across

the street. -Thanks!

But if you go in there,

don't drink the coffee.

I'm serious, trust me.

Just don't drink it.

-You'll never leave.

-OK.

-Thank you.

-'Bye! Love your jacket!

-Thank you!

-And your shoes too! Look great.

The bus will be here in an hour.

OK.

-Want me to wait with you?

-Nah, it's cool.

We want to check out

the local flavour.

Well, call me

when you get there, OK?

I'll text.

Could you... just call?

OK, but if I can't call,

I'll text.

OK, fine, but use a word

at the end of the text

so I know it's you.

-OK, how about 'apple'?

-'Apple' is good.

And then the next day,

move through the alphabet.

So after 'apple',

something that starts with 'B'.

-OK.

-Why not just 'apple'?

Because my uncle's

a crazy, paranoid super cop.

-Oh.

-It's just super cop, please.

Now, Katie, can you explain

why we alternate the words?

Because if the

evil killers take my phone

and see the word 'apple'

out of nowhere,

they might think

it's a code word.

Yeah.

-What about 'balls'?

-Can you use that in a sentence?

Absolutely, Katie!

I just love...

Alright, 'balls' is fine.

That's what I always say.

-How about 'banana'?

-OK.

-Here.

-Thanks.

-Thanks.

-Be careful, OK?

-'Bye.

-'Bye.

Bananas in pyjamas...

-OK, give me your phone.

-Why?

You will know

in due time.

Hello?

Hi there.

Can I help you?

Yeah, can we use your bathroom?

Yeah.

Where is it?

It's right over there.

Thanks.

This guy causing you trouble?

Oh!

Do you guys have any pie?

Yeah.

We've got all kinds of pies.

You know when you get back

from the bathroom

and the food's

already at your table?

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