Every Blessed Day Page #2

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Come on!

Sorry, we need to speed this up.

If I can help...

Yes, please.

We have a line of patients

and time is ticking...

- Make it a quickie, okay?

- Yes.

Know what we need to do?

We need to optimize.

- Optimize, optimize.

- I'll optimize now.

Will you be much longer?

- Are you ready?

- Yes.

I'd like to remind you

that Mrs. Mae will arrive soon

for an MRI of her plantar fascia.

Does "plantar fascia" arouse you?

Not much.

Go away!

Are you looking at my b*obs?

Another mamma's boy

who loves big b*obs! Mamma's boy!

Optimize!

Done? We're not here

to waste time. Are you ready?

Help me, my love.

Help me.

- That's the best I could do.

- Fine.

Results in person or by mail?

I'll come...

I mean, I'll pick them up.

- Goodbye.

- Thanks, you are very... kind.

Thank you.

You have asked to have

Costanza baptized?

Yes, we have.

Costanza, I baptize you

in the name of the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Almighty God,

Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

has cleansed you from sin

in new birth to innocence

by water and the Spirit.

Shall we go eat?

I heard you need to watch

your blood pressure.

Your mom's a snitch,

it's slightly high.

Geez, can't a man enjoy

the infirmities of old age?

Big brother,

you're looking slim and trim!

How are your abs? Nonexistent.

I'm no loser like you who's in the

gym every day like an American.

America's only aw is the fact that

you're not there. You should come.

We'll visit eventually,

maybe next summer.

Duccio, did you tell him

about it? - Oh, right!

The Classics Department is looking

for a Latin literature assistant.

You'd be perfect for the job.

An expert

on early Christian martyrs.

He tells me this all the time!

Ignore him, I merely wrote

a thesis on the topic.

It's true, he knows tons about it!

Names of streets, saints,

churches, tons!

Fundamental things.

I call him "Guidopedia".

It would be great.

It would be great but I rather

enjoy what I'm doing now.

It's not a demanding job,

I have the entire night

to relax and read.

And think...

And Beethoven is on

the hotel's sound system all night.

Guido never slept much.

- Remember, Lorenzo?

- Yes.

He would read all night...

with a flashlight

so he wouldn't wake Duccio.

How sweet!

In fact, Guido...

you're right, your job sounds

really pleasant. Good for you.

Here's the chestnut cake.

It should be eaten with ricotta,

but we have none.

What exactly does Guido

do for work?

He's the night porter

in a big hotel.

Nice!

We'd better hurry.

Guido, I'll put it in the car.

- I'm so fond of Antonia.

- I'm fond of her too.

Listen, this is from me and dad.

Take it, you could use it.

You never know...

It's unnecessary, we both work.

Really. Bye, mom.

Have a good trip.

- How is it?

- It's f***ing wonderful!

It basically says that plants

have personalities like us.

And it provides examples

from ancient literature and history.

I've yet to read it.

Your mom gave it to me,

your dad was too shy to.

What a great man! And your mom too.

I love your parents.

I know,

they appear to be lovely people.

- Your sister-in-law seems normal!

- She is normal.

Well, she teaches at university

and has two kids!

And your brother is

Obama's special financial assistant.

What's so funny?

He's a consultant for

the government's economic policy.

- What did I say?

- Same thing.

And he's only 30!

He's a genius too.

I know,

I'm the only dummy in the house.

No, baby.

Come on.

- No, not here.

- They're all asleep, relax.

I spoke to your mom

about our situation...

She made an appointment for us

with a hotshot gynecologist.

- He works with the Pope.

- The Pope's gynecologist?

- He must be a real pro!

- Silly, you know what I meant.

She said he's a bit Catholic,

but he's great.

- Easy with that hand.

- Nobody will see, they're asleep.

We'll go see him if you want.

Behave!

We'll go see him, but I don't think

you have a problem.

- Neither do you, apparently.

- Behave, they're watching.

- Let's go to the bathroom.

- No.

- Come on!

- No.

- Let's go.

- The bathroom...

Let's go!

Professor Savarese, room 24.

Thanks, goodbye.

Holy cow, 150 euros!

At least they gave us a receipt.

Well I should hope so!

Almost done...

You can get dressed.

Well, morphologically your wife

seems to be just fine.

We're not married,

I'm not his wife!

Thanks, doctor.

Morphologically fine.

At first glance. But we'll do

a nice hysteroscopy too.

Plus, we need you to take

a few more tests.

Ma'am... pardon, miss...

we'll need you to take

these hormones I'll prescribe

on the 3rd and 23rd days

of our cycle.

- Do I have some sort of problem?

- Relax.

I think Antonia

is perfectly healthy,

if anything, I'm the defective one.

Look, I had a spermiogram.

- You did?

- Sorry, I didn't tell you about it.

I see no real problems,

actually everything

looks pretty good.

But the report mentions

asthenospermia and teratomorphism,

these slow, hideous spermatozoids...

All your values are normal.

They might not be sprinters,

but they'll inseminate our oocytes.

Rest assured!

When did we stop using protection?

We never used protection.

No'?

Never.

Not even our first time,

when we'd just met.

It's been six years now.

Can you believe that, baby?

Six years.

How are you?

She's better now.

- Are you okay?

- Yes.

My sweetie...

One of our tubes

is a bit closed, the left one.

The right one is open.

Perhaps a bit obstructed, but open.

If the lady here

were to become pregnant,

what we'd have is

an elderly primigravida.

- A what?

- It's a technical term.

Ma'am, nowadays

your condition is rather common.

Women who have their first child

at an advanced age.

- Advanced, my foot. I'm 33!

- Relax.

Do you know that Alexander the Great

was 10 years younger than you

when he conquered India?

But let's not cross our bridges

before coming to them.

There's still hope.

- Even if...

- Even if what, doctor?

During the luteal phase we have

a slight progesterone issue...

which would also explain

why we have a short cycle.

- I'm sterile, I knew it!

- He didn't say that.

No?

He said I have an obstructed tube,

I'm elderly,

and I have a progesterone issue too.

Ma'am, you can't imagine

how many cases I've seen

that were far more complicated

than yours,

yet, lo and behold,

I was at their baptisms!

We need to be patient.

Excuse me, I don't understand much

but seeing I have all these issues,

wouldn't it make sense to try...

- That thing, what's it called?

- What thing?

- Don't say it...

- Artificial insemination!

I believe it's legal in Italy.

Abracadabra, she's making diagnoses

and suggesting treatments!

One step at a time...

Don't be cajoled by false modern

myths of test-tube babies.

What we'll do

is a nice Progesten 500 treatment.

We'll take one each night

before bed,

starting on the first day

of ovulation.

- Me?

- Who else, ma'am?

As for you, Caselli... Caselli...

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