Everybody Wants Some Page #7

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- Put your f***ing hands up.

Who are these people?

Like this guy with the backpack?

And this dude on the porch?

Like, I know what we're doing here.

You know, we're playing baseball.

What are all these

other guys doing here?

Yeah, I think that, too.

Like, what would it be like

to go through life

knowing there's no way

you'd ever play pro ball?

Exactly.

All these people

never be anything more than

some dude doing some job,

just like everybody else.

Bradford!

Ha-ha!

Holy sh*t! Justin?

- Hey!

- What's up, man?

- How you doing?

- This is where you living?

As of right now,

but hey, don't let them know.

These are my teammates.

Plum, Finn, and Coma.

- What's going on, fellas?

- Hey, guys, this is Justin.

We used to play ball

in high school together.

- What's up?

- What's happening, man?

Not much. But hey,

I'm loving this new look.

- Oh, yeah?

- This new 'do!

I love this. What, is it pledge week?

Yeah. F*** you, too.

- Come on, let's get a beer. Come in.

- Yeah.

Hey, you guys want a beer? Come on.

- Why not?

- Why?

This is my old

high school buddy, Jake.

Hey, you still with Gretchen?

F*** Gretchen!

Hey, you gotta

walk me through this, man.

What, you just wake up

one morning just f***ing...

Nah, man. It's as simple as this.

You go to a show,

meet a couple of cute girls,

get drunk, later that night

they're chopping bits of your hair off,

giving you real bangs.

Used to, I'd be like, "No, don't do that."

But now that I don't play

on a team anymore...

...or I'm doing anything

particularly "respectable,"

I'm like, f*** it!

Whatever, man.

Mmm. Oh, we're going to a show soon.

Man, there are six bands in town,

some from L.A., some from Austin.

We're gonna go in a bit.

You guys wanna join?

Uh, we've got our party tonight.

Yeah, yeah,

we should probably set up for it, right?

No, it's not till later.

Yeah. No, we're just walking around,

heading to the Student Center.

Student Center? Come with us.

Come on, we'll fix you up!

You guys down for that?

Uh...

Finn?

- Of course we're down!

- Yeah!

Come on, man. What about

Costello or the Talking Heads?

They're great. Devo and The Cars,

look, there's a lot of

decent stuff out there.

We got a whole

'nother thing going on around here.

This? This is ours.

At least take

the sunglasses off, man.

You look like a f***ing narc.

Hey, I don't think we really fit in here.

No, no, you don't fit in.

Okay, I told you to change.

Will you at least untuck your shirt?

You look like a Bible salesman.

These people could really use a Bible!

Got both of them.

Whoo!

I'm starting to have

an identity crisis here.

What are you talking about?

Look at us, man.

The last three nights,

we've danced at a disco,

total mindless disco music,

danced the Cotton-Eyed Joe

in kicker attire,

and here we are, punks for a night.

It sort of begs the question

about who we really are.

Are you insecure about the duck feet?

So insecure about the duck feet.

The duck feet look great, dude.

- Serious? Promise?

- Yeah, they look great.

Look, I'll tell you who we are.

We're a couple of guys

who are gonna do

whatever it takes to get laid.

That's who we are.

It just seems a little phony.

It's not phony. Okay? It's adaptive.

All right, think about this.

There are animals, salmon, spiders

that will literally die

in the process of mating.

I mean, what are we doing?

We're switching around

our wardrobe a little bit.

It's camouflage!

You need to stop thinking so much.

You're f***ing yourself up.

Oh! Dude, look at you, man.

You're one to talk.

I actually don't think that much.

I actually don't think at all.

I just, you know, I talk a lot.

This is the jazz improv. You're invited.

- Uh-oh.

- What?

Listen.

Hear that?

That's the Gilligan's Island theme song!

Yes, it is.

You can make a punk song out of that?

Coming full circle.

It's all coming around.

Are you liking it?

I'm liking it. Shall we go?

This might be our best batch.

This is gonna be the best ever.

That's some p*ssy sh*t.

It tastes like fruit punch.

Well, that's the sign

of a good coon dog punch, Coma.

No, no, not until Coma gets in here.

All right,

- so this is about done.

- Mmm-hmm.

What I need you to do is take that sifter,

and then pour about half of that.

- Okay.

- Just about half.

Into the bowl.

Brain dead, let's go!

All right! Jake!

Where you f***ing been, man?

What's up?

You got some catching up to do.

Get in here! You're up!

Go, go, go.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh! Hey!

Welcome to the f***ing party, Jake!

Yeah, baby!

You know what they call me?

The raw dog.

You wanna know why?

'Cause I'm the f***ing raw dog, man.

It's not about the ingredients,

it's about the way

the ingredients make you feel.

The experience.

That's why I say, "Indulge in temptation."

I'm not watching.

- Are you serious?

- Ow!

Okay.

Chug it, Justin! Go, go, go, go, go!

Whoo-hoo!

- Whoo!

- Yeah! Here we go.

Oh!

Yes.

So, where is the flag?

Right there, Volkswagen.

Oh, there's the flag.

- Ready?

- Aim...

Fire.

Oh!

Wow.

- You are a natural.

- Thank you.

- I don't know. I don't know.

- Let's go!

Come on, no one on their

deathbed is filled with regrets

of the things they've done.

It's those things they didn't do.

You're not gonna let this be

one of those things, are you?

I guess not.

Of course not!

Yeah?

Competitors ready? Go!

- Yeah.

- Go!

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

Okay, baby!

- Let's go!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Let's go!

- Phone.

- What, man?

Dude, some chick on the line, man.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Said she wanted to squat on your boner.

Hello?

Hi.

Is this the guy that left

the flowers on my door?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, you're the quiet guy

in the back seat, Jake.

Yeah. Yeah. Hi.

Hi. It's the quote-unquote

"auburn-haired girl in 307."

That was just so there

wouldn't be any confusion,

but, uh, wow, I'm glad you called.

That was quick.

Yeah, no, I mean,

it was the least I could do

after you went to all that trouble.

How did you know what room I was in?

I'm an Investigative Journalism major.

I have very special ways.

So, uh, I guess you know my name then.

Yes. As soon as you tell me.

Huh. Well, Jake, it's so interesting,

'cause I feel like there...

Investigative Journalism

is not an official major here,

but my name is Beverly.

Hello, Beverly.

Hey. So, what do you study?

What, the old

"What's your major" question?

Is that really what you're asking me?

I don't know.

Hey, that's not really fair.

I took special care.

I didn't say that word, okay?

I'm just... I'm curious. Maybe you study

poetry, with that...

...charming Rod McKuen bit

you quoted in your note.

Ah, I'm pretty sure that'd be Whitman.

I was just testing you. You pass.

A. A-minus.

So, what do you, uh,

concentrate on here?

I concentrate on

theater and dance, performing arts.

- Really?

- Mmm-hmm.

That's so cool, wow.

What do you do? I mean,

you didn't really answer me.

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