Everything Is Illuminated Page #2

Catalog.

l don't know why they told you that.

l'm not a writer.

l mean, l write, but l'm more of...

...a collector, really.

And what do you collect?

Things.

Family things.

lt is a good career, yes?

No, it's not a career.

lt's just something l do.

Why?

l don't know. Why does anybody

do anything? lt's just something to do.

l understand.

l also enjoy writing...

...but l truly feel l was born

to be accountant.

Are we close?

The Jew wants to know

if we are close.

Tell him to shut the hell up!

Grandfather says we're very proximal.

He says it will not be long

until we get to the superway to Lutsk.

And from there?

How long from here to Lutsk?

Perhaps you would like me

to stop the car...

...and you two can

f*** yourselves to Lutsk!

What did he say?

Grandfather says you should look out

the window at the premium countryside.

-Are you hungry?

-Yes.

-l just hope they have something l can eat.

-What do you mean?

l'm a vegetarian.

You're a what?

l don't eat meat.

How can you not eat meat?

l just don't.

He says he does not eat meat.

What?

-No meat?

-No meat.

-Steak?

-No.

-Chickens?

-No.

And what about the sausage?

No, no sausage. No meat.

He says he does not eat any meat.

Not even sausage?

l know.

What is wrong with him?

What is wrong with you?

Nothing. l just don't eat meat.

Hello.

Excuse me,

do you have anything without meat?

Why?

Our friend here is American--

l can see that.

Yes, of course,

but he does not eat meat.

What is wrong with him?

What did she say?

She says they do not have anything

without meat.

Don't they have potatoes or something?

Potatoes?

You only get

potato with the meat.

The potatoes come only with the meat.

But can't l have a potato

on a plate by itself?

Please, this American is deranged.

Would it be possible to have

a potato without the meat?

Welcome to Ukraine.

-And these are your family?

-Yeah.

My grandmother gave me this.

That's my grandfather, Safran.

lt was taken during the war.

lt's you.

l've heard that.

-And this is Augustine?

-Yeah.

My mother said that he never would have

made it to America if it weren't for her.

And she's from Trachimbrod?

Or somewhere near there.

This is Kolki. My grandmother's shtetl.

''Shtetl''?

lt's a village.

lt's Yiddish, it means ''village.''

lt doesn't seem to be far from Trachimbrod.

That's why l was thinking

it might be called Sofiewka now.

Why do you make such a rigid search?

l guess l just wanted to see

where my grandfather grew up...

...where l would be now

if he hadn't come to America.

You would be Ukrainian, like me.

Only not like me, because you would be

a farmer from some unimpressive town...

-...and l am from Odessa.

-l see.

And did your grandparents ever return

to Ukraine?

God, no. My grandmother would go crazy

if she knew l was here.

Why?

She didn't think it was safe.

She said that before the war,

Ukraine was just as bad as Berlin.

Jews weren't exactly popular in Ukraine.

When the Nazis invaded, she actually

thought it would be an improvement.

Who told you this?

My grandmother.

Why did she say this?

l don't know. lt's just how she felt.

Grandfather...

...he says Ukrainians were

anti-Semitic before the war.

ls it true?

Grandfather?

lt's nice.

Really, it's just for sleeping.

-Jonfen?

-Yeah.

You were very proximal

with your grandfather, yes?

Yeah. Why?

Tomorrow we will make a search.

Good night.

Good night.

Make sure to secure the door

when l am gone.

l do not want

to make you petrified person...

...but there are many dangerous people

who want to take things from Americans...

...and also kidnap them. Okay?

Okay.

Good night.

Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.

Come on, let's go.

He seems like a good person.

Yes, he does.

We should try to help him.

How?

We should try to find her.

Who?

Augustine.

-What is it?

-Soviets.

What happened?

lndependence.

Look.

We are looking for Trachimbrod.

Do you know it?

You heard of Trachimbrod?

Never heard of it!

Come here, please!

Come here!

lt's a small village...

...Trachimbrod.

Mention the other names to him.

Perhaps one will sound informal.

Kovel', Kivertsy, Sokirentsy.

Maybe Kolki?

Yes, yes.

Could you direct us to them?

Of course.

They are not so far.

Go north on the superway.

Keep going north...

...until you see wheat fields...

...then head east

through the farmlands.

Thank you.

Here. Thank you.

-What is he doing?

-What is he doing?

-What are you doing?

-For helping us.

-What?

-l read in my guidebook...

...you can't find

Marlboro cigarettes here...

...so you should take them everywhere

as tips.

He doesn't eat meat.

Thank you.

What is ''tips''?

Tips are something you give someone

in exchange for help.

You are informed you will be paying

for this trip with currency, yes?

No, not like that. Tips are for small things,

like directions or the valet.

-Valet?

-You know, the guy who parks your car.

Why do you not park your own car?

How much currency would

a first-rate accountant receive in America?

l don't know.

A lot, probably, if he or she is good.

She?

Or he.

Are there Negro accountants?

Yes, there are African-American

accountants...

-...but you don't want to use that word.

-And homosexual accountants?

There are homosexual everythings.

There are homosexual garbage men.

And how much currency would

Negro homosexual accountant receive?

You shouldn't use that word.

-Which word?

-The N-word.

-lt's not the N-word, but--

-Negro?

Yeah, that one.

But l dig them all the way.

They are premium people.

lt's that word, though.

You're not supposed to use that word.

What is wrong with the Negroes?

-Are you carnal very often?

-What?

With American girls, you make sex often?

Not really. Do you?

l inquired headmost. Do you?

Not really.

What do you intend by ''not really''?

l'm not a priest,

but l'm not John Holmes, either.

l've heard of this John Holmes.

With a premium penis.

Yeah, that's the one.

ln the Ukraine,

everybody has a penis like that.

What about the women?

You make a joke, no?

Yeah.

Come, Zlata, come.

Do you have any chewing gum?

Do you know where Trachimbrod is?

What's in Trachimbrod?

Nothing, it's just a place

we are trying to find.

lf there's nothing there,

why are you trying to find it?

Why do you ask stupid questions?

Where are we?

l don't know.

Ask the Jew.

-Where are we?

-l'm not sure.

He doesn't know.

What do you mean, he doesn't know?

We're driving! How can he not know!

-What do you mean, you don't know?

-None of the roads have names.

l thought you were a certified guide.

Grandfather is certified.

-Please, you're making this impossible.

-Shut up!

This is pointless!

We don't know where we are.

''Shut up'' means shut up!

Grandfather, we should stop.

What are you doing?

Maybe we should stop and ask someone.

Go and ask them.

Leave the Jew here.

l'm not a moron, you know.

l know what that word means.

What word?

lt's Russian for ''Jew,'' isn't it?

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